Did you feel the earthquake?

Happened at approximately 9:30 tonight - only a 3.1 (although I thought it felt bigger than that!) - centered near Newport Beach.

My Prediction for the Bottom Three

Of the three, I think Ramiele will get the boot.

After tonight's performances, I think the final two will come down to these guys - I don't know yet which one I think will win. But I believe it will definitely be one of them.

Jason Castro is still my favorite - and if he ever makes an album, I'll totally buy it; but I don't think he's as strong as Michael Johns or David Cook.

If Chocolate Bunnies Could Talk

An oldie but a goodie...

Laughs from Lost

Happy Birthday, Mom...

Kind of a tough day for me. It's my Mom's birthday. For those of you who may not know me very well, my mom passed 6 years ago. So every year, when her birthday comes around, it's hard on me. Truthfully, there are a lot of days throughout the year when her death is harder to deal with: Mother's Day, my kids' birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas - the list goes on. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and miss her - but some days it's more intense than others. Jack's birthday is especially difficult because she never got to meet him. That's so strange to me. In my heart I feel as though she knows him - but it's not the same.

She got to know Hope - and for that I'm so grateful. When she was first diagnosed with cancer, I was about 3 months pregnant with Hope. The doctors told my mom that she only had weeks to live. But my mom just flat out said, "No. I'm not going to miss this baby being born." That's how Hope got her name. And my mom got to share in Hope's first year.

Jack knows who his Grandma is - we show him pictures and tell him how Grandma Rekstad is in Heaven. Someday he'll understand what that means and know what an amazing woman she was.

I'm thankful because I know my Mom's eternity is secured. She's with Christ now. I know that should be enough... But, there are days when - even though I know she's with Christ - that I'm more in touch with the fact that she's not with me. I'm ashamed to admit this, but there are times when I'm jealous of people who still have their Moms around. It's such a gift - and it's a gift that is so easily taken for granted. I know I took it for granted. I'm sad when I think of the time I wasted arguing with her or being upset with her. But I'm thankful that during the last few years of her life we spent time talking with each other on the phone every single day; and throughout the last year of her life, I spent almost every weekend at my Mom & Dad's house (Hope came with me - which was great because my Mom got to spend so much time with her). I'm sad that she can't experience watching Hope grow up - or getting to know Jack. But then I'm happy because I know that she's not suffering anymore. I'll never forget the day that she realized she couldn't hold Hope anymore because she was afraid she would have a seizure and drop her. Watching the agony of that realization come across her face is something I'll never forget - and I'm so thankful that she's not in that kind of pain anymore.

She would quote this verse from one of her favorite songs a lot during that last year and I think about it a lot now.
There are things about tomorrow
That I don’t seem to understand.
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

She had a tremendous faith.

She was a great lady. I wish you all could have known her. She had more purses than anyone alive. She couldn't go to Costco or WalMart without buying at least one movie - even one she knew she'd probably never watch (about 85% of them she never even opened). She could sew better than anyone I know. She made a lot of my clothes growing up - she even made clothes for all my Barbie Dolls. She loved spice drops (those little sugary gum drop candies). She would never pass on an opportunity to go shopping at the Orange County Swap Meet. She had more tubes of lipstick than 5 women combined (but she only wore one color). Her favorite place was Cannon Beach in Oregon. Every year at Christmas she wore the craziest Christmas sweaters and they got more and more elaborate every year. She loved the rain. She made the best Spritz cookies I've ever had - and she only made them at Christmas time. She loved white cake with white frosting and would often bake one "just to have." She loved to go to Disneyland at Christmas time so she could see all the decorations. Her favorite mall was South Coast Plaza. She couldn't buy a birthday gift for one of her grandchildren without getting all of them "just a little something so they won't feel left out." She loved to just "go for a drive" to no particular destination. She was a nurse for over 30 years. She loved her family. Her family was (and still is) very proud of her.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you and I miss you...

My pick for American Idol

I don't know if he'll win - but he's totally my favorite.

I'm hooked. Again...

