Daddy - Daughter Dating Dialogue

(Some of you have already read this on my husband's Facebook page, but I thought it warranted repeating.)

So Hope (who is 9) and Kurt are having a serious talk in the kitchen.

He says to her, "Now Hope, you know that you can't date until you're..."

She cuts him off with a roll of her eyes and retorts, "I know, I'know - I can't date till I'm like 45."

Kurt laughs and says, "You know I'm just kidding when I say that, right?"

"Yea" Hope responds slowly.

Kurt continues, "We'll probably let you double date when you're around 16. You know what double dating is?"

With renewed interest in the conversation, Hope says “Is that with two guys?”

I...... am so proud. ♥

2010 in Review - as told by our Facebook Status Updates

Okay, so this is the Goble version of the “Annual Christmas Letter.”
These are the highlights of 2010, as told by our Facebook Status Updates.

(Please don’t judge…)

JANUARY
Coffee of the day is: Jet Fuel (by Coffee People). It’s delightful. And extremely... caffeinated. Seriously. I’m really... Awake. This is good because Jack woke me up at 5:45 this morning and said, “Momma, I’m getting older and my voice is changing so I need to be awake and playing toys, not asleep in my smooshy bed.” ((sigh)) Don’t ask. I have NO idea where he gets this stuff.

Having dinner without one of the kids gagging/barfing at the table would be fantastic. It’s the simple things…

To the lady I caught with her face and hands pressed against my living room window looking into my house this morning: please don’t tap on the glass. I find the noise unsettling. Oh, and just because a house is for sale doesn’t mean that you can stalk its residents. Oh, and wash your face. You left a big grease stain on my window.

FEBRUARY
My coffee is ready, the couch is available and facebook is on the computer. All ready to commence with a little “me” time when Jack walks up to me and says, “Momma, will you please hold me?” My coffee is now cold and untouched, the computer went into hibernation mode and the cat has taken over my space on the couch. But who cares?! I got 20 minutes of snuggles from my little man. Life is so, so good…

HOPE: What happens if somebody gets too many speeding tickets?
KURT: They could get their license taken away.
HOPE: How would they get home?
KURT: Well, the officer wouldn’t take it away right then and there. They would have to go to court at some point and then the judge would take their license away.
HOPE: Okay, well, how would they get home from court?

MARCH
Hope is making purple pancakes, Kurt is cleaning purple food coloring off the counter, Jack is running around screaming “Purrrrrrrrple!” and I am leaving these Flying Purple Pancake Eaters to go play some serious Bunco in my pajamas (sadly, they are not purple).

Let’s be honest… sometimes kids just smell kinda bad.

Jack’s take on why we celebrate Easter: “Momma, on Easter we cheer for Jesus because He came away from the deadness. ((pause)) And coming away from the deadness is a BIG deal.”

Kurt is gonna wear shorts to church. Pink ones. He loves California.

APRIL
Great day spent with Kurt, the kids and my awesome First Christian Church family. Best.Easter.Ever.

Jack told me that he would snuggle with me on the couch if we could watch SpongeBob. We are now watching a SpongeBob marathon.

Personal space people, PERSONAL SPACE!

Heidi feels stupid because she took her son to his friend’s birthday party… a day early.

MAY
How is it possible that Jack is turning 4 tomorrow?

Gourmet veggie pizza, puppet-show theater put on by the kids, crazy bedtime stories and lots of laughs with Hope. Tonight’s been a good, good night.

Hope and Jack watched me open my Mother’s Day gift. As I was holding the gift in my lap, Jack asked (with his eyes glued to the gift I had just opened), “Ummm, Momma? When is Brother’s Day?”

Why is it that the only time I run into people I know at the grocery store is when I’m wearing pajamas and no make-up? Stupid poetic justice...

Feeling so blessed. So thankful…

JUNE
Morning just isn’t morning without a little clothes drama.

Jack just told Heidi that she’s big and handsome. She finds this troubling…

Dear God: Please help this kid realize that if he stops trying to force his way and starts concerning himself with pleasing me, his life will be so much happier.
Dear Kurt: Ditto.

Kurt, Hope and Jack make everything better.

JULY
Earthquake – 5.9!

So I was just told that the World Cup is NOT a competition referring to the World’s Best Cup of Coffee. I won’t lie; I’m pretty shook up about this.

