Borax Sparklies

I love sparkly things.

I love inexpensive things.

I love making things (as long as they're easy).

I REALLY love making sparkly things that are inexpensive (and easy).

So I give you (drumroll please):   The Borax Sparklies!

This will come as a shock - but this idea came from Pinterest.  The kids and I made these at Christmas too - but I especially love the Valentine sparklies.

And they're actually easy!  All you do is make some pipe cleaner shapes and let them soak overnight in a water/Borax solution.

Here's how:

Take pipe cleaners and make them into the shapes you want.  

Since they have to hang suspended in water overnight, I attached them to a pencil (a popsicle stick would work fine too).  I used fishing line and scotch tape to attach them.

Also - I put them in empty jars first to make sure that the shape will fit in the jar without touching the sides or the bottom.

Once you're ready to submerge the pipecleaners, fill a mason jar with hot (super hot) water and add a half to a three-quarters  cup of Borax to it.  Important: If you use something bigger than a mason jar (I used some empty hurricane lamps) use more Borax.  The sparklies come from the Borax so you want to make sure that you're solution isn't too watered down.

ASIDE:  Apparently Borax is like this crazy good household cleaner.  I wouldn't know about such things since I'm not the best housekeeper...)  

Anyway!  Stir up the Borax really good and then submerge your pipecleaner shape into the water.  Be sure not to let it touch the sides or the bottom or it will get stuck.  

Let them sit, fully submerged and undisturbed overnight.

The next day, carefully remove them from the water and voila!!  A SPARKLY!!!  (can't you just hear them sparkling - sheen! sparkle, sparkle!!)

They look beautiful hanging from a chandelier or in a window.  When the sun hits them, they really sparkle!

They also make cute little gift wrap accessories.

Here's the site where I first saw the idea.

Couple things that I've found with these....  Sometimes they come out without any crystals on them.  I think that happens when you don't use enough Borax - or when you disturb them while they're soaking.  Be sure to use lots of Borax, and once you submerge them, don't touch them until the next day when it's time to take them out.

Also, after a few months, the crystals will turn all white and powdery.  I just toss them at that point and make new ones.

Sparkle on, friends!

Crap-Tastic Crap Baskets!

So I got another idea off Pinterest.  This one is brilliant I tell you, BRILLIANT!  Now, typically, whenever I attempt to mimic a craft or a recipe I've seen online, the outcome is.... shall we say..... less than what is seen on the internet.

You'll notice that I just said "less."  I didn't say how or, in what way it was less.  The reason is because it's just less.  It's just freakin' LESS.  In EVERY way.  Less attractive, less tasty, less cost effective and certainly less easy.  (click here to see a sad and dark example of my experience with "Less").

My projects simply never turn out the way they look online.

Until this one.

This one, I dare say, turned out just as good and I'm super thrilled!

First let me give credit where credit is due.  I found a wonderful blog, filled with all sorts of fun ideas - and I took the Crap Basket idea from her.  If you get a chance, check out her blog - it's wonderful.

Okay, so on to the project.  First, the backstory.

We live in a smallish house - certainly big enough for us to be comfortable - while at the same time -certainly small enough for us to get buried alive in our clutter.  I can't count the number of hours I've spent hauling various pieces of clutter to their proper places.

But all of that is about to change.

Allow me to introduce, the Crap Basket.

Every member of the family has one.  Throughout the day as I (or anyone else) comes across someone else's crap, they pick it up and put it in the respective Crap Basket.  Sadly, I've had to change the name of these to Junk Baskets.  I don't have any issue with the word, Crap - but I don't want my 5 year old son to get a color change at school for saying Crap.  (Even though I've given up any hope at being named Mother of the Year, I still have to put forth the illusion that I'm an ongoing contender for the title).

Hope and I made them together and they were really easy (and even pretty cheap). I got the baskets for 75% at Michaels.

And then I bought little oval shaped woodies for .89 each and the pack of stencils was $3.  And then of course I had to add the daisy clips for .99 each.  The daisies are my attempt to make them look a little more feminine (the baskets felt a little masculine to me, what with the name crap and being brown and all)...

Hope painted the woodies and I did the stenciled letters.  Then I just hot glued them to the baskets along with the flowers and voila! Craptastic Crap Baskets!

We had a family meeting and told the kids that they have to empty their basket each night before bed and bring it back to the living room.  Of course, where they put the crap in their room is a different story (hey, we have to crawl before we can walk...).  

The kids are actually excited about picking up their crap!  Of course I realize that the novelty will soon wear off, but hey.  I'm going to bask in this moment as long as I can.

Bisquik Birthday!

This week we celebrated Hope's 10th birthday - double digits!!

Breakfast is her favorite meal of the day, so we wanted to do a special birthday breakfast for her.

Pancakes are her favorite breakfast food - so we wanted to incorporate that into her special breakfast.

Pancakes.... Breakfast.... Birthday.... boom!

My husband had an epiphany.

How about a Pancake Cake? Brilliant!

I added - how about a 10 layer pancake cake since she's 10 years old? Also brilliant!

We made the the pancakes the night before and then re-heated them that morning.

Hope was thrilled and I think a new tradition has been born.

Behold.... the 10-Pancake Pancake-Cake:

 

Behold the Biskquik Brilliance...

