Life as a Goble

Borax Sparklies

2012-01-28T11:13:00.000-08:00

I love sparkly things.

I love inexpensive things.

I love making things (as long as they're easy).

I REALLY love making sparkly things that are inexpensive (and easy).

So I give you (drumroll please): The Borax Sparklies!

This will come as a shock - but this idea came from Pinterest. The kids and I made these at Christmas too - but I especially love the Valentine sparklies.

And they're actually easy! All you do is make some pipe cleaner shapes and let them soak overnight in a water/Borax solution.

Here's how:

Take pipe cleaners and make them into the shapes you want.

Since they have to hang suspended in water overnight, I attached them to a pencil (a popsicle stick would work fine too). I used fishing line and scotch tape to attach them.

Also - I put them in empty jars first to make sure that the shape will fit in the jar without touching the sides or the bottom.

Once you're ready to submerge the pipecleaners, fill a mason jar with hot (super hot) water and add a half to a three-quarters cup of Borax to it. Important: If you use something bigger than a mason jar (I used some empty hurricane lamps) use more Borax. The sparklies come from the Borax so you want to make sure that you're solution isn't too watered down.

ASIDE: Apparently Borax is like this crazy good household cleaner. I wouldn't know about such things since I'm not the best housekeeper...)

Anyway! Stir up the Borax really good and then submerge your pipecleaner shape into the water. Be sure not to let it touch the sides or the bottom or it will get stuck.

Let them sit, fully submerged and undisturbed overnight.

The next day, carefully remove them from the water and voila!! A SPARKLY!!! (can't you just hear them sparkling - sheen! sparkle, sparkle!!)

They look beautiful hanging from a chandelier or in a window. When the sun hits them, they really sparkle!

They also make cute little gift wrap accessories.

Here's the site where I first saw the idea.

Couple things that I've found with these.... Sometimes they come out without any crystals on them. I think that happens when you don't use enough Borax - or when you disturb them while they're soaking. Be sure to use lots of Borax, and once you submerge them, don't touch them until the next day when it's time to take them out.

Also, after a few months, the crystals will turn all white and powdery. I just toss them at that point and make new ones.

Sparkle on, friends!

The Prayer Pail

2012-01-25T16:35:00.000-08:00

I've been troubled lately by my kids' prayers. Geez, that sounds so horrible to say - but let me explain. We talk about prayer - and the fact that when you're praying, you're talking with God. We talk about how important that is - and how happy it makes God when we pray. And my kids pray all the time.

So how can I be troubled by my kids' prayers?

Well... because they say the same thing.

Every.Single.Time

It's as if prayer has become this meaningless exercise they must perform before they eat and before they go to bed. I'm serious - they say the EXact same thing every time. And it's crazy - it's not just their words that are the same - their inflections, their meter - everything! It's like they're reciting a poem they've memorized or something. They're praying in Iambic Pentameter!

Does God love them any less? Of.Course.Not. Do my kids love God any less? Again. Of.Course.Not.

I just think they could get a little bit more about of their conversations with God if they actually thought about what they were saying instead of simply reciting what they've always recited. I would love for them to see/understand that they're building a relationship with God - and that prayer is one of the ways you do do that.

Enter the Prayer Pail. This was an idea I got from Pinterest (duh) and I'm very excited to put it into practice.

Each night at dinner - and each night before bed, the kids will draw a card from the Prayer Pail. They will talk to God about whatever is on the card. Maybe it's a prayer request for that person/thing - maybe it's a praise. Whatever it is - I'm hoping that it will help them engage a little more. That they'll think about what they're saying. That they'll begin to see that they're talking with God - not AT Him.

Prayer is a pretty powerful thing. We tend to think about praying for other people - and praying because God wants us to talk to Him. I think we often overlook what WE get out of prayer. I think we forget that we are really talking to God when we pray.

We are having a conversation with someone we have a relationship with. When we talk to our friends and family, we don't recite at them. we talk to them.

I tend to be very informal in my praying - I tend to make it more like a conversation. Because, after all, that's what it is. For me - it makes God more real. I hope it's not blasphemous to say that - I'm just being honest. I know that His realness isn't dictated by how I interact with Him - I'm just saying that I feel more connected to Him.

Anyway! I'm going to stop on this path because I don't want to say something stupid or offensive. (although I could, it's MY blog so just back off why don't ya!) See what I mean? That's why I quit when I'm ahead.

OKAY! Here's the Prayer Pail. It's cute huh? It's just a little plastic cup from Michaels.

I filled it with little plastic cards and tied a ribbon to each card. So each kid will draw a card....

And each card has something written on it. In addition to whatever they're praying for (ie, dinner, etc) they will add something about whatever is on the card. Like I said, it may be a request, maybe just a thank you for that person/thing.

I made a lot of different things to pray about. There's even a Wild Card (the one with the ? mark on it) which lets them pray about whatever they want. And of course they're not limited to just what's on the card. I'm just using the cards to get them going a little...

I'm excited about this. I hope the kids will be too...

(PS - here's the site where I got the idea! )

yummmm

2012-01-15T16:01:00.000-08:00

So anyone that knows me knows that I am not a really good cook. I can follow a recipe - but I can't come up with stuff on my own. As such, I'm always on the lookout for recipes that are easy-peasey-rice-and-cheesey.

I found one that I had to share.

Not to worry, I'm not going to turn this into a food blog - there are too many amazing ones out that there that I simply can't compete with (Click here to see my favorite one). But I had to share this one recipe (from Pinterest, course - click here for the source)

They're called Baked Egg Cups.

They're approximately 100 calories each.

They take 12 minutes - with about 2 minutes prep time.

And they're amazing.

Baked Egg Cups
12 Eggs (I usually make them for just my husband and me - so I only make 4 at a time instead of a dozen)
12 thin slices of deli ham (round)
1/2 Cup of your favorite cheese (I used Parmesan)

1/2 Cup diced scallions
Fresh cracked Sea Salt and Pepper

Preheat the oven to 400.

Spray a muffin tin with cooking spray.

Lay a piece of ham in each hole creating a little ham cup.

Crack one egg into each hole and sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Bake for 10 minutes at 400 (or until the white is firm and the yolk is somewhat gelled and still a little runny - my experience has always been 10 minutes)

Sprinkle the top with chives and cheese.

Bake for 2-3 more minutes at 400.

Pop each cup out with a fork.

Serve hot - take a bite and watch it change.your.life.

Sorry that the edges of the ham are a little burnt. This picture was from my first try. (I've since learned to tuck the edges down a bit - they won't get burnt that way).

My husband likes to put each cup on top of an English Muffin half (this will increase your calories, but it is definitely extra yummy).

I love the combination of all the flavors. I think it tastes like Christmas morning. : )

If you try it, I hope you like it!

A Few of My Favorite Things...

2012-01-10T21:57:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've done one of these posts - and I feel like bloggin'. So here we go! The following is a list of some of my current favorite things (in no particular order)

The Help
Oh my. This book. This movie. LOVED them both. So good. Read it then watch it. You'll love it and want to read it and watch it all over again. Good stuff!

Pinterest

Okay, seriously folks. If you are not on Pinterest, you are missing.out. I mean come ON! Where else can you go to get fabulous ideas on everything from cooking to how to use a DSLR camera. Crafts! Organizing! Crocheting! Fashion! Travel! Home Decor! Why am I shouting?! Mercy, I'm all sweaty just typing about it. You simply have to join. For those of you who don't know what Pinterest is (pardon me while I take a hit from my inhaler - just the IDEA of someone not knowing what Pinterest is -((gasp)) - I can't breathe).

Pinterest is an online pin board. You see things that you love online - and you can pin them onto different boards that you create. For example, say I want to find some recipes. So I create a board for recipes. Every time I find a recipe online, I can pin it to me recipe board. Boom! Now I'll always be able to find it! And what's so fun is that other people can look on your boards, and pin your pins to their boards and vice versa! It's so much fun I can't even stand it (my voice is getting high pitched just TYPING this - lucky for you I'm not telling you about it in person).

Find me on Pinterest (hey look, there I am!) - it's easy, you'll love it. Just do it. (my name is Heidi Goble)

Crocheting

I'm hooked. Hahahaha, see what I did there? Hooked? ((sigh)) I think I'm funny - no one ever thinks I'm funny, but I think I'm so funny. So crocheting. I taught myself how to do it through Pinterest and YouTube videos and I'm addicted. So much fun! I even crocheted this cute little cowl scarf - isn't it adorb? Love it!

(The one on the right, that's my Iranian peasant girl look. And no, that's not bad back lighting on the pictures - that's just my angelic glow. )

Invisalign

Truthfully I have mixed feelings on this one. I've had Invisalign since July. I want straight teeth, but hey. It's orthodontics. How much fun can it really be? But I'll be happy when I'm done, I'm sure. But, in the meantime, be a friend and if you see me with food stuck between my teeth and my Invisalign trays, don't point and laugh (like my husband does) - just point me in the direction of the nearest restroom.