Toy Story 3. Perfection.

Jack shoved one of his little green army men into the vent/grille under our refrigerator and it got stuck. Still reeling from watching Toy Story 3, Kurt and I were ready to take the entire refrigerator apart to free that little green army man. Tears were nearly shed. Army Man is now running free with his band of brothers. No toy left behind, people. No toy left behind. Victory is ours…

AUGUST
Hope leaves for her first trip to camp tomorrow – how is that possible? A whole week away – she’s so excited! ((sniff, sniff))

16 years ago I married the absolute best man in the entire world. Happy Anniversary Kurt – I love you!

HOPE: Dad, when we get home from camp we won’t have much time to do laundry before we have to leave for vacation and all my clothes are going to smell like squirrel poop.

Heidi told Jack he could choose what they have for dinner. So they had jelly tacos.

SEPTEMBER
Heidi thought of her Mom a lot today. Said good-bye 8 years ago… Very thankful for the time they got to share…

One day we’ll have Heaven. Joy will prevail and everything that is wrong with this world will be made right. But for now we have Del Taco.

Went to a barbeque last night. While our friend Bob prayed for dinner, I hear Jack shout out “Why is everyone sleeping?!”

Heidi is baking the Minnesota way. Baking cookies in a 9x13 pan and calling them bars.

OCTOBER
KURT: Jack, will you hurry up and go?
JACK: I gotta go poop.
KURT: Well then go poop. But hurry up, it’s bedtime!
JACK: Well I need a magazine!

New tradition in the Goble household: Every Wednesday is Speak-with-a-British-Accent-Day. It’s fun, family friendly and it’s free! So Bligh Me! Pip-pip, Cheerio, God save the Queen and all that sort of thing…

Happy Birthday to my beautiful girl – she is 9 years old today!

Heidi is still sick and has no voice at all. She’s totally unable to talk. No words whatsoever. In other news, Kurt is walking around in the greatest mood ever. Could the two be connected? This cynic thinks so…

NOVEMBER
Heidi overheard Hope singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun at the top of her lungs while taking a bath. Her cup runneth over…

Kurt is thankful that his heart, lungs and liver are not in a bag that has been inserted in his rear end. (this is a reference to the Thanksgiving turkey – given how bizarre this status update is, I thought it warranted some contextualizing…)

Heidi is sitting on a bench in the shade at Disneyland, drinking coffee and people-watching while Kurt takes the kids on the Matterhorn. So nice…

We were at Disneyland yesterday and Jack heard the announcer say to “let your imagination soar!” Flash forward to this morning. He walks up to me with a big frown. I ask him what’s wrong and he says, “My imagination is sore.”

DECEMBER
After much research, I have come to the conclusion that caffeine truly is the nectar of Heaven. On a less exciting note, I have also found iron clad evidence that eating too many jelly bellies will in fact produce a jelly belly.

If crappy cooking were a super power, Heidi would rule the world.

Kids. Kurt. Christmas music. Christmas decorating. Cozy fire. Completely perfect.

Can’t wait to see what 2011 brings!
Hope you have a wonderful holiday season…
Merry Christmas!

Plan B Birthday....

Today is my birthday.

I've been looking forward to this day for a while.

I had everything all planned.

We were going take the kids to see Tangled.

We were going to hang out and bake turkey cookies (you know, were you cut out the shape of your hand, bake it and frost it like a turkey).

We were going to build a fire and play board games.

Then, tonight, we were going to go out with friends for sushi.

I got up before anyone else, so I settled in on the couch to drink coffee, watch old episodes of the X-Files and wait for the kids to wake up so we could get this day started.

Kurt and Hope got up first.

Hope and I were chatting about how excited we were to see Tangled when we heard Jack stirring in his room. Kurt went to go get him.

I was in the middle of telling Hope how excited I was about our plans when I heard Kurt shout, "Heidi, Jack threw up in his bed!"

Eeeeeew....

I go in his room and find that the poor kid, his pillow, bed and stuffed animales were caked in barf. He had done it at some point during the night and then just slept in it.

The smell was so strong that the paint was beginning to peel off the walls.

I knew immediately that my birthday plans were not to be. I was so disappointed. I've been looking forward to his day for such a long time. I feel bad admitting this, but I was so irritated. I mean, really, who wants to clean up barf on their birthday?