All 10 layers of yumminess....

A little cut-away view...

 It was glorious (and deeee-licious)!  AND!  It was cheap and easy (two of my favorite adjectives).  Yay for Biskquik birthdays!!

Blink...

Jack had his last day of Preschool VBS today.

His last big event as a preschooler.  I started thinking about the fact that he's going to start elementary school and how different it's going to be...

No more naptime.

No more snack.

No more Mother's Day Tea parties.

It feels a little strange.  It actually brought on a little panic....

See, people always tell you that it goes by really fast.

And I realized today....

It really does go by fast.

And once it's gone, you can't get it back.

Today marks the end of preschool. Tomorrow will be the end of college.

You blink and it's over....

Time is precious...

Ivory Soap. Who Knew, Right?!

So I saw this done on a blog that I love, love LOVE called Housing a Forest, and thought it looked like fun.  We highly recommend it.  All you need is a bar of Ivory Soap and a microwave. 

Watch our video. 

It's cool.

Here's a still shot of the soap cloud.  (be careful when you first take it out because it's a little hot).

You can use the soap cloud to make "soap paint" for the kids' baths.  Here's the link to the recipe for the soap paint.  I tried it and Jack loved it!

Good.Clean.Fun. (and it only cost 97 cents!)

DIY Summer Scientists... Fun (No, really. It was FUN!!)

Okay, so I saw this on Pinterest - another DIY. But hey! This time it really WAS simple, cheap, fast and fun. I was so excited!

Most people probably already know this little kid-pleaser, but it's new to me so I'll share it.

What you need:

1. White Vinegar
2. Dishwashing soap (I used lemon Joy)
3. Food Coloring
4. Baking Soda
5. A Clear glass (or clear plastic)
6. A tray to catch all the run off

The directions I read said to pour the vinegar first (fill the glass to the half-way point). Add a few drops of dishwashing soap and some food coloring; then stir it all together.

Drop a heaping spoonful of baking soda in the glass. Stand back and watch the smiles on the kids faces.

It worked.... But we found a variation that yielded a more dramatic effect.

1. Squeeze a few drops of dishwashing soap in the empty glass.
2. Drop in a heaping spoonful of baking soda (we used a LOT).
3. Add some food coloring (we used a LOT to make the color more vibrant).
4 Pour in some vinegar and watch it go!

Either way, it's fun, fast and pretty cheap. We actually had everything in the house already so it didn't cost us anything. My kids are 9 and 5 and they both really enjoyed it. Here's some pics...

Here they are. They're thinking that I'm about to set them up for another miserable craft experience (see prior blog entry for details on that). Note the trays - you're going to want something like that to catch the runoff (otherwise you'll have a huge mess)

The first time around we followed the original instructions (adding the baking soda to the vinegar). The reaction was okay - but it was much better when we did it the second time (adding the vinegar to the baking soda)

Jack is beginning to get into it here (I love his little face)...

Hope takes her turn next...

Now we start adding the vinegar to a big pile of baking soda (the reactions from both the glass and the kids got bigger and better)

Must.Add.More.Vinegar.

Boom!

Sigh.... So much fun.

Free. Fast. Fun.

Oh, and a little added bonus.... The combination of the baking soda and vinegar totally made the glasses sparkle. Seriously - I have the worst water/mineral stains on my glassware (ga-ross). This little experiment totally removed the stains. Again, most people probably already know about this little benefit, but I was completely clueless.

Try it. You'll like it!

2010 in Review - as told by our Facebook Status Updates

Okay, so this is the Goble version of the “Annual Christmas Letter.”
These are the highlights of 2010, as told by our Facebook Status Updates.

(Please don’t judge…)

JANUARY
Coffee of the day is: Jet Fuel (by Coffee People). It’s delightful. And extremely... caffeinated. Seriously. I’m really... Awake. This is good because Jack woke me up at 5:45 this morning and said, “Momma, I’m getting older and my voice is changing so I need to be awake and playing toys, not asleep in my smooshy bed.” ((sigh)) Don’t ask. I have NO idea where he gets this stuff.

Having dinner without one of the kids gagging/barfing at the table would be fantastic. It’s the simple things…

To the lady I caught with her face and hands pressed against my living room window looking into my house this morning: please don’t tap on the glass. I find the noise unsettling. Oh, and just because a house is for sale doesn’t mean that you can stalk its residents. Oh, and wash your face. You left a big grease stain on my window.

FEBRUARY
My coffee is ready, the couch is available and facebook is on the computer. All ready to commence with a little “me” time when Jack walks up to me and says, “Momma, will you please hold me?” My coffee is now cold and untouched, the computer went into hibernation mode and the cat has taken over my space on the couch. But who cares?! I got 20 minutes of snuggles from my little man. Life is so, so good…

HOPE: What happens if somebody gets too many speeding tickets?
KURT: They could get their license taken away.
HOPE: How would they get home?
KURT: Well, the officer wouldn’t take it away right then and there. They would have to go to court at some point and then the judge would take their license away.
HOPE: Okay, well, how would they get home from court?

MARCH
Hope is making purple pancakes, Kurt is cleaning purple food coloring off the counter, Jack is running around screaming “Purrrrrrrrple!” and I am leaving these Flying Purple Pancake Eaters to go play some serious Bunco in my pajamas (sadly, they are not purple).

