I think it's perfectly normal; Part I

I drive everywhere with both the air conditioner and the seat warmer running on full blast.

Quite possibly the most annoying thing ever...

Seriously folks.

What is so difficult about putting on a new roll?

Back away slowly and nobody gets hurt.

Just a little background: My daughter Hope will be 7 next month and my son Jack is 2 and a half.

They are both profoundly talented at irritating each other. Hope consistenly shines in the role of the bossy big sister while Jack demonstrates his limitless mad skills as the grabby little brother.

You are now up to speed on the Goble Family Dynamic.

So this morning we're racing around trying to get out of the house by 7:45. I'm in Jack's room cleaning it up because we have to have the house "Open-House-Ready" before we leave for church.

Jack is on the loose - and just as it occurs to me that I haven't seen or heard him in a few minutes, I hear commotion coming from Hope's room. I'm not sure what happened, but it must have involved Jack being in forbidden territory because this is what I overheard:

(Hope talking to Jack)

"Arrrgh - Jack, NO! (Jack begins to protest but is quickly shut down by Hope's tirade. Once she is sure that she has his attention, she continues) Now you listen to me little man. My room is the biggest no-no in the entire world! Got it?"

I poke my head of of Jack's room to see Hope standing with her hands on her hips, bending down so that she is nose-to-nose with Jack.

She sees me and stands up quickly (I'm trying to not to laugh out loud at this point) and then she looks down at Jack and says (with a heavy sigh and a much quieter voice)

"Well... okay. My room is the biggest no-no in the entire house."

Sadly, Jack did not gain entry to the Promised Land that is Hope's room. Well, not yet anyway...

Budget Birthday

Okay readers - I need your help with this one. Hope's 7th birthday is next month and she's already asking me what we're going to do. She doesn't have any preferences - but I do: CHEAP.

Of course I want it to be fun - I'd like to do something creative, but inexpensive too.

So please!! Give me suggestions on creative and cheap party ideas - I am desperate!

The Shack

I started reading this on Sunday - I'm about half way through it. Parts of it have been unbelievably difficult to read. Honestly, I don't know I can finish it. I've been told that it's worth it - but seriously... I think it's the toughest book I've read.

Several people have commented on Facebook about how it's so great - but I don't know. Don't get me wrong, it's well written and the quality is not in question.

But I'm having a hard time.

Truthfully the topic of where is God in the midst of tragedy has always been a difficult topic for me. Why does He allow such tragedy when He has the power to stop it? I've heard countless sermons about it - had lots of conversations with friends about it. But I've never really gotten any answers. Actually that's not true. I've gotten answers - but they haven't really been the answers I was wanting to find. God is God - so He's all powerful - why can't He come up with a way for us to to learn what we need to learn without having to going through such horrible things (like the things I read in this book)? I realize how ridiculous that sounds. But it's a question I've had my entire adult life. I just don't get it. How is not stopping something bad from happening (when you have the power to stop it) any different from causing it to happen?

The trite answer that I get a lot from people is, "well it's all part of God's plan." I have a problem with that - because I believe that God gave us free will. So how does a "master plan" co-exist with free will? They contradict each other. It seems like there's got to be on or the other. Either we all have a free will and we're going to do what we're going to do and we're at the mercy of total chance; or there's a plan - and we're all just a bunch of puppets in which case we are totally exonerated from any and all responsibility because we don't have a choice in what we do.

I don't know. Maybe these questions are evidence that I need to finish the book - but the truth is, I find it very unsettling...

Naturally Unnatural

(For those of you familiar with I Love Lucy - this is not a ripoff of the Charm School episode. Sadly enough, it actually happened.)

I decided this morning that it's time for new make-up - yay! I love new make-up. I love the smell, I love the shiny new compact, I love the fact that you can still see your reflection in the mirror of said compact. Everything! I love everything about new make-up.

I get to the Clinique counter. I tell the girl that I would like her to help me pick out a foundation that will best match my skin.

"Oh for sure - of course!" came the enthusiastic response.

I sit down in the big white bar stool at the counter. She points that big ol' interrogation light in my face. She gets real close to my face (BIG no-no for me as I have moderate to serious personal space issues) and I hear her evaluating my skin.

She says, "Yeeeeeah, its' definitely time to change foundation. What you're wearing now doesn't match your skin tone at all. It's kind of blotchy and unnatural. It's all wrong."

(uncomfortable silence)

"Umm. Yeeeeeeah. See, I'm not wearing any foundation."

Sigh....

So I bought the new foundation. Several gallons of it.

C73-161

This weekend is kind of difficult.

Tomorrow marks six years since my mom passed away. I remember almost every litle detail about that day. My whole family was together. We stayed with mom all day. She was home, in her room, asleep and at peace. We sang to her, talked to her, held her hand. Slowly each breath got further and further apart.

And then she was gone.

I sat with her a while after everyone else had left the room. I kept telling her that I would be fine - that I would take care of Kurt and Hope (Jack hadn't come along yet) and that Hope would always know her Grandma Rekstad.