Password Photo Frame

Oh.My.Word. I could spend 3 days talking about how much I love this little invention. I found it on my new favorite blog Sew Many Ways. I don't know about you - but I have a LOT of things that require passwords and I can never keep them all straight. I'm forever have to get my password emailed to me - it drives me NUTS. Enter the Password Photo Frame.

It's a .99 cent frame from Ikea - it's dual sided. One side is a cute little picture of me and my guy (oooh, isn't he cute?) and on the back, I've typed out all my usernames and password clues! Note in the example I didn't give out any names and passwords - I just said sample, sample, sample. I love to share - but I have to draw the line somewhere. Also - on my actual list, I didn't put in the passwords, I just put in a clue that will prompt me to remember the password. I can't tell you how often I look at this crazy thing!

.99 people.

Life.Changing.

Thank you again to Sew Many Ways! (I'm telling you, this woman is brilliant).

Downton Abbey

((Dramatic Sigh..... ))

There aren't enough ways to say how much I love this show. It's practically perfect in every way. It's on on Sunday nights at 9:00 PM on PBS. Of course I have to watch it on a different night because I won't watch it when my husband is in the house. He claims to despise it - but methinks he protests a bit too vehemently. Trying to cover up a secret appreciation for the show. Quite Right! Anyway... After it airs each week, they show the episodes on the PBS website. Season 1 is streaming on Netflix right now. If you love Jane Austin, you will absolutely adore Downton Abbey.

People Magazine

Truthfully, this has ALWAYS been a fave of mine. It's brain candy, it's fun AND it helps you make small talk with people (who doesn't love talkin' celebrity gossip?!). I'm particularly smitten with it right now because I just a a subscription for Christmas - yay! A magazine AND mail! Win win!

Well, I think that's enough for now... I could go on and on but I've probably lost most of you at this point. I'm off to find more favorite things! (cue the Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens....)

Crap-Tastic Crap Baskets!

2012-01-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

So I got another idea off Pinterest. This one is brilliant I tell you, BRILLIANT! Now, typically, whenever I attempt to mimic a craft or a recipe I've seen online, the outcome is.... shall we say..... less than what is seen on the internet.

You'll notice that I just said "less." I didn't say how or, in what way it was less. The reason is because it's just less. It's just freakin' LESS. In EVERY way. Less attractive, less tasty, less cost effective and certainly less easy. (click here to see a sad and dark example of my experience with "Less").

My projects simply never turn out the way they look online.

Until this one.

This one, I dare say, turned out just as good and I'm super thrilled!

First let me give credit where credit is due. I found a wonderful blog, filled with all sorts of fun ideas - and I took the Crap Basket idea from her. If you get a chance, check out her blog - it's wonderful.

Okay, so on to the project. First, the backstory.

We live in a smallish house - certainly big enough for us to be comfortable - while at the same time -certainly small enough for us to get buried alive in our clutter. I can't count the number of hours I've spent hauling various pieces of clutter to their proper places.

But all of that is about to change.

Allow me to introduce, the Crap Basket.

Every member of the family has one. Throughout the day as I (or anyone else) comes across someone else's crap, they pick it up and put it in the respective Crap Basket. Sadly, I've had to change the name of these to Junk Baskets. I don't have any issue with the word, Crap - but I don't want my 5 year old son to get a color change at school for saying Crap. (Even though I've given up any hope at being named Mother of the Year, I still have to put forth the illusion that I'm an ongoing contender for the title).

Hope and I made them together and they were really easy (and even pretty cheap). I got the baskets for 75% at Michaels.

And then I bought little oval shaped woodies for .89 each and the pack of stencils was $3. And then of course I had to add the daisy clips for .99 each. The daisies are my attempt to make them look a little more feminine (the baskets felt a little masculine to me, what with the name crap and being brown and all)...

Hope painted the woodies and I did the stenciled letters. Then I just hot glued them to the baskets along with the flowers and voila! Craptastic Crap Baskets!

We had a family meeting and told the kids that they have to empty their basket each night before bed and bring it back to the living room. Of course, where they put the crap in their room is a different story (hey, we have to crawl before we can walk...).

The kids are actually excited about picking up their crap! Of course I realize that the novelty will soon wear off, but hey. I'm going to bask in this moment as long as I can.

Pinterest Project Post

2012-01-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

So here it is. My first Pinterest Project Post.

I got hooked on Pinterest last spring and I absolutely love it!

After much blood, sweat and tears, I taught myself to crochet and decided to crochet some scarves as gifts for Christmas this year. I created a pattern that was pretty simple and made about 15 of them for friends and family. They were a lot of fun - and really easy. I also crocheted 4 afghans along with the 15 scarves over a period of 3 weeks. (I don't recommend that you try that. Especially if you're married and have kids and want to stay married with kids).

If you're interested in the pattern let me know. It's pretty simple.

I like scarves that have a bigger stitch and are really soft so I used two strands of bulky yarn. Loops and Threads Charisma is my favorite brand because it's the softest (and the least expensive).

I also like them to be really long so I can wrap them around my neck a few times and still have some scarf left. Because I wanted them long, I needed a big hook so that I could make them up quickly. A long scarf made with tiny stitches would take way too long (my attention span is good for about 75 minutes and then I'm on to something else).

So....

In addition to the bulky yarn, I also used big ol' hook to help make the process faster (and to get that big stitch look I was going for). It's an S-35 hook (19 mm) - also known as the Speed Hook.

If you haven't joined Pinterest yet, you're missing out. It's crazy fun - you should join!

Okay....

So I'm going vulnerable here. Please.Be.Kind.

Here are a few pictures of the scarf.... Please don't judge, I took them at about 2:30 in the morning.

Yes. This is what I look like at 2:30 AM. I wore a hat so you wouldn't get jealous of my uber greasy hair. You're welcome.

And this is what I look like when I realize that no one wants to see my face at 2:30 AM (this is me telling Kurt to wait to take the picture until I made sure all 5 of my chins were safely tucked away under the scarf. He shot too soon).

This is me saying, "Alright, chins are securely stowed, go ahead and shoot." A word to the wise, when you're asking you husband to take Pinterest Project Post pictures of you at 2:30 AM, you may want to refrain from using phrases like, "go ahead and shoot." Hey, just tryin' to help you out...

And this is when common sense finally kicked in and I removed myself from the pictures altogether. (and Kurt said "screw it, I'm not taking anymore stinkin' pictures." so I had to take them myself).

Like I said earlier, I made a ton of these scarves in all kinds of colors. I made one for my sweet little Hope. It looks great on her dont'chya think? (no, this is was not taken at 2:30 AM - we are very responsible parents. This was taken on our way out to Ruby's to get the kids ice cream sundaes for dinner).

My husband tried to get a close up shot of the scarf for this blog post, but apparently I'm "extremely uncooperative." But aren't the lights beautiful?

And here's Jack. He's not wearing a scarf - but I wanted to show proof that uncooperativeness is genetic. (In addition to crocheting scarves, I also occasionally make up words).

If I could make all the scarves over again (my husband would KILL me) I would want to make infinity scarves. Here's my attempt at getting this straight scarf to pass as one. Sorry I look all orange in this pic- that's because I'm sitting in the car with the dome light on taking the picture with my phone. Seriously, it looks like I rolled around in Doritos or something. If you look closely, you can see my husband trying to Photo-Bomb (off to the right). And please don't be alarmed; we were stopped at a red light - he's a very responsible driver.

So there you go. My first (and probably only) Pinterest Project Post. Not too exciting, but hey, I had fun. I hope to see you all on Pinterest soon! : )

Bisquik Birthday!

2011-10-27T09:46:00.000-07:00

This week we celebrated Hope's 10th birthday - double digits!!

Breakfast is her favorite meal of the day, so we wanted to do a special birthday breakfast for her.

Pancakes are her favorite breakfast food - so we wanted to incorporate that into her special breakfast.

Pancakes.... Breakfast.... Birthday.... boom!

My husband had an epiphany.

How about a Pancake Cake? Brilliant!

I added - how about a 10 layer pancake cake since she's 10 years old? Also brilliant!

We made the the pancakes the night before and then re-heated them that morning.

Hope was thrilled and I think a new tradition has been born.

Behold.... the 10-Pancake Pancake-Cake:


Behold the Biskquik Brilliance...


All 10 layers of yumminess....


A little cut-away view...

It was glorious (and deeee-licious)! AND! It was cheap and easy (two of my favorite adjectives). Yay for Biskquik birthdays!!

Blink...

2011-07-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

Jack had his last day of Preschool VBS today.

His last big event as a preschooler. I started thinking about the fact that he's going to start elementary school and how different it's going to be...

No more naptime.

No more snack.

No more Mother's Day Tea parties.

It feels a little strange. It actually brought on a little panic....

