Inside the Non-Actor's Studio

I have finally accepted the sad fact that James Lipton is never going to invite me to be a guest on his show (Hey, it's HIS loss, right?)...

But, just in case he DOES come to his senses and invite me to be a guest, this is how I would answer his questions. I provided several answers for each question because I'm far to complex to be encapsulated in just a few words.

What is your favorite word?
Momma, Mommy, Mom (you get the idea)
Pontificate
Encapsulate
Profundity
Freakin'
Facebook

What is your least favorite word?
Stool
Moist
Panties
Bowel-Movement
Literally

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Everything about my husband.
Being accepted.
Being told that I've made a difference.
Comments on my blog (not that I'm dropping hints or anything).

What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Apathy.
Someone rolling their eyes at me.
Smelly smells.
Being sweaty.

What sound or noise do you love?
My kids laughing.
My husband playing his guitar.
Hope playing the piano.
Jack (my two year old) eating a banana.
The words "Previously, on Lost..."

What sound or noise do you hate?
Whining (adult or child).
The sound wet noodles make when being stirred.
Loud chewing.
Someone gulping water.

What is your favorite curse word?
I could list a few but I'm striving for a family-friendly blog.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Writer.
Astronaut.
The person who counts the Oscar ballots (I love the idea knowing who the winners are before anyone else).

What profession would you not like to do?
The person who drives the shuttle from the airport to the offsite airport parking lot.
An employee at Starbucks (just the idea of having to remember the names of high maintenance and neurotic coffee drinkers tires me out).
Cole Miner
Anything that makes you famous (life is hard enough without people hiding in the bushes waiting to get an unflattering picture of you, writing mean stories about you and going through your trash)

What would like you to hear God say when you reach the Pearly Gates?
I'm proud to call you My child.
I love you.
I'm happy to see you.
Your Mom is here and she can't wait to see you. She just baked a white cake with white frosting and is all ready for a chat.
I'm sorry for creating Dora the Explorer and The Backyardigans. Thomas doubted that I could create something that would be completely irritating; Peter was in denial too - so I had to prove them wrong.

Okay - your turn. How would you answer these questions?