Friday, September 5, 2008

Vacation Confession #2


I'll spare you any details - but rather give you just enough to appreciate the true horror of the situation.

Kurt and I go for night swim (G-rated).

St. George has a pretty healthy Bat population. They love patrolling the pool at night for bugs.

The pool has one of those underwater vacuum cleaner/filter things. It wanders all over the pool on its own.

The pool is not lit.

I'm swimming in the deep end of the pool - Kurt's swimming in the shallow end.

I look up and see a pretty good sized bat swoop straight for me. It got so close I could see the veins in its wings (he was backlit from the street lamp). At that exact second, something suddenly latches onto my right calf and won't let go!! Of course I know that the stinkin' bat just dove under the water and is now feasting on my leg!!

Okay - I'm just gonna say it. In that instant I may have almost had a tiny accident in the pool. I'll just leave it at that.

I start flailing in the water and I'm screaming, "It's got my $!&% leg! It's got my $!&% leg!"

Kurt swims over to me, laughing and saying, "Heidi! It's the vacuum - it's just the vacuum!"

What? I'm thinking that I've just survived a nearl fatal bat-attack (somthing that would make a stellar blog entry) and you're telling me that I've been assualted by an appliance?!

I kept uncontrollably shaking, twitching and, okay I'll admit it, even "speaking harshly" (really, really loudly) for the next 5 minutes (the "harsh speaking" could be interpreted as swearing, I'll leave it up to you. HEY, you try taming your tongue when you're being eaten alive by BATS) .

I made Kurt disassemble that wretched vacuum for the remainder of the vacation and from that day forward, I vowed that I would never again be seen outside in St. George after dusk.

15 comments:

Kristi said...

Oh Heidi. I would have done the same. I LOATHE bats.

VikingMom said...

That is stinkin' funny. Aren't you glad it was a G rated swim? How awkward would that have been? LOL

Have I ever told you that I absolutely love your stories?

World of Wright said...

THAT SUCKS!!! Get it..."sucks"...vacume...I kill myself!

discomommy said...

Oh I love it! I might have to pull my Jon vs. bat story out of the vault so you don't feel so badly. But he might be mad!

Diane Davis said...

you are such a great story teller... this is so stinkin funny.

please tell me you just pee'd a little and didn't have a mess to clean up...

gina... tell the jon bat story!!! :)

Heidi said...

Gina - I need to hear the bat story. Throw Jon under the bus, baby. I wanna hear the story.

johnsonandjohnson said...

Dude....a bat attacked me and my sister when we lived in KY and were swimming at night....and by attacked, it didn't touch us, but it wanted to.

christie walker said...

I LOVE bats!!! but i do not think I want to be attacked by one.. or the pool vacume for that matter

Lisa P said...

This is so vividly funny! If you had caught that on tape, you'd be a millionaire, and it might have all been worth it. So hilarious!

Brazenlilly said...

What do you mean "would make"? This was a stellar blog entry. I'm glad that I'm not the only mommy in the world who MAY rarely ALMOST have teeny accidents during high trauma situations. Or an intense sneeze. Or when I try to run. But I digress. Awesome, scary story!

Anonymous said...

You are sooooooo funny. I would have been hilarious watching you scream about the pool vac. You are definitely "batty".

crosenthal said...

Just saying hi and trying to get a permanent name on your blog

Stacey said...

Wow. Now you and Bruce share a common bond. Wish I could have witnessed your little bat encounter...I could use a good laugh...I know...that's what friends are for!

Don said...

Crap...I wish I'd read this yesterday! That would have removed ALL sadness from the day!!!!

Anonymous said...

That was really funny! I actually laughed out loud! Brandi