See, people always tell you that it goes by really fast.

And I realized today....

It really does go by fast.

And once it's gone, you can't get it back.

Today marks the end of preschool. Tomorrow will be the end of college.

You blink and it's over....

Time is precious...

Ivory Soap. Who Knew, Right?!

2011-06-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

So I saw this done on a blog that I love, love LOVE called Housing a Forest, and thought it looked like fun. We highly recommend it. All you need is a bar of Ivory Soap and a microwave.

Watch our video.

It's cool.

Here's a still shot of the soap cloud. (be careful when you first take it out because it's a little hot).

You can use the soap cloud to make "soap paint" for the kids' baths. Here's the link to the recipe for the soap paint. I tried it and Jack loved it!

Good.Clean.Fun. (and it only cost 97 cents!)

I ♥ Goodwill

2011-06-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

And no....

I'm not referring to the whole goodwill toward men thing. Although I'm a fan of that too and it's my belief that we don't see enough of it.

But that's a post for another day...

I'm referring to the retail experience I had at the Goodwill today.

I love cozy.

I love soft, yellow light.

I love pictures.

I love pretty lamps.

And today I found one.

A lamp, that is.

For $8.

Boom.

♥♥♥

This just makes me want to drink hot cocoa and play Christmas carols.

DIY Summer Scientists... Fun (No, really. It was FUN!!)

2011-06-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I saw this on Pinterest - another DIY. But hey! This time it really WAS simple, cheap, fast and fun. I was so excited!

Most people probably already know this little kid-pleaser, but it's new to me so I'll share it.

What you need:

1. White Vinegar
2. Dishwashing soap (I used lemon Joy)
3. Food Coloring
4. Baking Soda
5. A Clear glass (or clear plastic)
6. A tray to catch all the run off

The directions I read said to pour the vinegar first (fill the glass to the half-way point). Add a few drops of dishwashing soap and some food coloring; then stir it all together.

Drop a heaping spoonful of baking soda in the glass. Stand back and watch the smiles on the kids faces.

It worked.... But we found a variation that yielded a more dramatic effect.

1. Squeeze a few drops of dishwashing soap in the empty glass.
2. Drop in a heaping spoonful of baking soda (we used a LOT).
3. Add some food coloring (we used a LOT to make the color more vibrant).
4 Pour in some vinegar and watch it go!

Either way, it's fun, fast and pretty cheap. We actually had everything in the house already so it didn't cost us anything. My kids are 9 and 5 and they both really enjoyed it. Here's some pics...

Here they are. They're thinking that I'm about to set them up for another miserable craft experience (see prior blog entry for details on that). Note the trays - you're going to want something like that to catch the runoff (otherwise you'll have a huge mess)

The first time around we followed the original instructions (adding the baking soda to the vinegar). The reaction was okay - but it was much better when we did it the second time (adding the vinegar to the baking soda)

Jack is beginning to get into it here (I love his little face)...

Hope takes her turn next...

Now we start adding the vinegar to a big pile of baking soda (the reactions from both the glass and the kids got bigger and better)

Must.Add.More.Vinegar.

Boom!

Sigh.... So much fun.

Free. Fast. Fun.

Oh, and a little added bonus.... The combination of the baking soda and vinegar totally made the glasses sparkle. Seriously - I have the worst water/mineral stains on my glassware (ga-ross). This little experiment totally removed the stains. Again, most people probably already know about this little benefit, but I was completely clueless.

Try it. You'll like it!

Exposing The Dark Underbelly of the Crafting World

2011-06-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

So lots of things have come together to create what can only be called:

The Perfect Storm.

1. It's summer.

2. I'm home with the kids.

3. I want to do fun stuff with them.

4. I discovered Pinterest.

I'm seeing all these crazy awesome crafts on Pinterest and I start thinking to myself: "These crafts are oh-so-cute! I've got to try some of them!! It will be great. The kids and me working together, making beautiful keepsakes that will be treasured for years to come!" ( Are you picturing a heavenly glow around my kids and me huddled over a beautiful project? can you hear the angels singing?)

I know I can do this. After all, all the tutorials say they're "oh.so.easy.""

Alright friends. I'm just going to say this....

This is for all you non-crafters/wannabe crafters/soon-to-be-crafters. You paying attention?

Good - because this is important.

Whenever you see the word "easy" in a craft tutorial - what they're really telling you is: "You are about to embark on a mission that is utterly unwinnable. You will be injured. There Will Be Blood. You will be reduced to tears and will have to fight the urge to run straight to the freakin' Nut Hut.

Oh - and it will look like crap when you're done."

Yeah.

No Heavenly glow.

No angels singing.

But more on that later....

What I want to do now is post the pictures from the only somewhat-successful craft venture I've had so far.

Once I have finished composing my thoughts (which is code for: recovering from the insanity that is "crafting") I will put pen to paper (or keys to computer screen) and fill you in on the deets. Not to give anything away but..... it's pathetic. paTHETic.

So today the kids and I decided to try the whole "make your own crayons in fun shapes and colors" thing.

The only prep work is to to unwrap all your old, broken crayons, break them into little pieces and put them in a cute little tray like this one. EASY! (yeah, see what I did there?)

Then you put them in the oven at 250 degrees for "15 minutes." "You won't believe how quickly the crayons melt." (Seriously, you won't believe it).

Take them out of the oven - be sure to use oven mitts! (I know I didn't really need to say that but I wanted an excuse to post Jack's picture because I think he's the cutest thing ever).

Let them cool for a "few minutes. They set up right away and pop out super easy!" (I'm getting hives from all the lies I'm telling)
They're cute, colorful, the "kids will love them." (as long as they don't have any other toy, television or electronic gaming device within reach).

"And the best part is, you can make dozens and dozens and DUH-zens of them with just a few little broken ol' piceces of crayon that you have lying around the house." (You know what, I can't even reSPOND to that one).

What you're seeing here are the fruits of our labor. Note that it is significantly less than dozens and dozens and dozens. But at least we got a few....

So that about sums up our DIY Crayon Redux project. As I mentioned earlier, I have a lot more to add - but need a few days to recover - uh, I mean - organize my thoughts. I'm so overwhelmed by the feelings brought on by this experience that I need to take a few steps back from it (yeah - away from the craft and straight toward the Psych Ward).

To be continued...

Shopping with Idiots.

2011-05-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

(DISCLAIMER: It is not my intent to offend the male popluation with this blog entry. I am merely re-capping a series of events - and my inablity to keep my mouth shut in the face of such events. Alright. You may proceed.)

I'm at Home Depot. I need to buy a couple props for a video shoot. The video is about a construction worker, so I need a vest and a hard hat.

I'm standing there, deliberating over which vest to get when I hear someone snickering behind me. I turn to look - and about 3 feet away from me are two guys. Just standing there, laughing.

At.Me.

Mr. Bigmouth grins at me, rolls his eyes and says, "Well would ya look at that. A chick. At a harware store. Buying CLOTHES. Typical."

Mr. Bigmouth's stunt double guffaws and says, "Yeah. Uh.... typical."

I give them a tight-lipped smile, and take a step toward them. I then remember my manners, turn on my heel and walk away.

Fast forward about 5 minutes.

I'm at the self-checkout line. I see that, in the next aisle over, Dumb and Dumber (aka Mr. Bigmouth and his stunt double) are also in a self-checkout line.

They are at their register - I am still waiting for the two people in front of me to take their turns.

The first person in my line finishes up and the line moves forward. Beavis and Butthead are still at their register. Apparently their purchase is taking a while.

The second person in line finishes up and it's now my turn. I glance over and and see that the Wonder Twins are still at war with their register.

I pay for my items, bag them up and begin walking toward the door. I look over and see that Bill & Ted are still trying to conquer their register and pay for their stuff (3 tubes of Liquid Nails and 2 tubs of spackle to be exact).

I walk over to them, stand about three feet away and just smile. They are arguing about how to use the register. It's clear that they can't figure out how to make a work.

They look up and I smile at them. I say, "Well would ya look at that. Two dudes. At a computer. And they don't know how to use it. Typical."

With that, I turn around and walk out; leaving them there to bask in their stupidity.

Look who's laughing now...

No Sacrifice is too Great....

2011-02-15T18:45:00.000-08:00

(A little background if you don't already know: Hope is 9 and Jack is 4)

I asked Hope what she did at school today.

She said that they're talking about what it means to give sacrificially. She went on to tell me that the teacher talked about Christ's love for us, and how much He has sacrificed for us; how He gave up what He loved most in order save us.

As an application exercise, each child had to bring their favorite stuffed animal to school today and leave it there for a few days. The idea being that they experience what it's like to give up something they love.

I was pleased to see that she seemed to be getting so much out of the lesson and the exercise.

Beaming with pride for my sweet girl, I asked her if it was hard to leave her favorite stuffed animal at school.