I took Jack to the bathroom to get him in the tub. He was so sad..... Shivering, sick and smelly.... I washed him all up and wrapped him up in a blanket that Kurt had put in the dryer so it would be really warm. He looked up at me with his big, blue eyes and said (with a quivering chin), "Happy Birthday Momma. I love you..."

Tears..... (mine, not his)

How I love this family.

And I can honestly say that I'm perfectly content to stay home, cleaning dried barf out of my four year old's ears.

It's not the way I'd planned it, but I can't imagine being anywhere but right here, right now...

So Plan B stands for Barf, but it also stands for "Better than I could have Imagined."

My Calm has been Damaged.

It's been a ridiculous evening.

I picked up Jack from school just in time to hear him yelling at his teacher.

FABulous.

So I took away his Nintendo Wii privileges and he had a meltdown.

BEAUtiful.

We drove home with the sounds of Goble's Concerto in D Minor (which sounded a lot like weeping and wailing) rattling the windows of the car.

SUPER.

We got home and Hope told me that she couldn't finish her math quiz today because she ran out of time. I told her that she ran out of time because she needs to work on her multiplication facts. She started sobbing about in injustice of it all and stomped off to her room.

PERfect.

I started emptying the dishwasher and cut the end of my thumb on a steak knife.

AWEsome.

I went into the bathroom to get a bandaid and saw Jack sitting as far back on the toilet as he could, trying to pee ON the toilet seat so that he could "make funny pee circles" with his fingers.

LOVEly.

I got Jack and the toilet seat all cleaned up and I walked into the laundry room to put the pee-soaked towels in the washer. I saw that Georgia (our new cat) left her litter box prematurely and had a little cling-on stuck to her butt.

JOYous Rapture.

I removed the stinky from Georgia's butt and flushed it down the toilet. After 5 minutes of washing my hands, I made my way into the kitchen where Hope has just burned a bag of microwave popcorn.

So now my house smells like cat crap and burnt popcorn.

FanTAStic.

I dumped the burnt popcorn into the already overflowing garbage can. I closed up the garbage bag and pulled it out of the can. I carried it into the garage and just before I got there, the bottom of the bag opened up and doused my feet in garbage water.

OUTstanding.

It's been a ridiculous evening.

Sigh....

More than Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dogs' Tails

My son Jack is 4 years old.

He is ALL boy.

He's hilarious, strong-willed, loving, stubborn, wonderful, frustrating... You get the idea.

He's a sweet little kid, but not always super lovey-dovey. Like I said, he's all boy.

Well, his preschool teacher at church pulled me aside several weeks ago and told me that she needed to speak with me about Jack.

No good conversation ever begins with, "I need to tell you about something Jack said..."

So I took a deep breath and braced myself for the worst.

She told me that she was talking with Jack about me and Kurt. She asked him to tell her what his mommy and daddy look like.

I immediately thought, "Oh snap - this is going to be BAD."

Jack said to her, "Well, my dad is tall and he has black hair."

Okay, I thought to myself - that's pretty close to what he looks like. Maybe this won't be so bad.

And then she asked him what I looked like.

I started sweating, willing the conversation to end. After hearing about how violently Jack has complained about my singing and my cooking, I could only imagine what he has to say about my appearance. Especially my Early-Morning-Pre-Coffee appearance.

I smiled at her and closed my eyes, steeling myself against whatever she had to say.

When asked what I looked like, Jack responded with,


"My Momma looks like a pretty dress."

Tears....

Sometimes they surprise you. ♥

Horror Hotel; Part II

RATED: PG-13
(don't say I didn't warn you...)



It's the morning after the Phinneas and Ferb 911 fiasco (see prior entry for details on that).

As I mentioned in my previous post, our kids were in one hotel room - and we were in the adjoining room. The door that connected our two rooms was always open so that we could keep an eye on the kids and so that they could run around.

Our rooms were set up so that the televsision sets from each room backed up to each other.

Our beds were on the far sides of each room; so the beds in the kids' room backed up against the wall of someone else's room.

We got up early that morning because we had a long drive ahead of us and we wanted to get an early start.

We were on our way to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. I looked down at Hope and asked her how she slept.

She said, "Oh, I slept okay - but it took me a while to get to sleep."

