More than Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dogs' Tails

My son Jack is 4 years old.

He is ALL boy.

He's hilarious, strong-willed, loving, stubborn, wonderful, frustrating... You get the idea.

He's a sweet little kid, but not always super lovey-dovey. Like I said, he's all boy.

Well, his preschool teacher at church pulled me aside several weeks ago and told me that she needed to speak with me about Jack.

No good conversation ever begins with, "I need to tell you about something Jack said..."

So I took a deep breath and braced myself for the worst.

She told me that she was talking with Jack about me and Kurt. She asked him to tell her what his mommy and daddy look like.

I immediately thought, "Oh snap - this is going to be BAD."

Jack said to her, "Well, my dad is tall and he has black hair."

Okay, I thought to myself - that's pretty close to what he looks like. Maybe this won't be so bad.

And then she asked him what I looked like.

I started sweating, willing the conversation to end. After hearing about how violently Jack has complained about my singing and my cooking, I could only imagine what he has to say about my appearance. Especially my Early-Morning-Pre-Coffee appearance.

I smiled at her and closed my eyes, steeling myself against whatever she had to say.

When asked what I looked like, Jack responded with,


"My Momma looks like a pretty dress."

Tears....

Sometimes they surprise you. ♥

Horror Hotel; Part II

RATED: PG-13
(don't say I didn't warn you...)



It's the morning after the Phinneas and Ferb 911 fiasco (see prior entry for details on that).

As I mentioned in my previous post, our kids were in one hotel room - and we were in the adjoining room. The door that connected our two rooms was always open so that we could keep an eye on the kids and so that they could run around.

Our rooms were set up so that the televsision sets from each room backed up to each other.

Our beds were on the far sides of each room; so the beds in the kids' room backed up against the wall of someone else's room.

We got up early that morning because we had a long drive ahead of us and we wanted to get an early start.

We were on our way to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. I looked down at Hope and asked her how she slept.

She said, "Oh, I slept okay - but it took me a while to get to sleep."

"Oh? Well, it's hard to get used to sleeping in a different bed, in a different place."

"I guess" she said. "But that's not why it took me a long time to get to sleep."

Intrigued, I ask "Why did it take you a long time to get to sleep honey? Were you scared? Mom and Dad were right there with you and the door was open the whole time - you could have just come in and gotten me."

"I wasn't scared" she said flatly.

(Now, at this point, I should have changed the subject. I should have left well enough alone. I should have shut my mouth. But do I do that? Nooooo. )

I press on with my inquiry into why she had such trouble falling asleep.

"Well honey, I know you were tired. So if you weren't scared, then why was it so hard for you to fall asleep?"

She came back with, "The people in the next room were kinda loud."

CRAP.

"Oh?" I asked, hoping she didn't notice the dread that has filled my voice.

"Yeah. They kept kicking the wall."

(I was at a loss. I honestly didn't know what to say).

"They were mad at each other too" she said, matter of factly.

Foolishly, I asked, "Why do you think they were mad at each other?"

"Because they kept yelling."

(Of course they did).

"It was weird because they would be kicking the wall and yelling and then they'd start laughing. Then I'd hear them kicking the wall again. It was really irritating."

(Oh dear... What do I say)?

"Hmmm..... Well, maybe they were just moving the furniture in the room or something." I offer up as my lame (and desperate) attempt to end the conversation.

Hope had her own theory. "I think they were playing Wall Ball."

(I grabbed onto that life line and held on for dear life).

"I bet you're right Hope! That's probably exACTly what they were doing!"

We finished breakfast and headed back to our room to check it one more time before we leaving to head home. It was still really early.

I stood in the kids' room, glaring at the wall behind their beds, mentally chewing out the people on the other side of it.

Kurt walked into the room and said, "Okay kids - take your shoes off and jump on the beds for 2 minutes!"

I started to protest, thinking that it was really early and they might wake the neighbors with all their jumping and yelling.

They might wake the neighbors.

Those stinkin' wall ball playin', furniture movin' neighbors.

Turnabout is fair play, right?

With an evil grin, I said, "Make it 5 minutes, kids. And yell as loud as you want."

Horror Hotel

It was our last night of vacation and the kids' first time staying in a hotel.

We got adjoining rooms and left the connecting doors open.

The kids were in heaven. They had their own room, their own TV, they each had their own bed... They thought it was the best thing ever.

Until they turned the TV on.

Kurt and I were unpacking the car when Jack came tearing into our room with a look of desperation on his face.

Out of breath he shouts, "Mommy, call 911!"