The moment was lost when she responded by saying, "Nope, not at all. I took Jack's favorite stuffed animal."

I get the feeling she didn't get the purpose of the exercise... I hope that Jack's preschool teacher will be teaching on forgiveness tomorrow.

((sigh...))

Daddy - Daughter Dating Dialogue

2011-02-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

(Some of you have already read this on my husband's Facebook page, but I thought it warranted repeating.)

So Hope (who is 9) and Kurt are having a serious talk in the kitchen.

He says to her, "Now Hope, you know that you can't date until you're..."

She cuts him off with a roll of her eyes and retorts, "I know, I'know - I can't date till I'm like 45."

Kurt laughs and says, "You know I'm just kidding when I say that, right?"

"Yea" Hope responds slowly.

Kurt continues, "We'll probably let you double date when you're around 16. You know what double dating is?"

With renewed interest in the conversation, Hope says “Is that with two guys?”

I...... am so proud. ♥

2010 in Review - as told by our Facebook Status Updates

2010-12-24T08:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is the Goble version of the “Annual Christmas Letter.”
These are the highlights of 2010, as told by our Facebook Status Updates.

(Please don’t judge…)

JANUARY
Coffee of the day is: Jet Fuel (by Coffee People). It’s delightful. And extremely... caffeinated. Seriously. I’m really... Awake. This is good because Jack woke me up at 5:45 this morning and said, “Momma, I’m getting older and my voice is changing so I need to be awake and playing toys, not asleep in my smooshy bed.” ((sigh)) Don’t ask. I have NO idea where he gets this stuff.

Having dinner without one of the kids gagging/barfing at the table would be fantastic. It’s the simple things…

To the lady I caught with her face and hands pressed against my living room window looking into my house this morning: please don’t tap on the glass. I find the noise unsettling. Oh, and just because a house is for sale doesn’t mean that you can stalk its residents. Oh, and wash your face. You left a big grease stain on my window.

FEBRUARY
My coffee is ready, the couch is available and facebook is on the computer. All ready to commence with a little “me” time when Jack walks up to me and says, “Momma, will you please hold me?” My coffee is now cold and untouched, the computer went into hibernation mode and the cat has taken over my space on the couch. But who cares?! I got 20 minutes of snuggles from my little man. Life is so, so good…

HOPE: What happens if somebody gets too many speeding tickets?
KURT: They could get their license taken away.
HOPE: How would they get home?
KURT: Well, the officer wouldn’t take it away right then and there. They would have to go to court at some point and then the judge would take their license away.
HOPE: Okay, well, how would they get home from court?

MARCH
Hope is making purple pancakes, Kurt is cleaning purple food coloring off the counter, Jack is running around screaming “Purrrrrrrrple!” and I am leaving these Flying Purple Pancake Eaters to go play some serious Bunco in my pajamas (sadly, they are not purple).

Let’s be honest… sometimes kids just smell kinda bad.

Jack’s take on why we celebrate Easter: “Momma, on Easter we cheer for Jesus because He came away from the deadness. ((pause)) And coming away from the deadness is a BIG deal.”

Kurt is gonna wear shorts to church. Pink ones. He loves California.

APRIL
Great day spent with Kurt, the kids and my awesome First Christian Church family. Best.Easter.Ever.

Jack told me that he would snuggle with me on the couch if we could watch SpongeBob. We are now watching a SpongeBob marathon.

Personal space people, PERSONAL SPACE!

Heidi feels stupid because she took her son to his friend’s birthday party… a day early.

MAY
How is it possible that Jack is turning 4 tomorrow?

Gourmet veggie pizza, puppet-show theater put on by the kids, crazy bedtime stories and lots of laughs with Hope. Tonight’s been a good, good night.

Hope and Jack watched me open my Mother’s Day gift. As I was holding the gift in my lap, Jack asked (with his eyes glued to the gift I had just opened), “Ummm, Momma? When is Brother’s Day?”

Why is it that the only time I run into people I know at the grocery store is when I’m wearing pajamas and no make-up? Stupid poetic justice...

Feeling so blessed. So thankful…

JUNE
Morning just isn’t morning without a little clothes drama.

Jack just told Heidi that she’s big and handsome. She finds this troubling…

Dear God: Please help this kid realize that if he stops trying to force his way and starts concerning himself with pleasing me, his life will be so much happier.
Dear Kurt: Ditto.

Kurt, Hope and Jack make everything better.

JULY
Earthquake – 5.9!

So I was just told that the World Cup is NOT a competition referring to the World’s Best Cup of Coffee. I won’t lie; I’m pretty shook up about this.

Toy Story 3. Perfection.

Jack shoved one of his little green army men into the vent/grille under our refrigerator and it got stuck. Still reeling from watching Toy Story 3, Kurt and I were ready to take the entire refrigerator apart to free that little green army man. Tears were nearly shed. Army Man is now running free with his band of brothers. No toy left behind, people. No toy left behind. Victory is ours…

AUGUST
Hope leaves for her first trip to camp tomorrow – how is that possible? A whole week away – she’s so excited! ((sniff, sniff))

16 years ago I married the absolute best man in the entire world. Happy Anniversary Kurt – I love you!

HOPE: Dad, when we get home from camp we won’t have much time to do laundry before we have to leave for vacation and all my clothes are going to smell like squirrel poop.

Heidi told Jack he could choose what they have for dinner. So they had jelly tacos.

SEPTEMBER
Heidi thought of her Mom a lot today. Said good-bye 8 years ago… Very thankful for the time they got to share…

One day we’ll have Heaven. Joy will prevail and everything that is wrong with this world will be made right. But for now we have Del Taco.

Went to a barbeque last night. While our friend Bob prayed for dinner, I hear Jack shout out “Why is everyone sleeping?!”

Heidi is baking the Minnesota way. Baking cookies in a 9x13 pan and calling them bars.

OCTOBER
KURT: Jack, will you hurry up and go?
JACK: I gotta go poop.
KURT: Well then go poop. But hurry up, it’s bedtime!
JACK: Well I need a magazine!

New tradition in the Goble household: Every Wednesday is Speak-with-a-British-Accent-Day. It’s fun, family friendly and it’s free! So Bligh Me! Pip-pip, Cheerio, God save the Queen and all that sort of thing…

Happy Birthday to my beautiful girl – she is 9 years old today!

Heidi is still sick and has no voice at all. She’s totally unable to talk. No words whatsoever. In other news, Kurt is walking around in the greatest mood ever. Could the two be connected? This cynic thinks so…

NOVEMBER
Heidi overheard Hope singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun at the top of her lungs while taking a bath. Her cup runneth over…

Kurt is thankful that his heart, lungs and liver are not in a bag that has been inserted in his rear end. (this is a reference to the Thanksgiving turkey – given how bizarre this status update is, I thought it warranted some contextualizing…)

Heidi is sitting on a bench in the shade at Disneyland, drinking coffee and people-watching while Kurt takes the kids on the Matterhorn. So nice…

We were at Disneyland yesterday and Jack heard the announcer say to “let your imagination soar!” Flash forward to this morning. He walks up to me with a big frown. I ask him what’s wrong and he says, “My imagination is sore.”

DECEMBER
After much research, I have come to the conclusion that caffeine truly is the nectar of Heaven. On a less exciting note, I have also found iron clad evidence that eating too many jelly bellies will in fact produce a jelly belly.

If crappy cooking were a super power, Heidi would rule the world.

Kids. Kurt. Christmas music. Christmas decorating. Cozy fire. Completely perfect.

Can’t wait to see what 2011 brings!
Hope you have a wonderful holiday season…
Merry Christmas!

Plan B Birthday....

2010-11-26T09:27:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday.

I've been looking forward to this day for a while.

I had everything all planned.

We were going take the kids to see Tangled.

We were going to hang out and bake turkey cookies (you know, were you cut out the shape of your hand, bake it and frost it like a turkey).

We were going to build a fire and play board games.

Then, tonight, we were going to go out with friends for sushi.

I got up before anyone else, so I settled in on the couch to drink coffee, watch old episodes of the X-Files and wait for the kids to wake up so we could get this day started.

Kurt and Hope got up first.

Hope and I were chatting about how excited we were to see Tangled when we heard Jack stirring in his room. Kurt went to go get him.

I was in the middle of telling Hope how excited I was about our plans when I heard Kurt shout, "Heidi, Jack threw up in his bed!"

Eeeeeew....

I go in his room and find that the poor kid, his pillow, bed and stuffed animales were caked in barf. He had done it at some point during the night and then just slept in it.

The smell was so strong that the paint was beginning to peel off the walls.

I knew immediately that my birthday plans were not to be. I was so disappointed. I've been looking forward to his day for such a long time. I feel bad admitting this, but I was so irritated. I mean, really, who wants to clean up barf on their birthday?