Let’s be honest… sometimes kids just smell kinda bad.

Jack’s take on why we celebrate Easter: “Momma, on Easter we cheer for Jesus because He came away from the deadness. ((pause)) And coming away from the deadness is a BIG deal.”

Kurt is gonna wear shorts to church. Pink ones. He loves California.

APRIL
Great day spent with Kurt, the kids and my awesome First Christian Church family. Best.Easter.Ever.

Jack told me that he would snuggle with me on the couch if we could watch SpongeBob. We are now watching a SpongeBob marathon.

Personal space people, PERSONAL SPACE!

Heidi feels stupid because she took her son to his friend’s birthday party… a day early.

MAY
How is it possible that Jack is turning 4 tomorrow?

Gourmet veggie pizza, puppet-show theater put on by the kids, crazy bedtime stories and lots of laughs with Hope. Tonight’s been a good, good night.

Hope and Jack watched me open my Mother’s Day gift. As I was holding the gift in my lap, Jack asked (with his eyes glued to the gift I had just opened), “Ummm, Momma? When is Brother’s Day?”

Why is it that the only time I run into people I know at the grocery store is when I’m wearing pajamas and no make-up? Stupid poetic justice...

Feeling so blessed. So thankful…

JUNE
Morning just isn’t morning without a little clothes drama.

Jack just told Heidi that she’s big and handsome. She finds this troubling…

Dear God: Please help this kid realize that if he stops trying to force his way and starts concerning himself with pleasing me, his life will be so much happier.
Dear Kurt: Ditto.

Kurt, Hope and Jack make everything better.

JULY
Earthquake – 5.9!

So I was just told that the World Cup is NOT a competition referring to the World’s Best Cup of Coffee. I won’t lie; I’m pretty shook up about this.

Toy Story 3. Perfection.

Jack shoved one of his little green army men into the vent/grille under our refrigerator and it got stuck. Still reeling from watching Toy Story 3, Kurt and I were ready to take the entire refrigerator apart to free that little green army man. Tears were nearly shed. Army Man is now running free with his band of brothers. No toy left behind, people. No toy left behind. Victory is ours…

AUGUST
Hope leaves for her first trip to camp tomorrow – how is that possible? A whole week away – she’s so excited! ((sniff, sniff))

16 years ago I married the absolute best man in the entire world. Happy Anniversary Kurt – I love you!

HOPE: Dad, when we get home from camp we won’t have much time to do laundry before we have to leave for vacation and all my clothes are going to smell like squirrel poop.

Heidi told Jack he could choose what they have for dinner. So they had jelly tacos.

SEPTEMBER
Heidi thought of her Mom a lot today. Said good-bye 8 years ago… Very thankful for the time they got to share…

One day we’ll have Heaven. Joy will prevail and everything that is wrong with this world will be made right. But for now we have Del Taco.

Went to a barbeque last night. While our friend Bob prayed for dinner, I hear Jack shout out “Why is everyone sleeping?!”

Heidi is baking the Minnesota way. Baking cookies in a 9x13 pan and calling them bars.

OCTOBER
KURT: Jack, will you hurry up and go?
JACK: I gotta go poop.
KURT: Well then go poop. But hurry up, it’s bedtime!
JACK: Well I need a magazine!

New tradition in the Goble household: Every Wednesday is Speak-with-a-British-Accent-Day. It’s fun, family friendly and it’s free! So Bligh Me! Pip-pip, Cheerio, God save the Queen and all that sort of thing…

Happy Birthday to my beautiful girl – she is 9 years old today!

Heidi is still sick and has no voice at all. She’s totally unable to talk. No words whatsoever. In other news, Kurt is walking around in the greatest mood ever. Could the two be connected? This cynic thinks so…

NOVEMBER
Heidi overheard Hope singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun at the top of her lungs while taking a bath. Her cup runneth over…

Kurt is thankful that his heart, lungs and liver are not in a bag that has been inserted in his rear end. (this is a reference to the Thanksgiving turkey – given how bizarre this status update is, I thought it warranted some contextualizing…)

Heidi is sitting on a bench in the shade at Disneyland, drinking coffee and people-watching while Kurt takes the kids on the Matterhorn. So nice…

We were at Disneyland yesterday and Jack heard the announcer say to “let your imagination soar!” Flash forward to this morning. He walks up to me with a big frown. I ask him what’s wrong and he says, “My imagination is sore.”

DECEMBER
After much research, I have come to the conclusion that caffeine truly is the nectar of Heaven. On a less exciting note, I have also found iron clad evidence that eating too many jelly bellies will in fact produce a jelly belly.

If crappy cooking were a super power, Heidi would rule the world.

Kids. Kurt. Christmas music. Christmas decorating. Cozy fire. Completely perfect.

Can’t wait to see what 2011 brings!
Hope you have a wonderful holiday season…
Merry Christmas!

Horror Hotel; Part II

RATED: PG-13
(don't say I didn't warn you...)



It's the morning after the Phinneas and Ferb 911 fiasco (see prior entry for details on that).

As I mentioned in my previous post, our kids were in one hotel room - and we were in the adjoining room. The door that connected our two rooms was always open so that we could keep an eye on the kids and so that they could run around.