I feel all the blood rush to my head and my heart drops. I run into their room imagining one horrific possibility after another.

I'm shaking all over as I take in the scene in front of me.

Hope is sitting quietly on the bed, TV remote in hand, flipping through the channels.

Where's the blood? Where's the carnage? Where's the emergency???

Jack rushes into the room still shouting, "We have to call 911!"

Gritting my teeth, voice shaking, I glare down at him and ask, "Why do we need to call 911?"

He looks up at me, his face full of panic and says, "Because they don't have Phineus and Ferb on this TV!"

Apparently there's a Difference

ME: Jack, don't climb on the furniture.

(30 seconds later...)

ME: Jack, I said don't climb on the furniture.

JACK: Okay Mom.

(30 seconds later...)

ME: JACK!!! Don't climb on the furniture!!

JACK: I'm not! I'm climbing OFF the furniture!

sigh...

No Words...

Please pray for my friends Chuck and Vicki Gillette.

Their first grandchild was born in Australia on June 18th. His name is Evan Riley.

He was born with severe complications and will not survive.

Here is Vicki's status update from her Facebook page this morning.

"With heavy hearts Chuck & I leave SeaTac today 1pm for Australia, arr Sun 4:30p PDT. Nothing docs can do for little Evan. In a coma, can't survive w/o ventilator, severe internal organ failure. Hope he hangs on so we can hold, cuddle, pray, sing, kiss his sweet face, & have some Grandparent time. Pray especially for Kara & Glenn as they release him to Jesus. We are hurting. God is still God."

I can't imagine their pain. Please say a prayer for them and their family.

What?! So Much for Healthy Choices. . .

I love dessert. It's my favorite food group.

Well, given my fondness for dessert and my, uh..... lack of fondness for exercise and moderation, I eat diet desserts to avoid the rip-cord effect on my waist line.

So, yay! Diet Desserts!! Such a great idea!

I've started eating them and have found that I really love them.

A lot.

But, I've discovered a problem with them.

Apparently, they're not really dietetic. I mean, I'm eating them (instead of brownies, bars and banana splits) but I'm not losing any weight.

I even checked the nutrition facts on the label. It said, very clearly, that there's only 140 calories per serving.

And the serving size is 1.

Right.

So I ate one box of ice cream sandwhiches and I gained like two pounds.

Sigh....

You Scratch My Back and I'll Scr. . . and I'll Say Thank You.

The Ultimate Problem Solver

I saw this quote (author unknown), thought it was brilliant and wanted to share it with you.

If you don't like it, then just follow the instructions outlined in the quote.

"Handle every stressful situation like a dog.

If you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away."

Words to live by, my friends.

Words to live by.

Be Careful What You Wish For. . .

After seeing what Daddy was cookin' up for dinner, Hope and Jack decided that I'm not such a terrible cook after all...

A Mother's Prayer. . .

Dear Lord,

Thank you for putting long stems on the Hi-Ho Cherry-Oh cherries.

The stems make it easy to quickly pull the cherry out of a screaming 4 year old's ear.

So, thanks.

Good lookin' out on Your part.

Amen.

Some New Favorite Things

I thought I would hurry up and post a new blog entry so that the ugly one will not be the first one you see when you visit my blog. Ugliness is a part of life - but the more I dwell on it, the longer the wounds shays fresh, and the longer I'm hurt by it. So! We're movin' on to something happier.

Here is a list of some of my new Favorite Things:

1. Words with Friends - it's an iPhone app. It's free. It's Scrabble. It will take over your life. Get it and play me - my user name is heidigirlhb.


2. How to Train Your Dragon - fantastic movie. We took our 4 year old - he was a little scared a few times but overall really dug it.

3. My Keurig coffee maker - this has been lifechanging!!! Coffee just how you want it in 5 seconds. No more waiting for a new pot to brew. I have officially left the Dark Ages.

4. Chuck - Oh man. This is my new television addicition. This show... I can't even tell you how much I LOVE it. Monday nights at 8:00 on NBC. So entertaining. So easy to follow. Soooo good.

5. Castle - Oh Man times two! My other new television addiction. Seriously! Snappy dialog - cool plotlines (The premise is that a murder/mystery/macabre author gets to tag along with a detective on murder investigations to get plots for his upcoming books). Monday nights at 1o:00 on ABC. Check it out - you will NOT be disappointed.