"Oh? Well, it's hard to get used to sleeping in a different bed, in a different place."

"I guess" she said. "But that's not why it took me a long time to get to sleep."

Intrigued, I ask "Why did it take you a long time to get to sleep honey? Were you scared? Mom and Dad were right there with you and the door was open the whole time - you could have just come in and gotten me."

"I wasn't scared" she said flatly.

(Now, at this point, I should have changed the subject. I should have left well enough alone. I should have shut my mouth. But do I do that? Nooooo. )

I press on with my inquiry into why she had such trouble falling asleep.

"Well honey, I know you were tired. So if you weren't scared, then why was it so hard for you to fall asleep?"

She came back with, "The people in the next room were kinda loud."

CRAP.

"Oh?" I asked, hoping she didn't notice the dread that has filled my voice.

"Yeah. They kept kicking the wall."

(I was at a loss. I honestly didn't know what to say).

"They were mad at each other too" she said, matter of factly.

Foolishly, I asked, "Why do you think they were mad at each other?"

"Because they kept yelling."

(Of course they did).

"It was weird because they would be kicking the wall and yelling and then they'd start laughing. Then I'd hear them kicking the wall again. It was really irritating."

(Oh dear... What do I say)?

"Hmmm..... Well, maybe they were just moving the furniture in the room or something." I offer up as my lame (and desperate) attempt to end the conversation.

Hope had her own theory. "I think they were playing Wall Ball."

(I grabbed onto that life line and held on for dear life).

"I bet you're right Hope! That's probably exACTly what they were doing!"

We finished breakfast and headed back to our room to check it one more time before we leaving to head home. It was still really early.

I stood in the kids' room, glaring at the wall behind their beds, mentally chewing out the people on the other side of it.

Kurt walked into the room and said, "Okay kids - take your shoes off and jump on the beds for 2 minutes!"

I started to protest, thinking that it was really early and they might wake the neighbors with all their jumping and yelling.

They might wake the neighbors.

Those stinkin' wall ball playin', furniture movin' neighbors.

Turnabout is fair play, right?

With an evil grin, I said, "Make it 5 minutes, kids. And yell as loud as you want."

Horror Hotel

It was our last night of vacation and the kids' first time staying in a hotel.

We got adjoining rooms and left the connecting doors open.

The kids were in heaven. They had their own room, their own TV, they each had their own bed... They thought it was the best thing ever.

Until they turned the TV on.

Kurt and I were unpacking the car when Jack came tearing into our room with a look of desperation on his face.

Out of breath he shouts, "Mommy, call 911!"

I feel all the blood rush to my head and my heart drops. I run into their room imagining one horrific possibility after another.

I'm shaking all over as I take in the scene in front of me.

Hope is sitting quietly on the bed, TV remote in hand, flipping through the channels.

Where's the blood? Where's the carnage? Where's the emergency???

Jack rushes into the room still shouting, "We have to call 911!"

Gritting my teeth, voice shaking, I glare down at him and ask, "Why do we need to call 911?"

He looks up at me, his face full of panic and says, "Because they don't have Phineus and Ferb on this TV!"

Apparently there's a Difference

ME: Jack, don't climb on the furniture.

(30 seconds later...)

ME: Jack, I said don't climb on the furniture.

JACK: Okay Mom.

(30 seconds later...)

ME: JACK!!! Don't climb on the furniture!!

JACK: I'm not! I'm climbing OFF the furniture!

sigh...

No Words...

Please pray for my friends Chuck and Vicki Gillette.

Their first grandchild was born in Australia on June 18th. His name is Evan Riley.

He was born with severe complications and will not survive.

Here is Vicki's status update from her Facebook page this morning.

"With heavy hearts Chuck & I leave SeaTac today 1pm for Australia, arr Sun 4:30p PDT. Nothing docs can do for little Evan. In a coma, can't survive w/o ventilator, severe internal organ failure. Hope he hangs on so we can hold, cuddle, pray, sing, kiss his sweet face, & have some Grandparent time. Pray especially for Kara & Glenn as they release him to Jesus. We are hurting. God is still God."

I can't imagine their pain. Please say a prayer for them and their family.

What?! So Much for Healthy Choices. . .

I love dessert. It's my favorite food group.