I took Jack to the bathroom to get him in the tub. He was so sad..... Shivering, sick and smelly.... I washed him all up and wrapped him up in a blanket that Kurt had put in the dryer so it would be really warm. He looked up at me with his big, blue eyes and said (with a quivering chin), "Happy Birthday Momma. I love you..."

Tears..... (mine, not his)

How I love this family.

And I can honestly say that I'm perfectly content to stay home, cleaning dried barf out of my four year old's ears.

It's not the way I'd planned it, but I can't imagine being anywhere but right here, right now...

So Plan B stands for Barf, but it also stands for "Better than I could have Imagined."

My Voice has Been Stilled. . .

2010-10-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

I love blogging.

I want to blog.

I want you to read my blog.

But I've got nothing to blog about.

This is the worst case of Writer's Block I've ever had.

Sigh...

My Calm has been Damaged.

2010-10-05T20:03:00.001-07:00

It's been a ridiculous evening.

I picked up Jack from school just in time to hear him yelling at his teacher.

FABulous.

So I took away his Nintendo Wii privileges and he had a meltdown.

BEAUtiful.

We drove home with the sounds of Goble's Concerto in D Minor (which sounded a lot like weeping and wailing) rattling the windows of the car.

SUPER.

We got home and Hope told me that she couldn't finish her math quiz today because she ran out of time. I told her that she ran out of time because she needs to work on her multiplication facts. She started sobbing about in injustice of it all and stomped off to her room.

PERfect.

I started emptying the dishwasher and cut the end of my thumb on a steak knife.

AWEsome.

I went into the bathroom to get a bandaid and saw Jack sitting as far back on the toilet as he could, trying to pee ON the toilet seat so that he could "make funny pee circles" with his fingers.

LOVEly.

I got Jack and the toilet seat all cleaned up and I walked into the laundry room to put the pee-soaked towels in the washer. I saw that Georgia (our new cat) left her litter box prematurely and had a little cling-on stuck to her butt.

JOYous Rapture.

I removed the stinky from Georgia's butt and flushed it down the toilet. After 5 minutes of washing my hands, I made my way into the kitchen where Hope has just burned a bag of microwave popcorn.

So now my house smells like cat crap and burnt popcorn.

FanTAStic.

I dumped the burnt popcorn into the already overflowing garbage can. I closed up the garbage bag and pulled it out of the can. I carried it into the garage and just before I got there, the bottom of the bag opened up and doused my feet in garbage water.

OUTstanding.

It's been a ridiculous evening.

Sigh....

More than Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dogs' Tails

2010-09-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

My son Jack is 4 years old.

He is ALL boy.

He's hilarious, strong-willed, loving, stubborn, wonderful, frustrating... You get the idea.

He's a sweet little kid, but not always super lovey-dovey. Like I said, he's all boy.

Well, his preschool teacher at church pulled me aside several weeks ago and told me that she needed to speak with me about Jack.

No good conversation ever begins with, "I need to tell you about something Jack said..."

So I took a deep breath and braced myself for the worst.

She told me that she was talking with Jack about me and Kurt. She asked him to tell her what his mommy and daddy look like.

I immediately thought, "Oh snap - this is going to be BAD."

Jack said to her, "Well, my dad is tall and he has black hair."

Okay, I thought to myself - that's pretty close to what he looks like. Maybe this won't be so bad.

And then she asked him what I looked like.

I started sweating, willing the conversation to end. After hearing about how violently Jack has complained about my singing and my cooking, I could only imagine what he has to say about my appearance. Especially my Early-Morning-Pre-Coffee appearance.

I smiled at her and closed my eyes, steeling myself against whatever she had to say.

When asked what I looked like, Jack responded with,

"My Momma looks like a pretty dress."

Tears....

Sometimes they surprise you. ♥

Horror Hotel; Part II

2010-09-08T16:38:00.001-07:00

RATED: PG-13
(don't say I didn't warn you...)

It's the morning after the Phinneas and Ferb 911 fiasco (see prior entry for details on that).

As I mentioned in my previous post, our kids were in one hotel room - and we were in the adjoining room. The door that connected our two rooms was always open so that we could keep an eye on the kids and so that they could run around.

Our rooms were set up so that the televsision sets from each room backed up to each other.

Our beds were on the far sides of each room; so the beds in the kids' room backed up against the wall of someone else's room.

We got up early that morning because we had a long drive ahead of us and we wanted to get an early start.

We were on our way to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. I looked down at Hope and asked her how she slept.

She said, "Oh, I slept okay - but it took me a while to get to sleep."

"Oh? Well, it's hard to get used to sleeping in a different bed, in a different place."

"I guess" she said. "But that's not why it took me a long time to get to sleep."

Intrigued, I ask "Why did it take you a long time to get to sleep honey? Were you scared? Mom and Dad were right there with you and the door was open the whole time - you could have just come in and gotten me."

"I wasn't scared" she said flatly.

(Now, at this point, I should have changed the subject. I should have left well enough alone. I should have shut my mouth. But do I do that? Nooooo. )

I press on with my inquiry into why she had such trouble falling asleep.

"Well honey, I know you were tired. So if you weren't scared, then why was it so hard for you to fall asleep?"

She came back with, "The people in the next room were kinda loud."

CRAP.

"Oh?" I asked, hoping she didn't notice the dread that has filled my voice.

"Yeah. They kept kicking the wall."

(I was at a loss. I honestly didn't know what to say).

"They were mad at each other too" she said, matter of factly.

Foolishly, I asked, "Why do you think they were mad at each other?"

"Because they kept yelling."

(Of course they did).

"It was weird because they would be kicking the wall and yelling and then they'd start laughing. Then I'd hear them kicking the wall again. It was really irritating."

(Oh dear... What do I say)?

"Hmmm..... Well, maybe they were just moving the furniture in the room or something." I offer up as my lame (and desperate) attempt to end the conversation.

Hope had her own theory. "I think they were playing Wall Ball."

(I grabbed onto that life line and held on for dear life).

"I bet you're right Hope! That's probably exACTly what they were doing!"

We finished breakfast and headed back to our room to check it one more time before we leaving to head home. It was still really early.

I stood in the kids' room, glaring at the wall behind their beds, mentally chewing out the people on the other side of it.

Kurt walked into the room and said, "Okay kids - take your shoes off and jump on the beds for 2 minutes!"

I started to protest, thinking that it was really early and they might wake the neighbors with all their jumping and yelling.

They might wake the neighbors.

Those stinkin' wall ball playin', furniture movin' neighbors.

Turnabout is fair play, right?

With an evil grin, I said, "Make it 5 minutes, kids. And yell as loud as you want."

Horror Hotel

2010-09-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

It was our last night of vacation and the kids' first time staying in a hotel.

We got adjoining rooms and left the connecting doors open.

The kids were in heaven. They had their own room, their own TV, they each had their own bed... They thought it was the best thing ever.

Until they turned the TV on.

Kurt and I were unpacking the car when Jack came tearing into our room with a look of desperation on his face.

Out of breath he shouts, "Mommy, call 911!"

I feel all the blood rush to my head and my heart drops. I run into their room imagining one horrific possibility after another.

I'm shaking all over as I take in the scene in front of me.

Hope is sitting quietly on the bed, TV remote in hand, flipping through the channels.

Where's the blood? Where's the carnage? Where's the emergency???

Jack rushes into the room still shouting, "We have to call 911!"

Gritting my teeth, voice shaking, I glare down at him and ask, "Why do we need to call 911?"

He looks up at me, his face full of panic and says, "Because they don't have Phineus and Ferb on this TV!"

Apparently there's a Difference

2010-08-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

ME: Jack, don't climb on the furniture.

(30 seconds later...)

ME: Jack, I said don't climb on the furniture.

JACK: Okay Mom.

(30 seconds later...)

ME: JACK!!! Don't climb on the furniture!!

JACK: I'm not! I'm climbing OFF the furniture!

sigh...

No Words...

2010-06-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

Please pray for my friends Chuck and Vicki Gillette.

Their first grandchild was born in Australia on June 18th. His name is Evan Riley.

He was born with severe complications and will not survive.

Here is Vicki's status update from her Facebook page this morning.

"With heavy hearts Chuck & I leave SeaTac today 1pm for Australia, arr Sun 4:30p PDT. Nothing docs can do for little Evan. In a coma, can't survive w/o ventilator, severe internal organ failure. Hope he hangs on so we can hold, cuddle, pray, sing, kiss his sweet face, & have some Grandparent time. Pray especially for Kara & Glenn as they release him to Jesus. We are hurting. God is still God."

I can't imagine their pain. Please say a prayer for them and their family.

What?! So Much for Healthy Choices. . .

2010-06-17T07:45:00.001-07:00

I love dessert. It's my favorite food group.

Well, given my fondness for dessert and my, uh..... lack of fondness for exercise and moderation, I eat diet desserts to avoid the rip-cord effect on my waist line.

So, yay! Diet Desserts!! Such a great idea!

I've started eating them and have found that I really love them.

