The Appetite Returneth...

We're in line at Costco.

Jack is sitting in the cart holding a container of apples.

He stares at one of the apples in the bunch and says with great aggression,

"I'm gonna eat you apple."

"You and your friends."

I don't have the words...

Jack got sick on Thursday.

I began sharing the story on Friday afternoon.

He was given a clean bill of health today!

Since this littly odyssey started I've had over 250 notes, comments on facebook/blogs, emails and phone calls from people letting me know that they're praying for Jack - and for us.

Some of the people who contacted me were very close friends. Some were family members. Some were people that I haven't seen in over 20 years... Some were from people that I've never met (they were friends of friends).... Some were from friends I've made in the blog world and have never met in person...

I am overwhelmed.

So many people praying...

I cannot begin to thank you all enough. The love that all of you showed to me and my family is something that I will always remember. Something that I will always treasure.

Thank you so very, very much...

Anxiety, Letting Go and Kawasaki's Disease

(If you don't know why I'm mentioning Kawasaki's Disease, read the prior entry to get up to speed on what's been going on with Jack).

Jack woke up this morning and the rash had subsided - there were only a few spots on him and you had to really look to find them.

His fever had dropped to around 99.5.

The swelling in his hands and feet seems to be slowly going away.

I should be happy. I should be thrilled.

But I'm terrified.

I'm terrified that I'm going to take him to the doctor tomorrow - that they're going to look at him and declare him healthy because he no longer shows any of the symptoms of Kawasaki's Disease.

And I'm terrified that they're going to be wrong.

Throughout this experience, I feel like I've stayed pretty even. Like I haven't freaked out or obsessed about anything.

So why am I freaking out now? When things seem to be getting better?

Don't get me wrong.

I don't WANT him to be sick.

I don't WANT him to be hospitalized.

I want the ugliness of the last few days to be over and done.

I want everything to be the way it was before this all started.

But what if they miss something and then he has damage to his heart? (that's the big thing with Kawasaki's Disease - if it goes untreated it will damage his heart. It's the leading cause of heart disease among children).

Maybe I'm just tired... I know that I don't have much perspective right now.

I get so frustrated with myself. Why can't I just be happy? Why do I have to make things so difficult?

I get so irritated with people who just can't be happy - you know - people who are only happy when they're miserable.

When did I become one of those people?

I need to let it go. I need to trust. I need to believe that the doctors know what they're doing. As Kurt told me, "I need to be okay with getting good news tomorrow."

But I don't know how to do any of those things.

I know that I'm not a trained scientist.

I know that I'm not a doctor who specializes in infectious disease or pediatric cardiology.

I'm just his mom.

And I'm terrified...

What's wrong with Jack...

A lot of you who follow Facebook know that Jack is sick.

I wanted to write about it on my blog because, quite frankly, I need to get it out somehow. The stress of the last two days is wearing on me, and writing it all down will hopefully help a little.

On Thursday Jack developed a rash on his stomach and back. I didn't think much of it - I thought it was a reaction from wearing too much sunscreen or something.

By Thursday night he had a low grade fever - nothing too serious.

On Friday morning the rash had faded quite a bit and his fever was gone. So Kurt and I both went to work and sent Jack to daycare.

At about 11 on Friday morning I got a call that Jack needed to be picked up. His fever had returned.

I was shocked when I saw him.

His cheeks, ears and the palms of his hands were dark red - almost purple.

The rash had returned. It was darker and had spread.

His ears looked as though they were starting to blister.

His cheeks were peeling.

His hands were very swollen.

His fever was 102.

We took him straight to the doctor.

The doctor examined him for several minutes and kept asking us if he'd eaten anything new, if we'd starting a new detergent, etc. All No.

She asked to look at his feet and I was suprised to see that they were as swollen as his hands. The bottoms of his feet were as red as the palms of his hands.

She said his throat was "fiery red."

She looked concerned - so of course I was concerned.

I could tell she was not telling us everything. It's very frustrating when you know someone's not telling you the whole story. Your imagination immediately goes to all the dark places. She mentioned that it looks like Kawasaki's Disease - but will have to wait for the test results.

She ordered a bunch of blood work, a throat culture and a chest x-ray.

The doctor told us to take him to urgent care on Saturday if the rash/fever/swelling are still there.

So Friday was a very rough day.