Well, given my fondness for dessert and my, uh..... lack of fondness for exercise and moderation, I eat diet desserts to avoid the rip-cord effect on my waist line.

So, yay! Diet Desserts!! Such a great idea!

I've started eating them and have found that I really love them.

A lot.

But, I've discovered a problem with them.

Apparently, they're not really dietetic. I mean, I'm eating them (instead of brownies, bars and banana splits) but I'm not losing any weight.

I even checked the nutrition facts on the label. It said, very clearly, that there's only 140 calories per serving.

And the serving size is 1.

Right.

So I ate one box of ice cream sandwhiches and I gained like two pounds.

Sigh....

You Scratch My Back and I'll Scr. . . and I'll Say Thank You.

The Ultimate Problem Solver

I saw this quote (author unknown), thought it was brilliant and wanted to share it with you.

If you don't like it, then just follow the instructions outlined in the quote.

"Handle every stressful situation like a dog.

If you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away."

Words to live by, my friends.

Words to live by.

Be Careful What You Wish For. . .

After seeing what Daddy was cookin' up for dinner, Hope and Jack decided that I'm not such a terrible cook after all...

A Mother's Prayer. . .

Dear Lord,

Thank you for putting long stems on the Hi-Ho Cherry-Oh cherries.

The stems make it easy to quickly pull the cherry out of a screaming 4 year old's ear.

So, thanks.

Good lookin' out on Your part.

Amen.

Some New Favorite Things

I thought I would hurry up and post a new blog entry so that the ugly one will not be the first one you see when you visit my blog. Ugliness is a part of life - but the more I dwell on it, the longer the wounds shays fresh, and the longer I'm hurt by it. So! We're movin' on to something happier.

Here is a list of some of my new Favorite Things:

1. Words with Friends - it's an iPhone app. It's free. It's Scrabble. It will take over your life. Get it and play me - my user name is heidigirlhb.


2. How to Train Your Dragon - fantastic movie. We took our 4 year old - he was a little scared a few times but overall really dug it.

3. My Keurig coffee maker - this has been lifechanging!!! Coffee just how you want it in 5 seconds. No more waiting for a new pot to brew. I have officially left the Dark Ages.

4. Chuck - Oh man. This is my new television addicition. This show... I can't even tell you how much I LOVE it. Monday nights at 8:00 on NBC. So entertaining. So easy to follow. Soooo good.

5. Castle - Oh Man times two! My other new television addiction. Seriously! Snappy dialog - cool plotlines (The premise is that a murder/mystery/macabre author gets to tag along with a detective on murder investigations to get plots for his upcoming books). Monday nights at 1o:00 on ABC. Check it out - you will NOT be disappointed.

6. Pink's Grammy performance of Glitter in the Air - DISCLAIMER: Not for kids. Let me just say this: if I could have anyone's voice - I would want hers. And apparently, she's an acrobat too. And not just ANY acrobat. She's a singing/swimming acrobat. BUT! This performance is very Circu du Solei-ish and I don't think it's appropriate for kids. I'm just puttin' that out there. But, it's on Youtube - you should check it out. It's AMAZING.

7. Educational vidoes on Youtube. Yeah, yeah, this sounds like zzzzzzz..... material. But! I'm in the process of building a website (something I have NO clue how to do) and you would not believe the educational material that's available for free on Youtube - especially when making a CMS site using Wordpress. Good stuff.

8. Those eyeshadow kits that come with 4 colors and instructions on how to put the eyeshadow on your eyes (because I have no idea what color goes where). I got a good one from L"Oreal that even has little pictures to go along with the instructions - yessss!

9. Burt's Beeswax lip balm. This stuff is awesome - and it's pepperminty. Love it.

10. Trios - building blocks from Fisher Price. These have provide my son with hours of entertainment. He makes monsters, cars, building, you name it. He loves them - which means, I love them. They're fun for adults to play too.

Things Aren't Always What They Seem . . .

It really stinks when you find out that a friend you've known for years and years isn't who they appear to be.

When you find out that they're talking about you behind your back - and then lying to your face to cover it up.

Sometimes people just stink.

Conditions

It's bed time and I'm saying goodnight to the kids.

ME: Hopey, have a good night sleep - I love you soo much!

HOPE: I love you too Momma! Even more today than yesterday.

