Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Insecurity knows no boundaries. I struggle with it when it comes to my appearance, abilities, intellect, etc.

It can be pretty bad sometimes. Yesterday was one of those days.

I felt ugly, stupid, ugly, useless, ugly, worthless, ugly. Did I mention ugly?

In the midst of my self-loathing pity-party I walked into our living room and I heard my beautiful, 8 year old daughter singing a song called Mirror (by the band Barlow Girl) in her sweet little voice.

She didn't see or hear me walk in the room. I just stood and listened to her as she sang out every single word.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've
always told me
who I am
I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of
He who made me
And to Him I have beauty
beyond compare
I know He defines me
You don't define me, you don't define me...

I was struck by the contrast between her words and my feelings.

When the song ended I slipped into my room, shut the door and the tears came.

I said a prayer that Hope would always believe the words of this song.

That she'll know that the beauty of who she is will never be limited to physical appearances.

That she will never let her reflection dictate her value.

That she will believe that she is fearfully and wonderfully made - that her Maker is perfect and doesn't make mistakes.

That she'll never doubt that she is loved unconditionally - regardless of how she looks, how talented she is or how smart she is.

And then I prayed that God would help me believe the words of this song as well...


StephanieJ said...

Amen. May it be true for my daughters as well.

Jeff and Aimee said...

Thanks for your transparency, Heidi.

hbmommy said...

Oh man...this one made me cry. I have "ugly" days all the time....All.The.Time. It's ridiculous. And as women, we really need to be each other's cheerleaders. Personally, every time I see you I think how pretty you are. But I know the feeling. And I wish I could remember back to before I ever knew it...before the first time some kid called me "ugly"...when I felt like Hope does. I pray she will never know that feeling, either.

World of Wright said...

Once I heard Stephen singing a song in his room alone when he was about 5.
It was a song made popular by LL Cool J but instead of using the name Brenda he replaced it with Mommy. "Mommy gotta big ol butt".
Can my kids borrow your kids' cd's?
I like Hope's song waaaay more!