Our rooms were set up so that the televsision sets from each room backed up to each other.

Our beds were on the far sides of each room; so the beds in the kids' room backed up against the wall of someone else's room.

We got up early that morning because we had a long drive ahead of us and we wanted to get an early start.

We were on our way to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. I looked down at Hope and asked her how she slept.

She said, "Oh, I slept okay - but it took me a while to get to sleep."

"Oh? Well, it's hard to get used to sleeping in a different bed, in a different place."

"I guess" she said. "But that's not why it took me a long time to get to sleep."

Intrigued, I ask "Why did it take you a long time to get to sleep honey? Were you scared? Mom and Dad were right there with you and the door was open the whole time - you could have just come in and gotten me."

"I wasn't scared" she said flatly.

(Now, at this point, I should have changed the subject. I should have left well enough alone. I should have shut my mouth. But do I do that? Nooooo. )

I press on with my inquiry into why she had such trouble falling asleep.

"Well honey, I know you were tired. So if you weren't scared, then why was it so hard for you to fall asleep?"

She came back with, "The people in the next room were kinda loud."

CRAP.

"Oh?" I asked, hoping she didn't notice the dread that has filled my voice.

"Yeah. They kept kicking the wall."

(I was at a loss. I honestly didn't know what to say).

"They were mad at each other too" she said, matter of factly.

Foolishly, I asked, "Why do you think they were mad at each other?"

"Because they kept yelling."

(Of course they did).

"It was weird because they would be kicking the wall and yelling and then they'd start laughing. Then I'd hear them kicking the wall again. It was really irritating."

(Oh dear... What do I say)?

"Hmmm..... Well, maybe they were just moving the furniture in the room or something." I offer up as my lame (and desperate) attempt to end the conversation.

Hope had her own theory. "I think they were playing Wall Ball."

(I grabbed onto that life line and held on for dear life).

"I bet you're right Hope! That's probably exACTly what they were doing!"

We finished breakfast and headed back to our room to check it one more time before we leaving to head home. It was still really early.

I stood in the kids' room, glaring at the wall behind their beds, mentally chewing out the people on the other side of it.

Kurt walked into the room and said, "Okay kids - take your shoes off and jump on the beds for 2 minutes!"

I started to protest, thinking that it was really early and they might wake the neighbors with all their jumping and yelling.

They might wake the neighbors.

Those stinkin' wall ball playin', furniture movin' neighbors.

Turnabout is fair play, right?

With an evil grin, I said, "Make it 5 minutes, kids. And yell as loud as you want."

Horror Hotel

It was our last night of vacation and the kids' first time staying in a hotel.

We got adjoining rooms and left the connecting doors open.

The kids were in heaven. They had their own room, their own TV, they each had their own bed... They thought it was the best thing ever.

Until they turned the TV on.

Kurt and I were unpacking the car when Jack came tearing into our room with a look of desperation on his face.

Out of breath he shouts, "Mommy, call 911!"

I feel all the blood rush to my head and my heart drops. I run into their room imagining one horrific possibility after another.

I'm shaking all over as I take in the scene in front of me.

Hope is sitting quietly on the bed, TV remote in hand, flipping through the channels.

Where's the blood? Where's the carnage? Where's the emergency???

Jack rushes into the room still shouting, "We have to call 911!"

Gritting my teeth, voice shaking, I glare down at him and ask, "Why do we need to call 911?"

He looks up at me, his face full of panic and says, "Because they don't have Phineus and Ferb on this TV!"

Apparently there's a Difference

ME: Jack, don't climb on the furniture.

(30 seconds later...)

ME: Jack, I said don't climb on the furniture.

JACK: Okay Mom.

(30 seconds later...)

ME: JACK!!! Don't climb on the furniture!!

JACK: I'm not! I'm climbing OFF the furniture!

sigh...

You Scratch My Back and I'll Scr. . . and I'll Say Thank You.

2009 in Review - as told by my Facebook Status Updates...

Okay, here it is people...

This is the closest thing you'll get to an annual Christmas Letter from the Goble Family.

These are the highlights of 2009 - as they appeared in my Facebook Status Updates.

Perhaps reading this will give you a glimpse into the crazy world that is my life.

January

Heidi is troubled. Jack (age 2) just told her he's going Mountain Climbing in Hope's room after he builds a big campfire under her bed. Should I be worried?

Heidi is not crazy.

Heidi just heard her son speak the 8 most dreaded words in the english language: "Mom! I dropped my poop in the tub!" Gotta go clean it up. Crap. (No pun intended).

Heidi rocked her sweet little Jack-Jack to sleep tonight. A rare treat, now that he's 2 years old; one that I will hold onto forever.

February

Heidi is torn. Happy cuz Jack sings in perfect pitch. Sad b'cuz he sang the song "I Wanna be like Other Girls!" (from Mulan 2) at full voice in the middle of Target.

Heidi has a sweet little girl. She's reading stories 2 her baby brother while he sits patiently on the Big Boy Potty waiting for the potty to "hurry up and get here."

The Tooth Fairy was up cleaning the house till 1 AM and forgot to leave Hope money for her tooth. I'm out of the running for Mom of the Year. Again. Sigh...