I go through cycles of addiction with my TV watching. Star Trek, The Next Generation (ALWAYS a fave of mine), I Love Lucy, Frasier and Just Shoot Me to name a few. Raise a glass to DVR ladies and gentlemen (one of the greatest inventions known to man). But, lately, I've found myself returning to the old tried and true: Little House on the Prairie. And I'm such a sap. I cry at almost every episode. I watched it like 4 times a day when I was pregnant with Jack and stuck home on bed rest and sobbed like a baby every time it was on (especially the James & Cassandra two parter where SPOILER ALERT - their parents die in an horrific wagon accident and they go to live with these abusive foster parents and then Charles and Caroline take them in because they feel that love will keep them alive and it doesn't matter that they don't have enough money or a big enough house). Of course, at the time I was great with child (I've never understood that phrase - there is nothing great about being so huge that your ankles have their own zip code) so I was sobbing about everything anyway. But even now - with the pregnancy hormones being nothing more than a wretched memory - I still get all choked up about this show. There's just something about Charles kicking someone's butt and then crying about his family. It simply does not get old... Even Kurt doesn't complain about this show (he often shares his little editorials while I'm watching my programs - especially if it's an I Love Lucy episode). But the only comment he makes when I watch Little House is: "Dude, you just don't mess with Charles." Oh - he also says "Shut up Carrie." (he sort of thinks that the Carrie character is unnecessary).... And it's also a bit of a compulsion. He honestly can't help himself. I keep telling him that there are 12 step programs out there that can help him through this - but he's not having any of it.

Good Idea, Bad Idea

Okay, not to swipe Jon's "Funny/Not Funny" premise - but this is how things went down at the Goble house tonight.

Good idea: Jack deciding that he want to brush his teeth.
Bad idea: Jack deciding that he wants to brush the cat's teeth.

Good idea: Hope deciding that she wants to play treasure hunt and use her play-dough as the treasure.
Bad idea: Hiding the play-dough (out of the container) and forgetting where she hid it (but she's pretty sure it was on the carpet somewhere).

Good idea: Jack taking a bath and playing with all of his groovy bath toys
Bad idea: Me turning my back for a second and Jack drinking a big mouthful of that yummy, filthy bath water.

Good idea: Me deciding that I'm going to go to bed early and catch up on my sleep.
Bad idea: Checking my blog real quick and ending up on the computer for 2 more hours before finally calling it a night.

Lost

I just wanted to comment again that this is the coolest show on TV. And I'm totally Lost. And seriously, if I ever meet the guy who plays Ben, I'm pretty sure I will run away and hide.

Hopey-Hope

Hope is such a sweet little girl. We went to the park last night for a picnic. Kurt and I took turns eating so that one of us could chase Jack as he ran around like a wild man. Hope & Kurt ate first and then it was my turn. I was sitting at the table eating dinner and Hope was sitting across from me. I noticed that she was looking out at the playground with this wistful expression on her face. I knew she wanted to go play and didn't know what was holding her back. I told her to go play and she looked at me and said in this tiny little voice, "I don't want to." I asked her why and her chin started to quiver and her eyes got real big as she said "Because I don't want you to be alone Mommy." I was so blown away by that... that she would just sit there waiting with me because she didn't want me to be alone. I told her to just go play - that I'd be just fine and would be along in a couple of minutes. She looked at me like "are you sure?" But then she just smiled this huge smile and said "thanks mommy!" and ran off. It doesn't sound like much - but it made me so, so happy. My silly, sweet little girl...

Vistage

Today was a rough day. I am part of a group called Vistage - phenominal experience - but excruciating at times. You are part of a group of Executives from other companies (there are thousands of Vistage groups/members worldwide). You get together once a month and work through issues that you are dealing with in your place of business. It's a tough process. Invigorating - and totally draining all at the same time. You present your issue - and then everyone in the group starts asking questions. No question is off limits - you must answer (without getting defensive as that destroys the purpose of the exercise) - and the group is not allowed to offer up any solutions (that comes later). Imagine yourself in a room of 20 other executives and they're all firing questions at you. It's like nothing I've ever experienced. The more questions they ask you, the more you answer. The more you answer - they more they ask. The purpose of course is to get to to the root of the issue; more often than not the issue you're presenting is symptomatic of something bigger. That isn't always the case - but for me, it usually is. This goes on for several minutes - then the group begins giving you advice. After that, you make your commitments - specific actions you will take between now and next month's meeting that propel you toward solving your issue.

I've been with the group for over a year and they have worked several of my issues; and each time I've come away tired but energized. I've executed plan in both my personal and professional life based on the advice of this group of people and have seen dramatic changes because of it. I've yet to have a bad experience - but today was by far the toughest issue I've had. These people are amazing - brilliant, successful, insightful, genuine - and tough as nails. As I said before, no question is off limits because absolute truth is required to get to the root of the issue. It's hard to be totally open, totally raw in a room full of very strong, very successful business men and women. Don't get me wrong - it's a totally safe environment. I have never once felt attacked, exploited - anything like that. I know that the intent of every single person in that room is to help the person with the issue. But the process still sucks.