A lot.

But, I've discovered a problem with them.

Apparently, they're not really dietetic. I mean, I'm eating them (instead of brownies, bars and banana splits) but I'm not losing any weight.

I even checked the nutrition facts on the label. It said, very clearly, that there's only 140 calories per serving.

And the serving size is 1.

Right.

So I ate one box of ice cream sandwhiches and I gained like two pounds.

Sigh....

You Scratch My Back and I'll Scr. . . and I'll Say Thank You.

2010-06-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

The Ultimate Problem Solver

2010-06-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

I saw this quote (author unknown), thought it was brilliant and wanted to share it with you.

If you don't like it, then just follow the instructions outlined in the quote.

"Handle every stressful situation like a dog.

If you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away."

Words to live by, my friends.

Words to live by.

Be Careful What You Wish For. . .

2010-06-03T09:07:00.001-07:00

After seeing what Daddy was cookin' up for dinner, Hope and Jack decided that I'm not such a terrible cook after all...

A Mother's Prayer. . .

2010-05-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,

Thank you for putting long stems on the Hi-Ho Cherry-Oh cherries.

The stems make it easy to quickly pull the cherry out of a screaming 4 year old's ear.

So, thanks.

Good lookin' out on Your part.

Amen.

Some New Favorite Things

2010-04-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

I thought I would hurry up and post a new blog entry so that the ugly one will not be the first one you see when you visit my blog. Ugliness is a part of life - but the more I dwell on it, the longer the wounds shays fresh, and the longer I'm hurt by it. So! We're movin' on to something happier.

Here is a list of some of my new Favorite Things:

1. Words with Friends - it's an iPhone app. It's free. It's Scrabble. It will take over your life. Get it and play me - my user name is heidigirlhb.

2. How to Train Your Dragon - fantastic movie. We took our 4 year old - he was a little scared a few times but overall really dug it.

3. My Keurig coffee maker - this has been lifechanging!!! Coffee just how you want it in 5 seconds. No more waiting for a new pot to brew. I have officially left the Dark Ages.

4. Chuck - Oh man. This is my new television addicition. This show... I can't even tell you how much I LOVE it. Monday nights at 8:00 on NBC. So entertaining. So easy to follow. Soooo good.

5. Castle - Oh Man times two! My other new television addiction. Seriously! Snappy dialog - cool plotlines (The premise is that a murder/mystery/macabre author gets to tag along with a detective on murder investigations to get plots for his upcoming books). Monday nights at 1o:00 on ABC. Check it out - you will NOT be disappointed.

6. Pink's Grammy performance of Glitter in the Air - DISCLAIMER: Not for kids. Let me just say this: if I could have anyone's voice - I would want hers. And apparently, she's an acrobat too. And not just ANY acrobat. She's a singing/swimming acrobat. BUT! This performance is very Circu du Solei-ish and I don't think it's appropriate for kids. I'm just puttin' that out there. But, it's on Youtube - you should check it out. It's AMAZING.

7. Educational vidoes on Youtube. Yeah, yeah, this sounds like zzzzzzz..... material. But! I'm in the process of building a website (something I have NO clue how to do) and you would not believe the educational material that's available for free on Youtube - especially when making a CMS site using Wordpress. Good stuff.

8. Those eyeshadow kits that come with 4 colors and instructions on how to put the eyeshadow on your eyes (because I have no idea what color goes where). I got a good one from L"Oreal that even has little pictures to go along with the instructions - yessss!

9. Burt's Beeswax lip balm. This stuff is awesome - and it's pepperminty. Love it.

10. Trios - building blocks from Fisher Price. These have provide my son with hours of entertainment. He makes monsters, cars, building, you name it. He loves them - which means, I love them. They're fun for adults to play too.

Things Aren't Always What They Seem . . .

2010-04-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

It really stinks when you find out that a friend you've known for years and years isn't who they appear to be.

When you find out that they're talking about you behind your back - and then lying to your face to cover it up.

Sometimes people just stink.

Conditions

2010-04-15T16:36:00.001-07:00

It's bed time and I'm saying goodnight to the kids.

ME: Hopey, have a good night sleep - I love you soo much!

HOPE: I love you too Momma! Even more today than yesterday.

(sigh of contentment)

(walk into Jack's room)

ME: Jack-Jack, have a good night sleep buddy - I love you soo much!

JACK: Night.

ME: I love you buddy!

(Jack gives me a big smile but no verbal response)

ME: Jack! Don't you want to tell Momma you love her too?

(pause as he stares intently into my face...)

JACK: Do you have any jellybeans?

ME: No honey, I don't have any jellybeans.

JACK: Night mom.

Sigh...

Don't Be Offended...

2010-04-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

Okay - dislcaimer time.

If you're easily offended - don't read the rest of this post.

Another thing to keep in mind - I'm currently experiencing a shortage of blog fodder. So, this is the best I could do...

Okay.

You may proceed. (but remember what I said about being easily offended).

So this is the brand of toilet seat covers that we use at work.

Everytime I look at the name I giggle just a little bit.

Take the words apart a little bit and see if you don't have a little giggle too.

Still don't see what I'm referring to?

Rest ur A.....

(giggle)

Hey - lighten up.

The Bathroom. . . is NOT a Telephone Booth.

2010-03-26T16:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry - but it's just not okay to call me from a toilet.

I love talking to people on the phone (well, maybe not ALL people...)

But not when they're on the toilet.

Seriously.

Can I GET an Amen?!

How is it Possible that I Did Not Know About This?

2010-03-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

Seriously?

How long have these been out?

Have you tried them?

Are they as good as I think they're going to be?

I'm at a loss for words in the face of such beauty...

Maybe She's Born with it. . . Maybe it's. . . No, She was Definitely Born with it.

2010-03-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

After one too many awkward moments at the Clinique counter (click here for details), I decided to give drug-store foundation a try. (And, awkard moments aside, I'm kind of tired of spending that much money for a tiny little bottle of make-up - no matter how many miracles it has worked on my face).

As I was browsing the aisle full of foundations, I was struck by the unrealistic names they gave each of the different shades.

Classic Ivory, Creamy Natural, Soft Honey, Warm Beige....

Really?

As I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, I couldn't help but think that finding a foundation to match the shade of my skin was going to be next to impossible.

I searched high and low but couldn't find anything that would do. There was nothing even close. No shades called Pale & Pastey, Splotchy or Ruddy. They didn't even have anything like Sickly-Vampire, Grayish, or Motley.

Sigh...

Well, necessity is the mother of invention, right?

So I bought the Classic Ivory, some blusher, a light gray eye shadow and some iodine (I thought the iodine would really make it pop). I figured that if I mix them all together, I could probably get a good match to my skin.

Watch out Smart, Beautiful, CoverGirl. You've got some competition.

HeidiGirl Cosmetics - Unnatural is the new Natural.

The Inspiration of Elephants

2010-02-24T16:14:00.000-08:00

I don't normally share these kinds of stories - as they are a bit too sentimental for me - but someone shared it with me and I just felt that it needed to be told. It is truly inspiring.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University...

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.

The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Evidently, it wasn't the same elephant.

___________________

Disney's Weight Loss Strategy

2010-02-17T09:47:00.000-08:00

This is a booth at the Innoventions building at Disneyland.

It's one of those things that is both horrific - and riveting. (click on the photo to appreciate it's true horror).

I have made this photo into a poster and mounted it on the outside of my refrigerator - which of course means I'm eating a lot less.

Well, I'm eating a lot less - at home.

I guess even Walt can't think of everything...

Encouragement for a Disgruntled Drama Queen

2010-02-08T10:55:00.000-08:00

Two things before you read this post:

1. Uh, NO - I'M actually not the Drama Queen this time.

2. If your name is Nancy or Jane, I apologize in advance.

Alright, you may proceed....

So we went out for dinner and Hope has to use the restroom.

We walk in and see two girls standing by the sinks. One of them is all fancied up (hair and make-up, etc) and the other one is rather plain. Fancy girl is crying hysterically and yanking bobby-pin after bobby-pin out of her now drooping, fancy hair.

Hope steps into her little bathroom stall and I lean against the wall, my eyes glued to the scene unfolding in front of me. The girls seem completely oblivious to my presence.

Plain Jane is trying to console Fancy Nancy - but Fancy Nancy is having none of it and continues to yank bobby-pins out of her hair.

Plain Jane tries to rub Fancy Nancy's shoulders and tell her that "the judges were total idiots - they were just, like, blind ya know?"

Fancy Nancy slaps Plain Jane's hands away and screams " OMG, you're not helping!"

(For the record, she actually said the letters O.M.G.)

Plain Jane doesn't seem to mind this somewhat violent rejection and continues in her quest to soothe Fancy Nancy's wounded spirit. She says,

"You are beautiful and you have so much going for you. The judges were just uncapable to see the sheer majesty of your personification and, like, stature. They totally don't know how, like, smart you are or how, like, intelligent you are and, like, staturesque you are."