March

Heidi can't believe she was overlooked for Celebrity Apprentice.

Heidi helped a stray dog find his mama & the dog put his tongue in her mouth. Awesome. Then she walked in the door & was greeted by a big pile of cat barf. Fantastic.

Roses are red violets are blue. I’m really sad cuz Jack “dropped his pooh."Tulips are pink; daisies are navy. Oh Heaven help me–the pooh looks like gravy.

Heidi found the remote. Jack wanted to "give it a bath" Was able to pull it from the jaws of Mr. Bubbles just in the nick of time. Alert downgraded from red to orange

Heidi started filling the tub for Hope's bath. The phone rang. I started chatting. And I kept chatting. And I forgot that the water was still running. I remembered it 20 minutes later. This is the cleanest my bathroom floor has EVER been. Sigh...

April

Heidi was unable to find Jack's missing shoe. We are now in talks with the directors of the movie The Man with One Red Shoe - Jack will be starring in the sequel - The Boy with One Green Shoe. His stage name will be ShoeLess Jack Goble.

Heidi doesn't like anyone or anything before 6:00 am.

Hope and I just spent 10 minutes browsing the Staples catalog and talking about how much we both love office supplies. Sigh... My cup runneth over.

Um, yeah... My 7 year old daughter gave me this weird look. I asked her what she was staring at and she said, "Give me two minutes and I can fix your hair so that it will stop looking wrong."

May

Don't shush me.

Heidi has a renegade chin hair. Stupid aging process.

Hope has discovered Full House. I covet your prayers.

Heidi drinks Pop. Not Soda.

When life hands you lemons.... throw them at people you don't like.

June

Heidi is in love with her husband.

My 3 year old little man Jack has somehow managed to stop both toilets. I have to drive around the corner to Taco Bell to use the restroom. Perfect.

Heidi is sitting in a living room strewn with toys - seriously, toys EVERYwhere... and her kids are playing with an empty laundry basket. There's a lesson here.... I'm sure of it.

July

There's something profoundly beautiful about lunch from Del Taco.

Heidi is experiencing the anonymity that only Starbucks can bring...

Jack has been standing in front of the bathroom mirror combing his hair for 20 minutes. He's 3.... Apparently his hair is kind of a big deal.

My 7 year old daughter just called me by my first name. This development troubles me.

You know you're out of shape when you start running and realize that you need a sports bra for you butt. Sigh...

August

Heidi is now officially a fan of the x-games. I heart Travis Pastrana...

Jack rubbed his nose on my shoulder and left behind a gigantic "treasure." I look at him and begin to voice my irritation. "Jack - you left a booger on my shoulder!" He looks at me and says, "but Mom - it's the booger of justice!" I'm wearing it proudly, people. I'm wearing it proudly.

Heidi changed the sheets on Hope's bed yesterday. When she got in bed last night, she laid down - and then sat straight up and demanded, "WHY do my sheets smell weird?" (Bigh sigh....) Because they're clean, Hope... because they're clean. Apparently I need to do laundry more often.

Heidi was attacked by an insanely freakish and ultra aggressive spider. It was a bitter fight - the spider was maimed, then killed. I emerged from the battle unscathed (except for the fact that I almost peed my pants because I'm terrified of spiders). Victory is mine.

Jack brought home a "pet" beetle. Its name is Niles. Oh, the freakin' humanity....

Heidi loved waking up in a house that was nice and cool, and filled with the aroma of coffee brewing. So peaceful.... until Jack started chasing Hope through the house with his Bob the Builder Power Sander (complete with obnoxious noises) screaming "Hope stand still, I wanna fix you!"

Mom, are we there yet? No. Mom, are we there yet? No. Mom are we there yet? No. Mom, are we there yet? No. Mom, are we there yet? Sigh...

Team Hope&Jack running successful offensive plays against Team Mom. Team Mom about ready to forfeit when Team Hope&Jack go for a Jack-to-smack-Hope-then-scream-for-mom double play. Out of control Team Mom storms the field as Referee Dad calls a Technical Foul on Team Hope&Jack. Team Mom puts Team Hope&Jack to be early. Final Score: Team Mom: 1. Team Hope&Jack:ZERO. Winner takes all baby, winner takes all...

I stood there - overcome with emotion. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating and I was fighting back tears of pure joy. It was an incredible moment. And there it was. Standing before me like a beacon of light - full of hope and promise for the future. I knew in my heart that the search was over. I had found the answer... I was in..... The School Supplies Section of Target.

I hit the back of my head and it's a little tender. Hope saw me rubbing my head and wincing. She asked me if the eyes on the back of my head were bothering me. I told her they both had pink eye and they hurt so that's why I was rubbing my head. Is that bad?

I’ve always been able to stand my ground. Until now. I have become weak. I have become a conformist. I have become.... A Twilight reader.

September

Heidi just danced in the rain.

I didn't know that pedicures involved power tools. the sweet liitle lady asked if I wanted "kalla remoova" to which I said yes. And then this sweet little lady looked my feet, shuddered and reached for her portable power sander. The sweet little lady is now red faced, scowling, sweating and speaking Cantonese to her friends in a somewhat aggressive tone. They are laughing. She is not. Im not either. Sigh...

