Saturday, November 29, 2008

Wire hangers don't bother me a bit.

So Monday was a tough day at our house.

Jack was in rare form. He got in big trouble twice. The first time he was using a toy to attempt to destroy the house. The second time he was using a different toy to torment his sister.

Both times he was given multiple warnings and ignored them. So, both toys ended up in the trash.

It was bad. He cried, screamed raged and rifled through the trash to retrieve his precious weapons of chaos and destruction. Hope wasn't much help.... She was in tears because her brother was sad. She wanted him to get another chance. But he didn't get one (he'd already had several).

The toys are gone forever.

Several times I questioned my judgement, but it was too late at that point - I had to follow through.

Fast forward to Tuesday.

Jack hurt his hand at daycare. Nothing serious - but very painful (his finger nail will probably fall off...). Then Kurt took him to the doctor to be screened for diabetes (he'd been displaying some troubling symptoms). That screening involved getting a catheter. NOT a pleasant experience for anyone let alone a two year old little boy. (Test came back negative - and he's fine).

Hope and I arrived home. I explained that Jack has had a REALLY rough day. I told her, "Hope we need to be extra nice to Jack tonight because he isn't feeling very well."

She stared at me without saying a word.

Her expression darkened and her voice cracked with emotion as she shouted, "Of course I'll be nice Mom. But I sure hope that you're gonna be nice too and not throw any more of his toys away!"

And without another word, she stormed into the house leaving me alone in the driveway feeling like the worst mom ever.

I wanted to explain to her that I didn't choose to throw those toys away - Jack made that choice when he repeatedly disobeyed. I wanted to tell her that my heart hurt when he was so sad because his toys were gone. I wanted to tell her that I had to fight to leave those toys in the trash; that everything in me was saying, just give them back and give him another chance.

I don't know if I handled any of it very well and I'm pretty sure that I am officially out of the running for Mother of the Year. I hope that someday both Hope and Jack will understand how much I love them... I hope that they'll understand that discipline is a form of love... I hope that someday I'll be better at conveying love while disciplinining my children...

I hope that somehow we all survive this process...


Rick said...

The sibling rule: No one can mess with my brother/sister except me. I was mid-discipline with Jeslyn Friday afternoon, and Jolie was trying to give her a stuffed doll to make her feel better. I apologized last night after church, and she (Jeslyn) was about as nice to me as Hope was to you.

VikingMom said...

You're a good mom. This whole parenting thing isn't easy...if you find it easy, then you're not doing the job right. There are times when it tears you in two because doing the right thing by your child doesn't always make them happy. Someday when they're well adjusted adults who don't torment others with their toys, they'll have you to thank. :) Big hugs to you!

Anonymous said...

I heard a couple of quotes on parenting recently,

"Parenting is a partnership with God, it's a privilege and responsibility" and

"Discipline is the most important gift you can give your child; it's not just for childhood but for a lifetime"

I think you did the right thing; next time Jack (and Hope) will KNOW you’re serious! Cut yourself some slack, you did the right thing : ) Brandi

The Unlikely Pastor's Wife said... Do get the Best Mom of the Year Award for being consistent and holding to your word and discipline, That is the best form of love we can give our kids.
No one ever said that learning how to be nice and kind to others was easy....and its even harder for kids. I am sure next time your son will know you mean what you say.
Great job mom.....GREAT JOB!!!!

StephanieJ said...

Heidi - you are a rock is SO HARD to be a mom. SO HARD....and of course, none of us believed our parents when they said "this is hurting me more than you"....until WE became parents and understood HOW HARD it is to give consenquences and punishments to these beautiful little blessings that God has trusted to is so hard.
I saw a fridge magnet once that said "raising children is like being pecked alive by children" just can't win - if you discipline - they don't understand and think you're mean...if you don't discipline - your children are MONSTERS and you have to stand before God and explain why you did nothing to raise your children in the nurture AND admonition of the Lord.....they WILL understand, someday - when they are a Godly man and a Godly woman and they are proud that you are their mom.

World of Wright said...

My trash can has seen it's share of toys believe me!
Recently when I threw a toy away Jagger decided he would take out the trash for me (sneaky little boy). I later found that same toy hidden in his closet. I pretended not to notice. I think every time I need to take out the trash I might just throw a toy away.

Diane Davis said...

i love that hope has jack's back. the fact that they are allowed to have such strong feelings just shows how safe they feel with you.

The Unlikely Pastor's Wife said...

BTW- did I mention that one time I threw my daughter's toys away only to dig them up later after she went to bed thinking I would surprise her one day when she was really good?

Yea....but the problem was that day was etched in her memory as why she will listen and pick up her toys. One day she found the bag....(oops) and asked how come it was still there.....I told her I decided to give it to another little girl who didn't have toys.

Her response, 'Good idea Mommy"

So yes....he will get it. :-)

Billy said...

I've thrown a toy out of the car while driving 40 miles an hour. That is way more traumatic than just putting them in the trash can.

Ask Laurel who went back to find it though.

The Reverend's Lover said...

oh you've inpired me with that little number!!
Well well done on meaning what you say :)