6. Pink's Grammy performance of Glitter in the Air - DISCLAIMER: Not for kids. Let me just say this: if I could have anyone's voice - I would want hers. And apparently, she's an acrobat too. And not just ANY acrobat. She's a singing/swimming acrobat. BUT! This performance is very Circu du Solei-ish and I don't think it's appropriate for kids. I'm just puttin' that out there. But, it's on Youtube - you should check it out. It's AMAZING.

7. Educational vidoes on Youtube. Yeah, yeah, this sounds like zzzzzzz..... material. But! I'm in the process of building a website (something I have NO clue how to do) and you would not believe the educational material that's available for free on Youtube - especially when making a CMS site using Wordpress. Good stuff.

8. Those eyeshadow kits that come with 4 colors and instructions on how to put the eyeshadow on your eyes (because I have no idea what color goes where). I got a good one from L"Oreal that even has little pictures to go along with the instructions - yessss!

9. Burt's Beeswax lip balm. This stuff is awesome - and it's pepperminty. Love it.

10. Trios - building blocks from Fisher Price. These have provide my son with hours of entertainment. He makes monsters, cars, building, you name it. He loves them - which means, I love them. They're fun for adults to play too.

Things Aren't Always What They Seem . . .

It really stinks when you find out that a friend you've known for years and years isn't who they appear to be.

When you find out that they're talking about you behind your back - and then lying to your face to cover it up.

Sometimes people just stink.

Conditions

It's bed time and I'm saying goodnight to the kids.

ME: Hopey, have a good night sleep - I love you soo much!

HOPE: I love you too Momma! Even more today than yesterday.

(sigh of contentment)

(walk into Jack's room)

ME: Jack-Jack, have a good night sleep buddy - I love you soo much!

JACK: Night.

ME: I love you buddy!

(Jack gives me a big smile but no verbal response)

ME: Jack! Don't you want to tell Momma you love her too?

(pause as he stares intently into my face...)

JACK: Do you have any jellybeans?

ME: No honey, I don't have any jellybeans.

JACK: Night mom.

Sigh...

Don't Be Offended...

Okay - dislcaimer time.

If you're easily offended - don't read the rest of this post.

Another thing to keep in mind - I'm currently experiencing a shortage of blog fodder. So, this is the best I could do...

Okay.

You may proceed. (but remember what I said about being easily offended).

So this is the brand of toilet seat covers that we use at work.

Everytime I look at the name I giggle just a little bit.

Take the words apart a little bit and see if you don't have a little giggle too.

Still don't see what I'm referring to?

Rest ur A.....

(giggle)

Hey - lighten up.

The Bathroom. . . is NOT a Telephone Booth.

I'm sorry - but it's just not okay to call me from a toilet.

I love talking to people on the phone (well, maybe not ALL people...)

But not when they're on the toilet.

Seriously.

Can I GET an Amen?!

How is it Possible that I Did Not Know About This?

Seriously?

How long have these been out?

Have you tried them?

Are they as good as I think they're going to be?

I'm at a loss for words in the face of such beauty...

Maybe She's Born with it. . . Maybe it's. . . No, She was Definitely Born with it.

After one too many awkward moments at the Clinique counter (click here for details), I decided to give drug-store foundation a try. (And, awkard moments aside, I'm kind of tired of spending that much money for a tiny little bottle of make-up - no matter how many miracles it has worked on my face).

As I was browsing the aisle full of foundations, I was struck by the unrealistic names they gave each of the different shades.

Classic Ivory, Creamy Natural, Soft Honey, Warm Beige....

Really?

As I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, I couldn't help but think that finding a foundation to match the shade of my skin was going to be next to impossible.

I searched high and low but couldn't find anything that would do. There was nothing even close. No shades called Pale & Pastey, Splotchy or Ruddy. They didn't even have anything like Sickly-Vampire, Grayish, or Motley.

Sigh...

Well, necessity is the mother of invention, right?

So I bought the Classic Ivory, some blusher, a light gray eye shadow and some iodine (I thought the iodine would really make it pop). I figured that if I mix them all together, I could probably get a good match to my skin.

Watch out Smart, Beautiful, CoverGirl. You've got some competition.

HeidiGirl Cosmetics - Unnatural is the new Natural.

The Inspiration of Elephants

I don't normally share these kinds of stories - as they are a bit too sentimental for me - but someone shared it with me and I just felt that it needed to be told. It is truly inspiring.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University...

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.

The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Evidently, it wasn't the same elephant.

___________________

Disney's Weight Loss Strategy

This is a booth at the Innoventions building at Disneyland.

It's one of those things that is both horrific - and riveting. (click on the photo to appreciate it's true horror).