Okay - let me start with: Don't judge me. This morning I stubbed my toe big time. It hurt so bad. As I was yelping like a wounded puppy, hopping around on my good foot, holding my shattered toe in one hand and covering my mouth with the other hand, Jack (who was watching the whole thing with big ol' eyes) asks, "Momma aren't you gonna say a bad word now?" Remember: Don't judge me.

Public apology to the woman whose car I tried to steal today. Our cars looked the same; but yours was a lot cleaner, hence the appeal of your car over mine. It's not like I was going to take it w/o saying anything. I’d have left a note with directions to my car so that you'd have a new car too. I thought that running at me while screaming "stop trying to steal my car" was a bit harsh but hey. No hard feelings, right?

We're at Target - Jack's in the back of the cart. He saw a woman blocking the aisle and yelled "Move it or lose it, Bozo!" Horrified, I scolded him & asked him where he learned to talk like that (BIG mistake on my part). Imagine my chagrin when he replied, "You said it in the car on the way here." The bozo-lady cut me me a dirty look and walked away muttering about "parents these days." Sigh...

October

Heidi got to spend some much needed time with her family today. ADDED BONUSES:Scary Carnies, Cheese Fries and hearing her son pray for the "mean little girl" who pushed him down at the carnival; his words were, "Momma, I don't know how to pray for her. I just want her to be nice. But I'm not sure Jesus can do that cuz she was really mean. What if she pushes Jesus down too?"

B4 we leave for the restaurant I ask "Hope, do you need to go to the bathroom?" No. We get to the restaurant, waiting for a table "Hope do you have to go the bathroom?" No. Right after we order, "Hope do you have to go to the bathroom?" No. Food arrives. It's nice and hot. The fork full of yummy, cheesey, potato-ey goodnees barely touches my starving lips.... "Mom. I have to go the bathroom." Sigh...

I'm in the middle of scolding Jack. "Jack, that was not very nice - you don't throw a fit to get what you want! You have to liste..." he interrupts my tyrade with "Momma, you're so pretty. I love you." That was the end of the conversation. And I took him out for ice cream. Is that bad?

We all have our own brand of crazy.

November

I'm reading Jack a bedtime story. We're all curled up in his rocking chair. It was so sweet... While I'm reading, he keeps sniffing the air. At the end of the story I lean into his face, kiss him on the nose and tell him that I love him. He sniffs the air, looks deep into my eyes and says, "Momma, when you talk, I smell feet." Goodnight Jack.

The rule is simple: When I'M singing and playing air-drums while driving my car, I look cool and unbelievably talented. When anyone ELSE sings and plays air-drums while driving their car, they look stupid.

Heidi woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and could do nothing more than thank the Lord for the miracle that is make-up.

Heidi caught Jack picking his nose and stuffing the boogers in his ear. My feelings are mixed. On one hand, I'm grossed out. On the other hand I'm hopeful that the reason he never does what I tell him is because he can't hear through the wall of snot in his ears.

December

Jack told me that he's going to marry me. And Evie. And Lexi. And Tamila. Apparently, he's big on having options.

People waiting for the fireworks at Disneyland have no regard for my personal space protocols. I had to initiate personal space plan delta-delta-tango: I asked Kurt if he'd gotten any ointment for his rash (really loud) and stood back and watched the people step away from us. Hopefully I won't have to execute beta-beta-Charlie. We may end up on the news....

I'm not obsessive. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

The magic is gone... Hope is running around in circles making strange gurgling, gutteral noises, Jack is screaming that he wants more sugar cookies, Kurt is standing in the middle of the kitchen with a blank stare on his face, the cat is hissing at the tree and I'm hitting the egg nog early. Yep. It must be Christmas Eve.

Today was a day spent with my FCC family - singing, laughing and celebrating Christmas. It was an incredibly uplifting time. I am blessed - I am thankful. Merry Christmas everyone!

~Can't wait to see what 2010 brings!~

Christmas Confession: Part III

I'd just woken up. It was early, cold and dark.

I staggered to the bathroom and stared blankly into the mirror.

Despite my crusty, sleep filled eyes, I saw it immediately.

Sticking straight up from the top of my head - all thick, curly and wiry.

My first gray hair.

Oh.The.Freakin'. Horror.

Sadly I didn't have time to have a proper meltdown - I had to get to church. (Although I will admit that I didn't feel like being social and praisin' Jesus at that particular time. Hey, I'm just being honest. I think God can handle it).

So I yank the offensive hair out of my head, say a few choice words and throw the dreadful thing in the trash.

Flash forward to Sunday night.

The kids were in bed.

Kurt was asleep on the couch.

I was finally alone.

The time for my meltdown had come.

There was only one drug that could soothe the depth of my despair:

Chocolate.

I needed it and I needed it right then and there.

Preferably in large quantities.

I scoured the house and couldn't find any.

I looked high and low. There was simply none to be found.

My mind was reeling - my desperation increasing with every passing second.

And then I saw it - sitting there on the piano, beckoning me. As soon as I laid eyes on it, I could hear the angels singing. It even had a special glow around it emanating from the Heavens as if the Lord was saying, "This is for you, my precious child."

It was...

The kids' Advent Calendar.

An Advent Calendar that was fully stocked with chocolates specifically selected to celebrate the birth of our Lord - which means they HAD to be stinkin' tasty. To taste bad would be a sin!