I couldn't get myself to leave because I knew that once I walked out of that room I'd never be near her again. How do you choose the moment that will be the last one you share with your mom? How do you look away from her face for the last time? How do you let go of her hand knowing that you'll never feel it again?

I knew she wasn't there anymore. That realization brought me great comfort because I knew she was with God and no longer in pain. But it also horrified me at the same time because I had to accept that she was really gone.

I stopped talking and just sat there, holding her hand and staring at her. Her hand was still so warm. There was no noise. It used to be that when we would sit together and not say anything - the accompanying silence was comfortable, peaceful. But that time it was different.

Haunting almost...

I still hear that silence.

I don't remember getting up and walking out of that room.

We had a funeral the following week. She had always said she wanted to be cremated and her ashes scattered off the coast in Oregon - a little place called Cannon Beach. It's hard not having a grave to go visit. That probably sounds weird - but I've always felt like I need a place to go be with her. I know that's dumb. She's not "there" anyway. We got one of those commemorative tiles outside Disneyland - the number is C73-161. I always go see it whenever we're there. Recently I bought a bottle of the perfume she always wore. I wear it and it feels like she's with me. Silly, I know... but in a strange way it brings me comfort.

Last night I heard a phrase in a song that helped me a lot.

"Don't worry where you bury me because I am home and I am free."

I'm so thankful for the truth in those words. And because of the promise behind those words, I know I'll see my mom again.

I am excited for that day - to be near her, to hold her hand. We have a lot to catch up on...

If you're easily offended, don't read any more of this post

Seriously. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I don't want to offend anyone. But one of my fellow bloggers told me I should blog this story, and I think it's worth repeating as well.

So Jack walks up to me last night (he's two years old).

Big smile on his face.

In his right hand he's holding his Nerf soccer ball. In his other hand he's holding his Nerf football.

"Momma look!!! I have big balls!"

That's my boy.

Hey. I tried to warn you.

Beware the brows....

(heard from living room) "Mommmm! Come quick! Jack's got the poopy eye brows!"

It's going by so fast...

They're so awesome....

Vacation Confession #3

So we'd never been to a Cracker Barrel before. Good food, good service, good prices.

Jack really took a liking to the Fried Okra. He ate a huge amount of it.

Really fast.

After dinner, Kurt bought some black licorice.

And gave some to Jack.

I wanted to browse the shops for a little bit, so Kurt took the kids outside to hang on the porch, rock in the rocking chairs and eat black licorice.

Well.... apparently black licorice and a whole mess of fried okra don't sit well on a 2 year old's stomach (perhaps it was all the rocking in the baby rocking chair).

When I walked out of the restaurant I was greeted by a fresh, hot and steamy puke-pile of what was once fried okra and black licorice (thankfully the porch was cement or else the corrosive acid from the okra and licorice would have burned a hole right through it in about 3 seconds flat).

We didn't have any more wipes (or spare Haz-Mat uniforms)

There was no one else around.

Sigh....

We just left it there, took off and never looked back.

So, if you're ever at the Cracker Barrel in St. George and you see a funky looking blackish-greenish stain by the baby rocking chairs, that's the Goble Family Crest.

Vacation Confession #2

I'll spare you any details - but rather give you just enough to appreciate the true horror of the situation.

Kurt and I go for night swim (G-rated).

St. George has a pretty healthy Bat population. They love patrolling the pool at night for bugs.

The pool has one of those underwater vacuum cleaner/filter things. It wanders all over the pool on its own.

The pool is not lit.

I'm swimming in the deep end of the pool - Kurt's swimming in the shallow end.

I look up and see a pretty good sized bat swoop straight for me. It got so close I could see the veins in its wings (he was backlit from the street lamp). At that exact second, something suddenly latches onto my right calf and won't let go!! Of course I know that the stinkin' bat just dove under the water and is now feasting on my leg!!

Okay - I'm just gonna say it. In that instant I may have almost had a tiny accident in the pool. I'll just leave it at that.

I start flailing in the water and I'm screaming, "It's got my $!&% leg! It's got my $!&% leg!"

Kurt swims over to me, laughing and saying, "Heidi! It's the vacuum - it's just the vacuum!"

What? I'm thinking that I've just survived a nearl fatal bat-attack (somthing that would make a stellar blog entry) and you're telling me that I've been assualted by an appliance?!

I kept uncontrollably shaking, twitching and, okay I'll admit it, even "speaking harshly" (really, really loudly) for the next 5 minutes (the "harsh speaking" could be interpreted as swearing, I'll leave it up to you. HEY, you try taming your tongue when you're being eaten alive by BATS) .

I made Kurt disassemble that wretched vacuum for the remainder of the vacation and from that day forward, I vowed that I would never again be seen outside in St. George after dusk.

It Begins.

Hope walked up to me after school today with a big grin on her face. I asked her, "Did you have fun at school today honey?"

"Oh yes Mommy" came the quick reply.

I looked over at her and noticed that she was grinning from ear to ear and her eyes were the size of dinner plates. Hmmm... I waited for her to elaborate on the reason behind the grin.

She got real close to me and said...

"I chased boys today."

Please keep Kurt in your prayers.