(sigh of contentment)

(walk into Jack's room)

ME: Jack-Jack, have a good night sleep buddy - I love you soo much!

JACK: Night.

ME: I love you buddy!

(Jack gives me a big smile but no verbal response)

ME: Jack! Don't you want to tell Momma you love her too?

(pause as he stares intently into my face...)

JACK: Do you have any jellybeans?

ME: No honey, I don't have any jellybeans.

JACK: Night mom.

Sigh...

Don't Be Offended...

Okay - dislcaimer time.

If you're easily offended - don't read the rest of this post.

Another thing to keep in mind - I'm currently experiencing a shortage of blog fodder. So, this is the best I could do...

Okay.

You may proceed. (but remember what I said about being easily offended).

So this is the brand of toilet seat covers that we use at work.

Everytime I look at the name I giggle just a little bit.

Take the words apart a little bit and see if you don't have a little giggle too.

Still don't see what I'm referring to?

Rest ur A.....

(giggle)

Hey - lighten up.

The Bathroom. . . is NOT a Telephone Booth.

I'm sorry - but it's just not okay to call me from a toilet.

I love talking to people on the phone (well, maybe not ALL people...)

But not when they're on the toilet.

Seriously.

Can I GET an Amen?!

How is it Possible that I Did Not Know About This?

Seriously?

How long have these been out?

Have you tried them?

Are they as good as I think they're going to be?

I'm at a loss for words in the face of such beauty...

Maybe She's Born with it. . . Maybe it's. . . No, She was Definitely Born with it.

After one too many awkward moments at the Clinique counter (click here for details), I decided to give drug-store foundation a try. (And, awkard moments aside, I'm kind of tired of spending that much money for a tiny little bottle of make-up - no matter how many miracles it has worked on my face).

As I was browsing the aisle full of foundations, I was struck by the unrealistic names they gave each of the different shades.

Classic Ivory, Creamy Natural, Soft Honey, Warm Beige....

Really?

As I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, I couldn't help but think that finding a foundation to match the shade of my skin was going to be next to impossible.

I searched high and low but couldn't find anything that would do. There was nothing even close. No shades called Pale & Pastey, Splotchy or Ruddy. They didn't even have anything like Sickly-Vampire, Grayish, or Motley.

Sigh...

Well, necessity is the mother of invention, right?

So I bought the Classic Ivory, some blusher, a light gray eye shadow and some iodine (I thought the iodine would really make it pop). I figured that if I mix them all together, I could probably get a good match to my skin.

Watch out Smart, Beautiful, CoverGirl. You've got some competition.

HeidiGirl Cosmetics - Unnatural is the new Natural.

The Inspiration of Elephants

I don't normally share these kinds of stories - as they are a bit too sentimental for me - but someone shared it with me and I just felt that it needed to be told. It is truly inspiring.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University...

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.

The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Evidently, it wasn't the same elephant.

___________________

Disney's Weight Loss Strategy

This is a booth at the Innoventions building at Disneyland.

It's one of those things that is both horrific - and riveting. (click on the photo to appreciate it's true horror).

I have made this photo into a poster and mounted it on the outside of my refrigerator - which of course means I'm eating a lot less.

Well, I'm eating a lot less - at home.

I guess even Walt can't think of everything...

Encouragement for a Disgruntled Drama Queen

Two things before you read this post:

1. Uh, NO - I'M actually not the Drama Queen this time.

2. If your name is Nancy or Jane, I apologize in advance.

Alright, you may proceed....

So we went out for dinner and Hope has to use the restroom.

We walk in and see two girls standing by the sinks. One of them is all fancied up (hair and make-up, etc) and the other one is rather plain. Fancy girl is crying hysterically and yanking bobby-pin after bobby-pin out of her now drooping, fancy hair.

Hope steps into her little bathroom stall and I lean against the wall, my eyes glued to the scene unfolding in front of me. The girls seem completely oblivious to my presence.

Plain Jane is trying to console Fancy Nancy - but Fancy Nancy is having none of it and continues to yank bobby-pins out of her hair.

Plain Jane tries to rub Fancy Nancy's shoulders and tell her that "the judges were total idiots - they were just, like, blind ya know?"

Fancy Nancy slaps Plain Jane's hands away and screams " OMG, you're not helping!"

(For the record, she actually said the letters O.M.G.)