I came away really run down - and had to hurry home so that I could go to vocal rehearsal. I was so beat - so drained emotionally and mentally. But then I got to rehearsal - and got to spend time with people that I love so much; people who encourage me just by being themselves. And all of a sudden I didn't feel so beat down - so discouraged. I felt loved - I felt welcome - I felt better. I'm thankful for the people God has put in my life: friends, family, co-workers, Vistage members. But I'm especially thankful right now for my friends - you make my life so much richer. And to Kristi - you mean the world to me - thank you so much for walking with me through this valley.

Sing along!

Don had a picture on his blog today from Haley's birthday party last year and I remembered that I had this little video clip. That day was really a lot of fun...

Just Keepin' It Real...

is

Hi. I'm Heidi and I'm boring.

Many of you have really cool blogs. They're funny. Clever. Pithy. Witty. I go to your blogs with the hope that I will be thoroughly entertained and I am seldom disappointed. And then there's my blog... The authority on Springfield and Snot Spots.
For those of you who know me, you know that I am rarely speachless. So why is it that I can never think of anything to write about? Not a lot goes on in my life... I'm actually really happy about that - but it makes me a less than average blogger.

So what should I write about? Should I write about the mom I yelled at in the parking lot of a Starbucks yesterday morning because she left her newborn baby alone in the car for over 5 minutes? Idiot.

Or should I write about the fact that Lost is the coolest show ever and I'm almost as afraid of Ben as I am of clowns?

Oooh - can you imagine: Ben dressed up as a clown? I think if that happened I'd have to give up watching Lost. No clowns. Clowns are bad. BAD.

Hmmmm..... Who's scarier? Ben or the clown? Dude - it's totally the clown. I have to go now. I have to switch on every light in the entire house because scary clowns like to hide in the dark so they can jump out and kill you. Clowns like the dark. Clowns like it when you go to sleep. Musn't fall asleep. Clowns get you when you sleep. Can't sleep.... Clowns will eat me.

A Shout out to Springfield

I spent this last week in Springfield Missouri on business. I was dreading it - who wants to go to there? I was pretty confident that there couldn't possibly be anything remotely interesting about such a boring place.

So I did a little research. I found a lot of interesting stuff.

It's the home of more unsolved murders per capita than anywhere in the United States.

It hasSecond-highest number of fast food restaurants per capita in the United States (behind Owensboro, Ky.).

It is the home of cashew chicken

Its Wal-mart Supercenter is the most profitable Supercenter in the country, and was also the site of a celebration for selling the most duct tape of anyplace in the United States.

It gave us the original Bachelor, Aaron Buerge.

It is the home of former Attorney General John Ashcroft

The Federal Medical Center is at the corner of Sunshine Street and Kansas Expressway and has housed Gen. Manuel Noriega, John Gotti (who died there two years ago), Jeffrey Dahmer and Timothy McVeigh, among others.

It is where Trinity Broadcasting Network started.

Jerry Falwell went to school at Baptist Bible College on Kearney Street.

Faith healer Benny Hinn's wife went to Evangel University, which named its basketball arena after John Ashcroft.

It's Brad Pitt's hometown

There are 34 towns and cities with the name “Springfield” in the United States

So it's not so boring afterall...

homesick....

I'm posting from my blackberry so I don't know if this will work or not. I'm on a trip for work this week. I left on Sunday morning and I feel like I've been gone forever. I'm lucky because I'm travelling with 2 other women from my office that I get along really well with, we got snow today (we're in Springfield Missouri) and I've met a lot of great people and made some killer networking contacts... But I'm really sad tonight. I miss my family and am ready to come home. A few more days to go...

Hope's Favorite Joke

Hey! I got a "P"

Missed Opportunity

A colleague and I were discussing our company's strategic marketing plan for the coming year. And then out of nowhere he asks me this question: "All Christians believe in a predetermined, Master Plan, don't they?" I replied, "Some do, yes." He responded by saying "if someone believes in a Master Plan, then why do they pray? What good does it do if the Plan has already been set?" I was startled at the stark contrast between this line of questioning and our conversation about marketing. My mind was reeling - I know all the things you're supposed to say: "free will" "God's sovereignty" "Jeremiah 29:11" - but in that moment my mind went blank. I froze. I started to stammer out some sort of lame response and he cut me off and said "we don't have time to discuss it right now" and went right back into our previous conversation. And just like that, the moment was gone. I can't help feeling like I really blew it. I look for those opportunities all the time. This one fell in my lap and I didn't know what to do.

