Open casting call for the role of Quasimoto - genuine likeness is preferred

Last week at this time...

So I'm sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office.

I'm sick.

Nasty business. I mean - naaaasty. Eyes are all sunken in, face is all gray, hair is stringy, my shirt has sweat splotches on it from the fever. I'm walking like I'm drunk - my balance is all out of whack so I'm partially bent over to keep from falling. I'm breathing with my mouth open, making a gutteral sound (much like a coffee pot just as it finishes brewing) ; when I blink my eyes, they make a scrathching sound like sandpaper rubbing against more sandpaper; every time I exhale I'm engulfed in a green fog and the wallpaper begins peeling off the walls. I'm pretty sure that there's a line of drool protruding from the left corner of my mouth.

But I'm okay with it because I'm at the doctor. Everyone there is sick too, right? That means that they look like crap too. That's the rule.

Yeah.

So I'm slouched over in my chair in the waiting room. I hear the door open several times but I don't look up because I don't want to make eye contact with anyone. Then my name is called. I get out of the chair with a groan and stand up (half way). At that point I survey the room to take comfort in the fact that everyone else in the waiting room must look just as sick as I do.

Oh dear.

My doctor deals primarily in Sports Medicine - perhaps you see where my story is going. Yeah. No one in that waiting room was sick No sunken in eyes, no gray faces, no mouth breathers, no sweat splotches, no one walking like they just failed a field sobriety test, no stringy hair, no green fog (except that which was coming from me), no drool strings or gutteral sounds. They were all athletes who were there for sports injuries.

Sigh....

After the doctor saw me, he sent me to the lab to have some tests done. Little did I know what "confidence booster" awaited me there.

More to come...