Plain Jane doesn't seem to mind this somewhat violent rejection and continues in her quest to soothe Fancy Nancy's wounded spirit. She says,

"You are beautiful and you have so much going for you. The judges were just uncapable to see the sheer majesty of your personification and, like, stature. They totally don't know how, like, smart you are or how, like, intelligent you are and, like, staturesque you are."

(Wait.... what?)

Fancy Nancy looks down into Plain Jane's face and says, "They didn't, did they.... OH YEAH. And neither do I because I don't even know what you are SAYING! SHUT UP - YOU'RE NOT HELPING!"

(Ooooh, this is getting good - I begin hoping that Hope has to do some serious business in the bathroom so that I can stay a little longer and watch the show. Plain Jane's ability to speak without saying anything is fascinating - as is her resiliance to Fancy Nancy's abuse.)

Plain Jane does not seem to notice Fancy Nancy's contempt for her and prattles on mindlessly. She clears her throat, takes a deep breath, tilts her head back slightly, and with her eyes closed and eyebrows raised, she declares,

"You have the ability to move people. Really (she pauses and inhales deeply through her nose) ... move them, ya know? And those judges? They're just on, like, another plane of reality. The kind of plane that, like.... just doesn't....... move. They don't understand your power of effervescence (said in a whisper-shout while waving her hands in front of her as if she was drawing a circle). It doesn't move their plane so it's their mistake. It's a mistake that will, like, manifest all kinds of, like, trauma and moral fortitude. You just... didn't move their plane."

(Dude.... this girl is awesome.)

Fancy Nancy spins around so she is facing Plain Jane - her blue eyes blazing, and her mouth twisted into a vicious sneer.

(Yessss - they're gonna fight!)

She leans into Plain Jane's face and says, "Really? Is that why I lost? Because I can't move planes? But I'm so pretty! Planes shouldn't have anything to do with it! No one told me about planes! What are you even SAYING? I'm not a (expletive) pilot - I don't know anything about moving planes!"

Fancy Nancy starts shaking all over and continues shrieking incoherently about the injustice of the judges and the fact that she's pretty and shouldn't have to know how to move planes.

(Crap, she's having a seizure, maybe I should call 911...)

In an attempt to jar Fancy Nancy out of her rapidly accelerating downward spiral of emotional pain and misery, Plain Jane suddenly embraces Fancy Nancy and says, "There, there... you're just upset. You don't know what you're saying. You need to take some time to admonish your thoughts. You need to find your place in the circle of life - find your movement. Only then will any of this make sense."

(Is that the secret? I need to admonish my thoughts and find my movement?)

Fancy Nancy shakes Plain Jane off and says, "But I'm so pretty...." and storms out of the bathroom leaving me alone with Plain Jane.

Neither one of us moved.

The silence was deafening.

At this point Plain Jane finally notices that she's had an audience during her little counseling session.

She looks at me with a smirk, rolls her eyes as she walks out the door and says, "Beauty Queens are so stupid."

My Name is Heidi Goble and I.... am a Nerd.

Okay, I admit it.

I... am a total nerd.

And I'm totally okay with it. In fact - I embrace it.

Here are a few facts that support my claim:

I own every season of Star Trek: The Next Generation on DVD. I know them all by heart (I even know the title of each episode)

I LOVE anything science fiction or fantasy (Lord of the Rings, Vampires, Star Trek - it's all awesome).

My favorite birthday gift of all time (aside from sentimental family gifts, of course) is a complete set of blueprints to the The Starship Enterprise NCC-1701-D (Baker Family - I will forever love you for that).

I love to talk about inconsistencies in movies such as X-Men, Wolverine, The Matrix, etc.

My iPhone has both a Tricord app as well as a phaser app and I play with these apps on a regular basis.

I incorporate jargon from Star Trek The Next Generation into my everyday conversations. For example, I will use sci-fi speak to describe every day things. (an example might be - instead of saying "there's a crack in my windshield," I will say - "hull integrity is down to 72%" - or I will refer to a flashlight as a palm beacon - or... instead of "going poo" I will say "jettison the core").

Hmmm....

Perhaps I've said too much....

So go ahead.

Roll your eyes at me.

Shout out NerdAlert when I walk in the room.

I can take it.

But be careful...

Resistance is Futile.