Comment Deleted?! What the?

Okay, so as a new blogger, nothing strikes at the heart of my insecurities like seeing the phrase, "This comment has been removed by the author." What is that supposed to mean? (See Comments for Snot Spot entry). What, was the comment too harsh? Too rude? Too long? Too short? Too funny? Too boring? Why didn't they preview it before they published it and decide at that point to just cancel out? Why put me through the agony of imagining the author's intent? Did the author simply decide that I wasn't worthy of his/her comment? What does it mean? I know what you're thinking - "Geez, if it bothers you that much, sign in and delete the entry that says the comment has been removed ya big baby!" But that's not the point! Yes, I can delete the nasty reminder that someout who is reading my blog is Stinkin' Cyber-Space indian-giver, but I can't erase the fact that it happened! I tried to figure out the politically correct way to say indian giver - but I gave up. So, for those of you who are offended, I do apologize. Leave a comment and delete it - we'll call it even. Hey, at least it won't say "0 Comments" at the end of my blog.

The Snot Spot

I sang on worship team this weekend. I wore a black jacket. When I got home I took my jacket off and there it was. The biggest snot spot I have ever seen. It was on my left side - just beneath the pocket. And it wasn't just a spot. No, no. It had... contours. Raised surfaces. Texture, if you will. Good grief you could have picked it off me from 5 feet away. Kids. They're always with you.

Still no memories of me...

My quest to be remembered by the staff at Starbucks is ongoing (click here for the backstory)...

It appeared as though I had made a breakthrough on Monday. I was late for work and really wasn't thinking about my anonymity issues. I was torn because I knew I was about to be late for a meeting with my boss, but the thought of facing that meeting without coffee was unfathomable.

So I breeze into Starbucks and stand in line fully expecting to be greeted in the same emotionless, robotic fashion I am greeted every morning. I stop short at the counter when I realize that Selective Amnesia Starbucks Girl isn't behind the counter. I smile to myself thinking "maybe she got fired because she forgot how to get here." My blissful daydream was interrupted by a chipper little voice saying, "Hey, how ya doin'? Can I help you?" I look up and there's this kid standing behind the counter. I've seen him there a couple of times - but he's never waited on me before. I smiled at the fact that he was so friendly - unlike Frigid Memory Loss Starbucks Girl who was still no where in sight. I took my drink and made my way to the drink station to add my usual coffee fixins: half-n-half, splenda and cinnamon.

As I get closer to the drink station, I hear this voice above my left shoulder say, "Do you want some cinnamon?" I'm thinking - who is this person and does he know that he is dangerously close to violating my unspoken rules on personal space? (more on my personal space issues later). I turn and look to see who it is and it's Friendly Starbucks Guy. So now I'm really torn. On one hand, I'm psyched because finally someone there remembers something about me! He remembers that I like cinnamon in my coffee.

But wait.... how does he remember that? How does he know that? The only way he would know that is if he'd been watching me every day. Suddenly he doesn't seem like Friendly Starbucks Guy. No... Now he's more like Stalker Starbucks Guy. I find myself wishing that Groundhog Day Starbucks Girl had been there. He continues walking toward me (he's almost standing on my feet at this point). He asks again "Do you want some cinnamon?" He stretches out his arm toward me (he's holding the cinnamon) - but wait a second - where is he going? He's looking beyond me.... Now he's walking past me.... There's a girl standing on my right. She looks up and sees him - her face lights up when she cathes a glimpse of the cinnamon and she reaches out and takes it from him. She smiles and says to him "Oh yay! You remembered."

Of course he did.

Crazy Man, Crazy Man, Crazy Man, Jack

Crazy man, crazy man, crazy man, Jack
Loves to give mommy a heart attack
Running into walls
and falling on his face
Spreading mass chaos
All over the place.
He’s always into everything
And constantly on the go
I’m forever saying “Don’t touch that”
And “Stop it, Jack! That’s a no-no.”

Crazy man, crazy man, crazy man, Jack
With his beautiful smile
And heart of gold
The sound of his laughter
Will never get old.
He drives me nuts,
He drives me wild
But I couldn’t be happier
That he is my child.
I love him with everything
He’s my little boy
And in spite of the “No-No’s” and “Stop It’s”
He brings me pure joy.