The blood draw was the worst. It took both of us to hold him down. They missed the vein the first time - but were able to find it without sticking him again. But not before Jack vomitted all over himself. It was bad. And they took so much blood! 4 vials and a bottle that looked like a miniature Coke bottle.

Throat culture was negative for strep. Chest x-ray was negative for pneumonia. The doctor called us at about 8:30 last night to let us know that his blood culture was negative for bacterial infections and that his white count was good. The news on his white count was especially good because cancer was a concern.

On Saturday morning, the fever/rash/swelling were all present and accounted for. So off to urgent care we went. The swelling had begun to spread up his legs and there was swelling in his groin as well.

The doctor at the urgent care center told us that everything points to Kawasaki's Disease - but they don't know for sure. Kawasaki's is still very new - they don't know what causes is and the only way they can diagnose it is by ruling everything else out.

She did say that if he still has a fever on Monday - we should plan for a hospital trip.

Kawasaki's is treated with IV antibiotics and asprin therapy.

I don't know much about it - I'm trying to search to much on the internet because my experiences have told me that googling symptoms is NEVER a good idea...

It seems like every couple hours or so something new pops up. Like this afternoon Jack all of sudden fell down and said he couldn't walk anymore. He said his feet hurt. At first I thought he just wanted to be held - but when he wouldn't even walk to the coffee table to get gummi-savers, I knew he really couldn't walk.

Several hours later, his feet broke out in a fresh rash - this one was like blisters - and they hurt to the touch. They were big too - one was about the size of a nickel.

I'm tired.

I'm scared.

I'm frustrated.

I'm not coping well.

I ate almost all of the Easter Candy left in both kids' Easter Baskets.

I keep snapping at Hope.

I keep thinking the worst.

If you have a chance, please say a prayer for Jack.

I'm hoping that Monday holds the answers - but Monday seems so far away...

I think it's Perfectly Normal; Part XXII

I LOVE office supplies.

I can't get enough of them.

You can never have too many office supplies.

So....

My birthday is in November.

I'm just sayin'...

Water Resistant doesn't mean Washer Resistant

I always forget to check pockets when I do laundry.

I pay for it every single time and vow to check them the next time.

And then I forget.

Again.

Tubes of Pink lipstick are the worst.

Except for your husband's flashdrive that has like his entire life's work stored on it.

Yeah....

I'm still paying for that one.

I Think it's Perfectly Normal; Part XXI

I hate the smell of Cheerios.

Well, only Cheerios with milk on them.

Dry Cheerios don't bother me.

But Cheerios with milk?

Seriously.

It makes me gag every time.

Mom's wearin' her kick-butt face...

I get really angry when someone is mean to one of my children.

Seriously. Really angry.

It happened today. A little boy was mean to Jack.

The kid threw a fist full of oatmeal in Jack's face (they were only standing about a foot from each other so it got in his eyes, up his nose, everywhere...)

Jack cried.

I was raging inside and it took every shred of self-control in me to not tear that other little boy's arms and legs off.

Sigh...

Here's the thing.

I know that two things are true:
1. Other peoples' kids are going to be mean to my kids.
2. My kids are going to be mean to someone else's kids (I don't like admitting this but I know it's true).

That's just how things go.

But it still sucks.

I'm still sad that Jack got his feelings hurt.

And I still want to throw a barrel of oatmeal in that little punk's face so he can see how it feels.

Oh to be that carefree...

Hope going after giant bubbles

Jack kickin' it in the swing

Hope going after more bubbles

My kids remind me that life is to be enjoyed.

You wanna be a what?!

(WARNING: This blog post contains images that may be disturbing for younger audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.)

Jack was sitting on our bed looking at books. Out of nowhere he looks up at me and says,

"Momma I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

(for those of you who don't know, I'm unbelievably horrified by clowns)

"Ummm..... no, honey. No clowns - okay?"

"Okay Momma - I'm gonna be a great big clown!"

Oh dear.

Will I have to resort to showing him my clown pictures?

Here is a sample.

(and in case you're wondering, the answer is NO. I'm not really going to show him this picture... I won't lie, I considered it for a second or two - but I'm not really going to do it. So please don't send me hate mail. Thank you.)

I Hate April Fool's Day

Apparently our IT people enjoy April Fool's Day.

Nice...