(Wait.... what?)

Fancy Nancy looks down into Plain Jane's face and says, "They didn't, did they.... OH YEAH. And neither do I because I don't even know what you are SAYING! SHUT UP - YOU'RE NOT HELPING!"

(Ooooh, this is getting good - I begin hoping that Hope has to do some serious business in the bathroom so that I can stay a little longer and watch the show. Plain Jane's ability to speak without saying anything is fascinating - as is her resiliance to Fancy Nancy's abuse.)

Plain Jane does not seem to notice Fancy Nancy's contempt for her and prattles on mindlessly. She clears her throat, takes a deep breath, tilts her head back slightly, and with her eyes closed and eyebrows raised, she declares,

"You have the ability to move people. Really (she pauses and inhales deeply through her nose) ... move them, ya know? And those judges? They're just on, like, another plane of reality. The kind of plane that, like.... just doesn't....... move. They don't understand your power of effervescence (said in a whisper-shout while waving her hands in front of her as if she was drawing a circle). It doesn't move their plane so it's their mistake. It's a mistake that will, like, manifest all kinds of, like, trauma and moral fortitude. You just... didn't move their plane."

(Dude.... this girl is awesome.)

Fancy Nancy spins around so she is facing Plain Jane - her blue eyes blazing, and her mouth twisted into a vicious sneer.

(Yessss - they're gonna fight!)

She leans into Plain Jane's face and says, "Really? Is that why I lost? Because I can't move planes? But I'm so pretty! Planes shouldn't have anything to do with it! No one told me about planes! What are you even SAYING? I'm not a (expletive) pilot - I don't know anything about moving planes!"

Fancy Nancy starts shaking all over and continues shrieking incoherently about the injustice of the judges and the fact that she's pretty and shouldn't have to know how to move planes.

(Crap, she's having a seizure, maybe I should call 911...)

In an attempt to jar Fancy Nancy out of her rapidly accelerating downward spiral of emotional pain and misery, Plain Jane suddenly embraces Fancy Nancy and says, "There, there... you're just upset. You don't know what you're saying. You need to take some time to admonish your thoughts. You need to find your place in the circle of life - find your movement. Only then will any of this make sense."

(Is that the secret? I need to admonish my thoughts and find my movement?)

Fancy Nancy shakes Plain Jane off and says, "But I'm so pretty...." and storms out of the bathroom leaving me alone with Plain Jane.

Neither one of us moved.

The silence was deafening.

At this point Plain Jane finally notices that she's had an audience during her little counseling session.

She looks at me with a smirk, rolls her eyes as she walks out the door and says, "Beauty Queens are so stupid."

My Name is Heidi Goble and I.... am a Nerd.

2010-01-31T19:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, I admit it.

I... am a total nerd.

And I'm totally okay with it. In fact - I embrace it.

Here are a few facts that support my claim:

I own every season of Star Trek: The Next Generation on DVD. I know them all by heart (I even know the title of each episode)

I LOVE anything science fiction or fantasy (Lord of the Rings, Vampires, Star Trek - it's all awesome).

My favorite birthday gift of all time (aside from sentimental family gifts, of course) is a complete set of blueprints to the The Starship Enterprise NCC-1701-D (Baker Family - I will forever love you for that).

I love to talk about inconsistencies in movies such as X-Men, Wolverine, The Matrix, etc.

My iPhone has both a Tricord app as well as a phaser app and I play with these apps on a regular basis.

I incorporate jargon from Star Trek The Next Generation into my everyday conversations. For example, I will use sci-fi speak to describe every day things. (an example might be - instead of saying "there's a crack in my windshield," I will say - "hull integrity is down to 72%" - or I will refer to a flashlight as a palm beacon - or... instead of "going poo" I will say "jettison the core").

Hmmm....

Perhaps I've said too much....

So go ahead.

Roll your eyes at me.

Shout out NerdAlert when I walk in the room.

I can take it.

But be careful...

Resistance is Futile.

My Heart, My Hope...

2010-01-26T09:34:00.000-08:00

Her voice soothes my soul

Her smile warms my heart

Her laugh brightens the darkest of days

When she sits with me and tells me everything about her day, I want to stop time so I can soak it all in

When she sits with me and doesn’t say a word, my anxieties are quieted and all seems right with the world

When she runs to me and gives me a hug, she reminds me of what’s really important

When she runs to me with tears in her eyes, she fills me with purpose

Her kindness has taught me so much

Her gentleness overwhelms me

Her ability to simply love without question moves me to tears and serves as an example of how I should love others

She’s 8 years old
She’s my daughter
She’s my teacher
She’s my world
She’s my Hope…

MAXImum Misunderstanding

2010-01-25T21:19:00.000-08:00

So I'm standing at Costco next to my overflowing cart of freshly purchased groceries. Kurt had to run to the restroom, so I'm leaning against the wall next to the ATM waiting for him.

A nice looking guy walks up to the ATM to make a transaction.

I feel him looking in my direction (he's on the left of me, and we're only about 2 feet away from each other so my personal space alerm was beginning to buzz).

I look up and see him looking at me - smiling.

Hmmmm.... he's smiling.

At me?

I look to my right, there is no one there. I look back at him.

He's still smiling at me.

I smile back and then look away.

I can't help it...

I start sportin' a satisfied grin.

Yep.

I've still got it!

Satisfied sigh....

A few seconds pass - I can feel him still staring at me.

Hmmm....

The moment of flattery has passed - now it's a little awwwwwkward.

I look him in the face - our eyes lock - and he's still smiling.

But his smile has gone from a "Hey-you're-sorta-cute-in-a-mid-thirties-frumpy-wife-and-mom-kind-of-way" smile to a "Smirky-you're-an-idiot-if-you-think-I-was-smiling-at-you-cuz-you're-cute" kind of smile.

I'm confused.

He completes his transaction and continues to smirk at me as he walks past me and my overflowing grocery cart.

And then I see it.

You know how they don't put anything in bags at Costco? They just pile it in sideless, topless boxes?

Well, in my cart, on the top of Mount GroshMore, sticking straight up for all of the world to see, basking in all of it's teal green glory....

A jumbo sized box of Maxi pads.

Oh yeah.

I've definitely still got it.

Sigh...

Sometimes You Just Need to Watch I Love Lucy...

2010-01-21T16:58:00.001-08:00

I love this show.

You should love it too.

The Howertons Need Our Help...

2010-01-17T08:51:00.000-08:00

I typically blog about lighthearted things - silly things - things that dont' really matter.

But given what's going on in the Haiti right now, I want to use my blog to spread the word about an opportunity where we can help make a difference.

There's an Orange County family trying to finalize the adoption of their son, Keanan in Haiti. Kristin (the mom) was in Haiti visiting him when the earthquake hit. They all survived and Kristen was evacuated but was forced to leave Keanan there. The Howertons are desperately trying to get him home and they need our help.

(Kristin with her son Keanan and her daughter Karis - taken about an hour before the quake hit)

In a crisis of this magnigtude, we often feel paralyzed by helplesness. The destruction is so overwhelming - the loss is so great.

But here's an opportunity where WE CAN HELP!!!

Please take a few moments to read the Howerton's blog - it provides details on what we can do to help them bring their precious boy home. It's easy - it takes very little time - and it will make a difference.
Also, pass the word along to your friends so that they can help too. The blogging community is huge, and word spreads fast. Let's use it to affect change and get this family together! If you have a blog or if you are on Facebook, post the link to their blog so that you can pass the word to even more people.
Here's the link to their blog: http://thehowertons.blogspot.com/

Don't pass on this opportunity to help this family...

I Think it's Perfectly Normal; Part XXVIII

2010-01-09T13:31:00.000-08:00

I have never had a massage and think the idea of getting one is utterly horrifying.

You can Stop Auditioning Now. No One is Hiring Village Idiots Anymore.

2010-01-06T13:44:00.000-08:00

What other people think of you is none of your business.

______________________________

I struggle so much with this statement - but it's totally true.

And seriously - isn't it just better to not know? I mean, what if the person thinks you're an idiot?
Why would you want to know that? Isn't life hard enough WITHOUT knowing that someone thinks you're an idiot?

And see the real problem is that knowing someone thinks you're an idiot is never enough.
Noooo.
We have to know WHY they think it. We have to know what we did that was so aggregious to make this person think we're an idiot.
And of course we're not going to ask them becuase it might make us feel even worse! So WE come up with the reason they think we're an idiot (without actually involving them in the conversation).

And THEN, as if that wasn't enough, we try to alter our personality/behavior to please this person who thinks we're an idiot (even though we're not really sure WHY they think we're an idiot) so that they won't think we're an idiot anymore.

And of course the real problem with THAT logic is, what if THEY'RE the idiot?
What if we're totally fine - and we change ourselves so that the idiot will like us when in reality THEY'RE the one who is totally jacked up?