They change so fast...

October
I know that babies change really fast - but it seems like Hope has changed a lot in the last few months. She's 6 years old - and once they get to about that age, they don't seem to change as
quickly. But she seems to have hit a little growth spurt. She's grown almost an inch in the last 8 weeks - and now that her two front teeth have come in - she looks so old. Then today - Kurt took her to get her hair cut. When I got home from work, she told me that when she saw herself after her haircut, she was really surprised. She said, "Mom I look really different. I look older - ya know what?  I bet I could pass for for seven!"

Today

Remember Me?

I go to Starbucks every morning on my way to work. I go to the same one. I go at the same time. I order the same thing. From the same person. Everyday I watch as the people in front of me in line are greeted by the Starbucks employees as though they are old friends. Not just greeted. Remembered. And not only are they remembered - but their drink, no matter how complicated, is remembered also. Every day it's the same thing. I hear things like,

"Hey Mardrianna - haven't seen you here in a couple of weeks! Are you going with the double tall, half non-fat, half soy, decaf, no foam, sugar-free vanilla late with a pinch of nutmeg today - or are you going to live dangerously and get it with a dollop of whipped cream and a pump of cinnamon?"

And everyday I wait my turn in line, eagerly anticipating the moment when the same girl that I see behind the same counter at the same time every day will look at me and greet with that same sort of recognition and enthusiasm.

But everyday my hopes are brutally smashed to bits as I step up to that same counter, to the same girl that I see at the same time every day - and without any trace of recognition or warm familiarity in her eyes at all, she looks at me as if seeing me for the first time in her life, and says,

"Can I help you?"

Um, hello?

In my mind I'm screaming, "Yes. YES - you can help me. You can tell me why it is that you can remember a girl who hasn't darkened your door for days and days, who has a name as complicated as Mardrianna, and a drink that requires a dual Masters Degree in Metaphysics and Chemistry to assemble, but you can't remember something as simple as the name Heidi and the fact that my drink of choice is a Grande Red Eye!"

But.... Everyday I let it pass. Everyday I stare into that same blank, little face, smile the same smile and say the same thing: "Grande Red Eye, please."

Everyday. Until today.

Oh, today started out no differently than any other day. I was greeted with the same blank stare to which I have so sadly become accustomed; the same lack of warmth and familiarity; my blood began to boil the same way it does every day as she apathetically took my money without ever making eye contact, while simultaneously greeting the person in line behind me by name and and talking to him about the varying nuances of his drink (which was even more complicated than what's her name's was in front of me). I was prepared to walk away quietly like I do everyday.

But then something happened. She said something new. She didn't just say, "Can I help you?" She said, "Can I help you..... Ma'am."

Ma'am.

MA'AM!

I don't really remember what happened after that. Somehow I managed to make it back to my car without the police being called. I thought about clobbering her with my purse - I bet she'd remember that... Actually, she probably wouldn't. With my luck, she'd wind up with amnesia. But hey, at least that way she wouldn't remember anyone. I would no longer be the only one who gets ignored at the Starbucks counter! But truthfully, I'd rather be ignored than Ma'am'd. I think tomorrow I'll go to Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf....

Giving Thanks...

Hope's been sick for the last several days with a fever topping off at just over 103. So sad... It's going around though. A lot of people at my office have been sick with it too. I took her to the doctor last Friday - but she said it's viral so no antibiotics. Bummer. She seems to be somewhat better - her fever has come down some but she still looks a little off. Eyes all sunken in and hollow looking, face all bright red. Not my normal little smiley Hopey. But I'm so grateful that she's such a healthy kid. When we were at the doctor's office, the doc looked at her chart and said "Wow! You haven't been here for a sick visit since 2005!" Obviously she's had little bugs since then - but never anything big. What an amazing gift. Jack gets sick a lot - but nothing really out of the ordinary for a toddler in daycare. Again, an amazing gift.

Every time one of the kids gets sick I think of the St. Jude commercial that says "Give thanks for the healthy children in your life." My heart just breaks for children and families who are walking in the valley of serious illness. I honestly don't know how you weather a storm like that. So, as I'm sitting here wiping noses and listening to a little (sometimes a LOT) whining, I smile because I know that in a few days I'll be sitting here having tea parties and listening to her laugh. I don't know that there's a better gift than happy, healthy kids...