Yes - these chocolates had a Divine Purpose.

But tonight, they were going to serve a different divine purpose.

Evil Heidi and Heaven Bound Heidi immediately started duking it out.

Evil Heidi hissed in my ear "Heck yesssss those chocolatessssss are for you! You can give your kids Ssssssssmarties or something. These chocolates shouldn't be wasssssssted on children who can't possssssssssibly appreciate their beauty like you can."

Heaven Bound Heidi told me (in a voice that sounded like Mickey Mouse) "Think of the children!!! You can't eat Baby Jesus Chocolate that was created to teach children about God! He will smote you from above, for sure!"

But alas.... desperate times call for desperate measures.

The Evil of my first gray hair had to be rectified. And what better way to right the wrong than to treat it with the most holy of foods: Baby Jesus Chocolate!

I decided to take my chances - hoping that God would choose to spare me.

I ate every single piece of that Baby Jesus Chocolate.

And can I just say, that nothing soothes the soul of a troubled, gray haired old woman like Baby Jesus Chocolate stolen from a child's Advent Calendar.

Heck Yesssss.

Oh sure, there was guilt.

But there was also peace (after all, it was Baby Jesus Chocolate).

I've never felt so bad - and so holy at the same time.

Christmas Confession; Part II

This actually happened last Christmas, but I'm just now at a place where I can admit it.

I'm big on taking pictures of the kids and then sharing them with the world. I like to capture as much happy stuff on film as I can - and then refer back to it when Hope is screaming that Jack is looking at her funny and Jack is trying to pee his name on the bathroom floor.

You know.... a sanity saver. Proof that pleasant times have occurred.

So last Christmas, I'm home alone with the kids for the evening. I wanted to do something fun, something holidayish.

I wanted to make some memories.

Good memories.

The kind you take pictures of so that you can prove to the world (and to yourself) that you have a happy, fun-loving, holiday-filled family life.

So I decided to make Christmas cocoa (complete with whipped cream, peppermint syrup and sprinkles) and then brought out a little wooden Christmas Tree that we could decorate with these fancy, handmade little wooden ornaments (a family tradition passed down from my Grandma).

I get everything set: cocoa, tree, holiday music, camera.

Everything is ready.

We commence with the holiday festivities. They're sipping their cocoa, the holiday music is on, I have my camera poised and ready to begin documenting the loving, fun-filled holiday family time between my precious son and daughter.

It's going so well. The cocoa's not too hot, the music's not too loud, it's raining outside, the little wooden tree was easy to put together, the kids are getting along - it was a scene that would have compelled Norman Rockwell to paint a picture of our family.

As I always do when I'm in these situations, I begin mentally drafting my acceptance speech for my now-certain Mother of the Year Award.

And then it starts...

"Mom, Jack keeps trying to take my ornaments."

"No I don't - they're mine, Mom - Hope won't share!"

Not to be discouraged by this minor bickering (after all, I don't have any documented evidence that this magical night took place yet), I reply gently with, "That's enough guys... Let's have fun with this, okay?"

The decorating resumes and in an effort to keep them from talking to each other (or to me) I turn the Christmas music up just a few notches.

The bickering starts up again.

"Maaawm! Jack's breathing on me! Make him stop!"

"Hope, Jack will die if he stops breathing. It would probably be easier if you scoot over a little bit."

I grip my camera a little tighter - beads of sweat begin form on my upper lip. I HAVE to get these pictures. The world must know that my family is perfect, thay the love to be around each other and that the holidays at the Goble house are nothing short of magical.

Cue louder music.

I turn my back to set my camera to the non red-eye setting.

And then it happened. I'm not really sure who or what started it.

Hope is shouting, "Nooooooooooooo!" as her hot cocoa spills across the table.

Jack reaches for his ornaments in an effort to save them from the river of cocoa making it's way across the table at alarming speed.

He misses.

Instead of saving the ornaments, he drowns them in a new river of hot cocoa from his own cup while simultaneously knocking the tree and the box of the remaining ornaments all over the floor.

Hope starts yelling at Jack that he's making a mess, bends down to pick up the ornaments and smacks her head on the table.

She starts howling.

The Christmas music that was only moments ago providing us with our own lovely holiday soundtrack is now ironically blaring out that horrible song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

Jack is crying and shouting over and over again that he didn't do anything.

I stand there, my feet frozen to the floor, powerless to stop the chaos, unable to accept the fact that my dream of documenting a perfect holiday memory is now an impossibility.

All is lost...

All I could think was, "I don't have my pictures yet. These rotten little mongrels robbed me of my freakin' Christmas joy photos."

Where's the stinkin' joy???

I snap.

I grab both kids by the ear and yank them away from the table. I slam my hand on the counter and scream at the top of my lungs:

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! CAN WE NOT HAVE JUST ONE! FREAKIN! GOOD! HOLIDAY! MOMENT!?"

The kids stare at me, their eyes the size of dinner plates.

They are gripped with fear.

They are completely silent.

The only noise in the room is that ridiculously stupid Christmas music, the dripping of sticky, pepperming cocoa creating a huge pool on my kitchen floor and my labored breathing.

But the kids are completely.... SILENT.