I have made this photo into a poster and mounted it on the outside of my refrigerator - which of course means I'm eating a lot less.

Well, I'm eating a lot less - at home.

I guess even Walt can't think of everything...

Encouragement for a Disgruntled Drama Queen

Two things before you read this post:

1. Uh, NO - I'M actually not the Drama Queen this time.

2. If your name is Nancy or Jane, I apologize in advance.

Alright, you may proceed....

So we went out for dinner and Hope has to use the restroom.

We walk in and see two girls standing by the sinks. One of them is all fancied up (hair and make-up, etc) and the other one is rather plain. Fancy girl is crying hysterically and yanking bobby-pin after bobby-pin out of her now drooping, fancy hair.

Hope steps into her little bathroom stall and I lean against the wall, my eyes glued to the scene unfolding in front of me. The girls seem completely oblivious to my presence.

Plain Jane is trying to console Fancy Nancy - but Fancy Nancy is having none of it and continues to yank bobby-pins out of her hair.

Plain Jane tries to rub Fancy Nancy's shoulders and tell her that "the judges were total idiots - they were just, like, blind ya know?"

Fancy Nancy slaps Plain Jane's hands away and screams " OMG, you're not helping!"

(For the record, she actually said the letters O.M.G.)

Plain Jane doesn't seem to mind this somewhat violent rejection and continues in her quest to soothe Fancy Nancy's wounded spirit. She says,

"You are beautiful and you have so much going for you. The judges were just uncapable to see the sheer majesty of your personification and, like, stature. They totally don't know how, like, smart you are or how, like, intelligent you are and, like, staturesque you are."

(Wait.... what?)

Fancy Nancy looks down into Plain Jane's face and says, "They didn't, did they.... OH YEAH. And neither do I because I don't even know what you are SAYING! SHUT UP - YOU'RE NOT HELPING!"

(Ooooh, this is getting good - I begin hoping that Hope has to do some serious business in the bathroom so that I can stay a little longer and watch the show. Plain Jane's ability to speak without saying anything is fascinating - as is her resiliance to Fancy Nancy's abuse.)

Plain Jane does not seem to notice Fancy Nancy's contempt for her and prattles on mindlessly. She clears her throat, takes a deep breath, tilts her head back slightly, and with her eyes closed and eyebrows raised, she declares,

"You have the ability to move people. Really (she pauses and inhales deeply through her nose) ... move them, ya know? And those judges? They're just on, like, another plane of reality. The kind of plane that, like.... just doesn't....... move. They don't understand your power of effervescence (said in a whisper-shout while waving her hands in front of her as if she was drawing a circle). It doesn't move their plane so it's their mistake. It's a mistake that will, like, manifest all kinds of, like, trauma and moral fortitude. You just... didn't move their plane."

(Dude.... this girl is awesome.)

Fancy Nancy spins around so she is facing Plain Jane - her blue eyes blazing, and her mouth twisted into a vicious sneer.

(Yessss - they're gonna fight!)

She leans into Plain Jane's face and says, "Really? Is that why I lost? Because I can't move planes? But I'm so pretty! Planes shouldn't have anything to do with it! No one told me about planes! What are you even SAYING? I'm not a (expletive) pilot - I don't know anything about moving planes!"

Fancy Nancy starts shaking all over and continues shrieking incoherently about the injustice of the judges and the fact that she's pretty and shouldn't have to know how to move planes.

(Crap, she's having a seizure, maybe I should call 911...)

In an attempt to jar Fancy Nancy out of her rapidly accelerating downward spiral of emotional pain and misery, Plain Jane suddenly embraces Fancy Nancy and says, "There, there... you're just upset. You don't know what you're saying. You need to take some time to admonish your thoughts. You need to find your place in the circle of life - find your movement. Only then will any of this make sense."

(Is that the secret? I need to admonish my thoughts and find my movement?)

Fancy Nancy shakes Plain Jane off and says, "But I'm so pretty...." and storms out of the bathroom leaving me alone with Plain Jane.

Neither one of us moved.

The silence was deafening.

At this point Plain Jane finally notices that she's had an audience during her little counseling session.

She looks at me with a smirk, rolls her eyes as she walks out the door and says, "Beauty Queens are so stupid."

My Name is Heidi Goble and I.... am a Nerd.

Okay, I admit it.

I... am a total nerd.

And I'm totally okay with it. In fact - I embrace it.

Here are a few facts that support my claim:

I own every season of Star Trek: The Next Generation on DVD. I know them all by heart (I even know the title of each episode)

I LOVE anything science fiction or fantasy (Lord of the Rings, Vampires, Star Trek - it's all awesome).

