Thursday, February 26, 2009

Give me a P! Give me an O! Give me a TTY!

This is Jack.

He's 2 and a half.

And couldn't care less about going potty in the potty.

I need help on this one.

Does anyone have any tips on potty training?

Monday, February 23, 2009

The fact of the matter is...

Taking out the garbage is man's work.

Can I get an Amen?!

My Favorite Oscar Moment

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I love watching the Oscars.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Dieting: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

I've been on a diet for 6 weeks now.

I've met with enough success that I'm motivated to continue.

That's good.

I'm craving junk food so bad that I'm considering stealing all of my daughter's Valentine's candy while she sleeps.

That's bad.

Whenever I see skinny people I want to kill them.

That's ugly.


I hate being on a diet.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Popularity Contest

I was attending an advertising seminar.

We broke into small groups and each took a turn telling the group what we do for a living.

It was my turn.

"I work in Medical Malpractice insurance."

The group responded with total silence.

Blank stares.

I think I even heard crickets chirping.

Next girl's turn.

"I work in a club - we sell Lap Dances."


No crickets that time...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

It was more than just a crib...

Jack graduated from a crib to a big-boy bed.

We've been talking about it for a while - and decided on Monday that we would do it.

I was so excited.

Until it came time to take the crib apart.

It was pretty old - and had been taken apart several times over the years - so there was no saving it.

It broke when Kurt took it apart.

Something about seeing it in pieces like that really got to me.

It was more than just a crib.

It was the crib that both my kids used.

The crib that the kids and I would play peek-a-boo with.

The crib that both kids stood up in and fell asleep standing up because they couldn't figure out how to lay back down.

The crib that Hope was standing in when she ate half a tube of Butt Paste.

The crib Jack was sitting in when he threw his first big temper-tantrum.

The crib that both Hope and Jack slept in on their first night home with us.

The crib I leaned over so I could rub their backs when they cried (sometimes until I fell asleep leaning over it).

The crib that I paced in front of when one of them had a high fever.

The crib I prayed over every night when I tucked them in.

The crib I would just stare into and be amazed by how much love I felt for the little baby sleeping in it.

It was more than just a crib.

And now it's in pieces waiting to be taken to the dumpster.

I saved a piece of it. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, but I couldn't let it go.

It was more than just a crib...

Friday, February 13, 2009

In Retrospect, I Probably Should have Known Better...

(Some of you know this story but I’ve been asked to blog about it anyway).

My son Jack (he’s two and a half) loves tractors.

One thing that I have learned is that (according to Jack) there are a lot of vehicles that qualify as a “tractor.”

You’ve got your Bulldozers, your Dump Trucks, your Cherry Pickers, your Transporters, your Fork-Lifts, your Steam-Rollers, your Combines, your Excavators and of course your basic tractor-tractors.

And he loves them all.

He loves to play with tractors, he loves to talk about tractors, he loves to read books about tractors, and he loves, loves, LOVES to look at pictures of tractors on Momma’s computer.

One afternoon he climbs up on the couch next to me and says, “Momma my wanna see tractors on ur compooter.”

“Okay honey!” was my quick reply.

(I love to look at tractors on my computer with him because he gets all snuggly).

So I open my laptop and we start our familiar routine of doing a Google Image Search of “tractor.”

(For those of you unfamiliar with a Google Image Search – you can enter a word or phrase and click on "Search Images" and it will bring up pages and pages of pictures that best match the word/phrase you entered).

So we look at a few pictures of tractors and he asks to see pictures of Bulldozers.

So I enter “Bulldozer” in the search field.

Pages of Bulldozer images pop up and we begin looking at each of them.

After a few minutes of Bulldozer browsing he declares, “My wanna see a backhoe!”

“A what?” I ask.

“A backhoe momma, my wanna see a BACKHOE!”

"Is that a tractor?" I ask with concern building in my voice.

"Yes Momma - My wanna see a backhoe tractor."

Mmmm ‘kay….

I’ve not heard of this particular tractor.

And I have no idea how to spell it.

Did I mention that the images you get on your screen reflect the word you enter in the "Search" field?


So using the correct spelling is kind of a big deal.

I give it my best guess – and click “Search Images.”

Oh dear...

I guess I spelled it wrong.


Thursday, February 12, 2009

I Think it's Perfectly Normal; Part XIX

I cannot handle getting my face wet.

It horrifies me.

I will do whatever necessary to avoid getting water on my face.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Mouse has Momma Issues

So we bought Hope the movie "The Little Mermaid, Ariel's Beginning." In the movie, they show what happened to Ariel as a child - including her mother's unfortunate demise. As I was watching it I started thinking about other Disney movies and discovered a disturbing trend.

Have you ever noticed how many Disney movie plots have a dead mom - and/or an evil step-mother?

Seriously - there are a lot of them.

1. Bambi
2. The Fox and the Hound
3. The Rescuers
4. Dumbo (mom was locked up and deemed "crazy")
5. Snow White
6. Jungle Book
7. Oliver & Company
8. Cinderella
9. Tarzan
10. Beauty & the Beast
11. The Little Mermaid
12. Aladdin (mom is not mentioned - but is MIA)
13. Finding Nemo
14. Brother Bear
15. Lilo & Stitch
16. Chicken Little
17. Hunchback of Notre Dame

There are probably more - these are just the ones I could think of.

If find this troubling. Is Disney trying to send a message?

What's next? An animated version of Mommy Dearest?

Saturday, February 7, 2009

The Sacred Guardian of Justice (who knew he wore a black, sparkly headband?)

Jack walked up to me dressed in his Superhero getup (which is comprised of the following):

1. Plush Tiger mask
2. Winnie the Pooh blanket-cape
3. Go-Diego-Go tool belt (complete with magnifying glass, ultra colorful swiss army knife and walkie-talkie)
4. Buzz Lightyear slippers (thank you DiscoMommy!)
5. A Black, sparkly headband(which he swiped from his sister)

He thrust his right fist straight up in the air and shouted with great conviction,

"Momma! My a Superhero and my want justice!"

Oh my...

I stifled a laugh and said, "Oh Jack, you're such a Goof-Ball."

Without missing a beat he thumped his chest and he came back with,

"Yessss... BUT! My the Goof-Ball of JUSTICE!"

Then he stuck his nose in the air, threw his Winnie the Pooh blanket-cape over his shoulder, turned on his heel and ran away.

Undoubtedly to seek Justice.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I Think it's Perfectly Normal; Part XVIII

I love the rain.

Maybe it’s because my mom loved it so much and it reminds me of our long chats about nothing and everything…

Maybe it’s because of the sound it makes on the windows…

Maybe it’s because it goes perfectly with grilled cheese and tomato soup...

Maybe it’s because it brings back so many good memories of growing up in Portland…


I love the rain…

Sunday, February 1, 2009

My Secret Celebrity Crush is:

Drew Carey.

I can't help it.

And I can't explain it.