As in, they're no longer arguing, howling, screaming or crying.

See where I'm goin' with this?

I sieze what I know to be my only opporunity to salvage my dream, grab my camera and shout at them to say cheese and start snapping pictures.

I got my loving, happy faced family fun time picture!!

Of course, it's because the kids were paralyzed with fear, but you'd never know that from looking at the picture (as long as you're willing to overlook the sheer terror behind their eyes).

Now you know why I never post any videos of my family.

Sigh.... maybe this year will be better....

Addendum: I added the picture. There were several, but they're all pretty much the same (if you look closely, you'll see the terror behind there eyes - or at least a look that says, "Watch out for mom - she's got a camera and that crazed look again...).

P.S. I sincerely hope I am not alone in this sort of behavior... I'd like to think that there are other moms out there who are just as obsessive and neurotic as I am.

I Want to Help You, Help Me

This isn't news for those of you who know me, but I can't cook.

Seriously, I know NOTHING.

I need to learn.

I want to learn.

From all of you.

Yes that's right. I'm looking to the blogosphere for help.

Keeping in mind that I know nothing, please give me some guidance. I'm seeking some simple recipes for family dinner. Crock pot recipes would be great. ANY recipes would be great.

Can you help out a hapless, culinary challenged mother of two ridiculoulsly picky kids? See, that's one of my problems. My laziness with learning how to cook has forged a dependance on mcdonalds, corn dogs and mac and cheese. Trying to get them to eat anything else is a recipe for disaster (ironically the only recipe I have mastered).

I dream of the day that we can sit at the dinner table and eat some sort of a casserole without my kids sobbing and vomitting all over the table (they can barf at the drop of a hat).

You all have helped me with book choices, dealing with potty training and night terrors and now I come to you again asking for your boundless wisdom.

In return for your wisdom, I will share my experiences (trust me Im confident that the stories will abound); I will even include pictures of the more frightening cases.

Please.

I need your help.

I need your recipes!

Two Short Stories of the Evangelically Challenged...

~Story #1~

I picked Jack up from preschool yesterday and we had this conversation about his day:

ME: Jack, what did you learn at school today?

JACK: We learned about the Bible!!

ME: Cool! What did you learn?

JACK: Oh I can't tell you.

ME: Why not?

JACK: It's a secret Mom - we're not supposed to talk about the Bible with anyone.

~Story #2~

Jack is singing the song "Jump, Jump, Jump into the Light, Light, Light." He loved singing the chorus.

Over and over and over again.

JACK: (singing at the top of his lungs) Heeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight!

HOPE: Yeah, Yeah, OKAY JACK. He's the light, I get it. Now be quiet.

Random Motherhood Confession #2

So what is my confession? My confession is that I have no idea what I'm doing.

And I'm afraid that I'm failing miserably.

Jack is sick again. This is the 4th time in 5 weeks.

I work full time.

I feel like like a complete failure when my child gets sick and I find out about it from his daycare provider. I should have known he was sick because he should have been with me.

I hate that I heard about it from someone else.

The reality is that I have to work.

And I'm thankful for the ability to work and for the fact that I have a job.

But right now I feel like a failure in all aspects - as a Mother and as a professional.

I'm not at work because I'm home with Jack - so I'm failing to meet expectations at work.

I wasn't there when Jack got sick (it happened at daycare while I was on my way to work) - so I'm failing to take care of him when he needs it most.

I'm at a loss.

I have no idea how to balance being a mom and working. You'd think I would because I've been doing it for almost 8 years.

And I still have no idea what I'm doing.

And I'm afraid I'm failing miserably.

Random Motherhood Confession #1

Whenever I play Hide-and-Seek with the kids, I wait as long as I possibly can to go find them.

It's the only way I can enjoy a few extra moments of total silence.

My record is 4 minutes.

I have learned (the hard way) to tell the kids that some hiding spots (like the one pictured) are off-limits.

Oh to be that carefree...

Hope going after giant bubbles

Jack kickin' it in the swing

Hope going after more bubbles

My kids remind me that life is to be enjoyed.

It was more than just a crib...

Jack graduated from a crib to a big-boy bed.

We've been talking about it for a while - and decided on Monday that we would do it.

I was so excited.

Until it came time to take the crib apart.

It was pretty old - and had been taken apart several times over the years - so there was no saving it.

It broke when Kurt took it apart.

Something about seeing it in pieces like that really got to me.

It was more than just a crib.

It was the crib that both my kids used.

The crib that the kids and I would play peek-a-boo with.

The crib that both kids stood up in and fell asleep standing up because they couldn't figure out how to lay back down.

The crib that Hope was standing in when she ate half a tube of Butt Paste.

The crib Jack was sitting in when he threw his first big temper-tantrum.

The crib that both Hope and Jack slept in on their first night home with us.

The crib I leaned over so I could rub their backs when they cried (sometimes until I fell asleep leaning over it).

The crib that I paced in front of when one of them had a high fever.

The crib I prayed over every night when I tucked them in.

The crib I would just stare into and be amazed by how much love I felt for the little baby sleeping in it.

It was more than just a crib.

And now it's in pieces waiting to be taken to the dumpster.

I saved a piece of it. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, but I couldn't let it go.

It was more than just a crib...