My favorite birthday gift of all time (aside from sentimental family gifts, of course) is a complete set of blueprints to the The Starship Enterprise NCC-1701-D (Baker Family - I will forever love you for that).

I love to talk about inconsistencies in movies such as X-Men, Wolverine, The Matrix, etc.

My iPhone has both a Tricord app as well as a phaser app and I play with these apps on a regular basis.

I incorporate jargon from Star Trek The Next Generation into my everyday conversations. For example, I will use sci-fi speak to describe every day things. (an example might be - instead of saying "there's a crack in my windshield," I will say - "hull integrity is down to 72%" - or I will refer to a flashlight as a palm beacon - or... instead of "going poo" I will say "jettison the core").

Hmmm....

Perhaps I've said too much....

So go ahead.

Roll your eyes at me.

Shout out NerdAlert when I walk in the room.

I can take it.

But be careful...

Resistance is Futile.

My Heart, My Hope...

Her voice soothes my soul

Her smile warms my heart

Her laugh brightens the darkest of days

When she sits with me and tells me everything about her day, I want to stop time so I can soak it all in

When she sits with me and doesn’t say a word, my anxieties are quieted and all seems right with the world

When she runs to me and gives me a hug, she reminds me of what’s really important

When she runs to me with tears in her eyes, she fills me with purpose

Her kindness has taught me so much

Her gentleness overwhelms me

Her ability to simply love without question moves me to tears and serves as an example of how I should love others

She’s 8 years old
She’s my daughter
She’s my teacher
She’s my world
She’s my Hope…

MAXImum Misunderstanding

So I'm standing at Costco next to my overflowing cart of freshly purchased groceries. Kurt had to run to the restroom, so I'm leaning against the wall next to the ATM waiting for him.

A nice looking guy walks up to the ATM to make a transaction.

I feel him looking in my direction (he's on the left of me, and we're only about 2 feet away from each other so my personal space alerm was beginning to buzz).

I look up and see him looking at me - smiling.

Hmmmm.... he's smiling.

At me?

I look to my right, there is no one there. I look back at him.

He's still smiling at me.

I smile back and then look away.

I can't help it...

I start sportin' a satisfied grin.

Yep.

I've still got it!

Satisfied sigh....

A few seconds pass - I can feel him still staring at me.

Hmmm....

The moment of flattery has passed - now it's a little awwwwwkward.

I look him in the face - our eyes lock - and he's still smiling.

But his smile has gone from a "Hey-you're-sorta-cute-in-a-mid-thirties-frumpy-wife-and-mom-kind-of-way" smile to a "Smirky-you're-an-idiot-if-you-think-I-was-smiling-at-you-cuz-you're-cute" kind of smile.

I'm confused.

He completes his transaction and continues to smirk at me as he walks past me and my overflowing grocery cart.

And then I see it.

You know how they don't put anything in bags at Costco? They just pile it in sideless, topless boxes?

Well, in my cart, on the top of Mount GroshMore, sticking straight up for all of the world to see, basking in all of it's teal green glory....

A jumbo sized box of Maxi pads.

Oh yeah.

I've definitely still got it.

Sigh...

Sometimes You Just Need to Watch I Love Lucy...

I love this show.

You should love it too.

The Howertons Need Our Help...

I typically blog about lighthearted things - silly things - things that dont' really matter.

But given what's going on in the Haiti right now, I want to use my blog to spread the word about an opportunity where we can help make a difference.

There's an Orange County family trying to finalize the adoption of their son, Keanan in Haiti. Kristin (the mom) was in Haiti visiting him when the earthquake hit. They all survived and Kristen was evacuated but was forced to leave Keanan there. The Howertons are desperately trying to get him home and they need our help.

(Kristin with her son Keanan and her daughter Karis - taken about an hour before the quake hit)

In a crisis of this magnigtude, we often feel paralyzed by helplesness. The destruction is so overwhelming - the loss is so great.

But here's an opportunity where WE CAN HELP!!!

Please take a few moments to read the Howerton's blog - it provides details on what we can do to help them bring their precious boy home. It's easy - it takes very little time - and it will make a difference.
Also, pass the word along to your friends so that they can help too. The blogging community is huge, and word spreads fast. Let's use it to affect change and get this family together! If you have a blog or if you are on Facebook, post the link to their blog so that you can pass the word to even more people.
Here's the link to their blog: http://thehowertons.blogspot.com/

Don't pass on this opportunity to help this family...