I'm Pretty Sure I'm Not Your Girl...

So I use Google Analytics to track the traffic to my blog.

It's pretty cool. It tells you how many visitors you get in a given time period, what country/state/city they're from, how long they're on your blog and how they found you.

The majority of my traffic comes from facebook - but some of it comes from people who are googling something and they find me.

You know how it is, you want to know about Butterfly Habitats and where you can buy them - so you google Butterfly Habitats and you get a million sites.

Based on some of the key words that people have entered, what I can tell you is this: The majority of the time, I'm pretty sure my blog did not provide what they were looking for (at least I HOPE it didn't).

Here is a sampling of some of the phrases that people entered and my blog popped up. Some of the searches made me laugh. Some of them made me a little nausous. Some of them just left me speechless.

(DISCLAIMER: In an effort to maintain a family friendly blog, I have omitted the R to X rated searches - but! If you're easily offended, do not continue reading.)

My Top Fifteen Favorite Searches

1. Childrens's curse words (Given Jack's love for the dark underbelly of the english language, I can see how someone would have found my blog with this search)

2. Forehead is squishy with steroids (I've got nothin'....)

3. How to control poop at school (Poop is a favorite topic of mine)

4. I wash my hair with battery acid (not a clue...)

5. Kid with a butt for his face (makes me giggle)

6. Looking for a goble head for obama (you know - a goble for president may not be such a bad idea).

7. Life is so much easier without panties on (I accept no responsibility for this whatsoever)

8. My mom and her huge butt (nope, nothin'...)

9. Personal space rules (I'm actually proud of that one - and I hope my rules on personal space helped some poor soul out there)

10. Puking at cracker barrel (YESSS!)

11. True stories about mermaids (Really? Ummm.... I wish I could find this person. There is so much I would like to discuss with her/him)

12. White people sitting in bathroom stalls (I will refrain from commenting on this one)

13. Groping panties in a bar (Hey, I warned you...)

14. You're a freakin' punk (I'm proud of this one too.)

15. Funniest blog ever (okay, okay, I made that one up)

So for those of you who found me using one of these searches - I hope you found enlightenment.

I know I did...