We start acting just like the idiot so that the idiot won't think we're an idiot anymore, and then all our normal, non-idiot friends will dump us like radioative waste.

And WHY? Because we're being an idiot!

Sigh...

Seriously....

So do we really need to know what someone else thinks of us?

(whispered pathetically, with head lowered) YES.... Yes, unfortunately, I feel compelled to know - especially when I think the person doesn't like me.

But I'm working on it.

I realize that I'm probably the only person in the world who gets all worked up worrying about what people may or may not think of them.... do you think I'm crazy? You do, don't you?

Great! YOU think I'm crazy!

See how these things get started?

Sigh.....

Christmas Confession; Part V

2010-01-04T14:06:00.000-08:00

I have never seen
It's a Wonderful Life.

2009 in Review - as told by my Facebook Status Updates...

2009-12-26T18:11:00.000-08:00

Okay, here it is people...

This is the closest thing you'll get to an annual Christmas Letter from the Goble Family.

These are the highlights of 2009 - as they appeared in my Facebook Status Updates.

Perhaps reading this will give you a glimpse into the crazy world that is my life.

January

Heidi is troubled. Jack (age 2) just told her he's going Mountain Climbing in Hope's room after he builds a big campfire under her bed. Should I be worried?

Heidi is not crazy.

Heidi just heard her son speak the 8 most dreaded words in the english language: "Mom! I dropped my poop in the tub!" Gotta go clean it up. Crap. (No pun intended).

Heidi rocked her sweet little Jack-Jack to sleep tonight. A rare treat, now that he's 2 years old; one that I will hold onto forever.

February

Heidi is torn. Happy cuz Jack sings in perfect pitch. Sad b'cuz he sang the song "I Wanna be like Other Girls!" (from Mulan 2) at full voice in the middle of Target.

Heidi has a sweet little girl. She's reading stories 2 her baby brother while he sits patiently on the Big Boy Potty waiting for the potty to "hurry up and get here."

The Tooth Fairy was up cleaning the house till 1 AM and forgot to leave Hope money for her tooth. I'm out of the running for Mom of the Year. Again. Sigh...

March

Heidi can't believe she was overlooked for Celebrity Apprentice.

Heidi helped a stray dog find his mama & the dog put his tongue in her mouth. Awesome. Then she walked in the door & was greeted by a big pile of cat barf. Fantastic.

Roses are red violets are blue. I’m really sad cuz Jack “dropped his pooh."Tulips are pink; daisies are navy. Oh Heaven help me–the pooh looks like gravy.

Heidi found the remote. Jack wanted to "give it a bath" Was able to pull it from the jaws of Mr. Bubbles just in the nick of time. Alert downgraded from red to orange

Heidi started filling the tub for Hope's bath. The phone rang. I started chatting. And I kept chatting. And I forgot that the water was still running. I remembered it 20 minutes later. This is the cleanest my bathroom floor has EVER been. Sigh...

April

Heidi was unable to find Jack's missing shoe. We are now in talks with the directors of the movie The Man with One Red Shoe - Jack will be starring in the sequel - The Boy with One Green Shoe. His stage name will be ShoeLess Jack Goble.

Heidi doesn't like anyone or anything before 6:00 am.

Hope and I just spent 10 minutes browsing the Staples catalog and talking about how much we both love office supplies. Sigh... My cup runneth over.

Um, yeah... My 7 year old daughter gave me this weird look. I asked her what she was staring at and she said, "Give me two minutes and I can fix your hair so that it will stop looking wrong."

May

Don't shush me.

Heidi has a renegade chin hair. Stupid aging process.

Hope has discovered Full House. I covet your prayers.

Heidi drinks Pop. Not Soda.

When life hands you lemons.... throw them at people you don't like.

June

Heidi is in love with her husband.

My 3 year old little man Jack has somehow managed to stop both toilets. I have to drive around the corner to Taco Bell to use the restroom. Perfect.

Heidi is sitting in a living room strewn with toys - seriously, toys EVERYwhere... and her kids are playing with an empty laundry basket. There's a lesson here.... I'm sure of it.

July

There's something profoundly beautiful about lunch from Del Taco.

Heidi is experiencing the anonymity that only Starbucks can bring...

Jack has been standing in front of the bathroom mirror combing his hair for 20 minutes. He's 3.... Apparently his hair is kind of a big deal.

My 7 year old daughter just called me by my first name. This development troubles me.

You know you're out of shape when you start running and realize that you need a sports bra for you butt. Sigh...

August

Heidi is now officially a fan of the x-games. I heart Travis Pastrana...

Jack rubbed his nose on my shoulder and left behind a gigantic "treasure." I look at him and begin to voice my irritation. "Jack - you left a booger on my shoulder!" He looks at me and says, "but Mom - it's the booger of justice!" I'm wearing it proudly, people. I'm wearing it proudly.

Heidi changed the sheets on Hope's bed yesterday. When she got in bed last night, she laid down - and then sat straight up and demanded, "WHY do my sheets smell weird?" (Bigh sigh....) Because they're clean, Hope... because they're clean. Apparently I need to do laundry more often.

Heidi was attacked by an insanely freakish and ultra aggressive spider. It was a bitter fight - the spider was maimed, then killed. I emerged from the battle unscathed (except for the fact that I almost peed my pants because I'm terrified of spiders). Victory is mine.

Jack brought home a "pet" beetle. Its name is Niles. Oh, the freakin' humanity....

Heidi loved waking up in a house that was nice and cool, and filled with the aroma of coffee brewing. So peaceful.... until Jack started chasing Hope through the house with his Bob the Builder Power Sander (complete with obnoxious noises) screaming "Hope stand still, I wanna fix you!"

Mom, are we there yet? No. Mom, are we there yet? No. Mom are we there yet? No. Mom, are we there yet? No. Mom, are we there yet? Sigh...

Team Hope&Jack running successful offensive plays against Team Mom. Team Mom about ready to forfeit when Team Hope&Jack go for a Jack-to-smack-Hope-then-scream-for-mom double play. Out of control Team Mom storms the field as Referee Dad calls a Technical Foul on Team Hope&Jack. Team Mom puts Team Hope&Jack to be early. Final Score: Team Mom: 1. Team Hope&Jack:ZERO. Winner takes all baby, winner takes all...

I stood there - overcome with emotion. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating and I was fighting back tears of pure joy. It was an incredible moment. And there it was. Standing before me like a beacon of light - full of hope and promise for the future. I knew in my heart that the search was over. I had found the answer... I was in..... The School Supplies Section of Target.

I hit the back of my head and it's a little tender. Hope saw me rubbing my head and wincing. She asked me if the eyes on the back of my head were bothering me. I told her they both had pink eye and they hurt so that's why I was rubbing my head. Is that bad?

I’ve always been able to stand my ground. Until now. I have become weak. I have become a conformist. I have become.... A Twilight reader.

September

Heidi just danced in the rain.

I didn't know that pedicures involved power tools. the sweet liitle lady asked if I wanted "kalla remoova" to which I said yes. And then this sweet little lady looked my feet, shuddered and reached for her portable power sander. The sweet little lady is now red faced, scowling, sweating and speaking Cantonese to her friends in a somewhat aggressive tone. They are laughing. She is not. Im not either. Sigh...

Okay - let me start with: Don't judge me. This morning I stubbed my toe big time. It hurt so bad. As I was yelping like a wounded puppy, hopping around on my good foot, holding my shattered toe in one hand and covering my mouth with the other hand, Jack (who was watching the whole thing with big ol' eyes) asks, "Momma aren't you gonna say a bad word now?" Remember: Don't judge me.

Public apology to the woman whose car I tried to steal today. Our cars looked the same; but yours was a lot cleaner, hence the appeal of your car over mine. It's not like I was going to take it w/o saying anything. I’d have left a note with directions to my car so that you'd have a new car too. I thought that running at me while screaming "stop trying to steal my car" was a bit harsh but hey. No hard feelings, right?

We're at Target - Jack's in the back of the cart. He saw a woman blocking the aisle and yelled "Move it or lose it, Bozo!" Horrified, I scolded him & asked him where he learned to talk like that (BIG mistake on my part). Imagine my chagrin when he replied, "You said it in the car on the way here." The bozo-lady cut me me a dirty look and walked away muttering about "parents these days." Sigh...

October

Heidi got to spend some much needed time with her family today. ADDED BONUSES:Scary Carnies, Cheese Fries and hearing her son pray for the "mean little girl" who pushed him down at the carnival; his words were, "Momma, I don't know how to pray for her. I just want her to be nice. But I'm not sure Jesus can do that cuz she was really mean. What if she pushes Jesus down too?"

B4 we leave for the restaurant I ask "Hope, do you need to go to the bathroom?" No. We get to the restaurant, waiting for a table "Hope do you have to go the bathroom?" No. Right after we order, "Hope do you have to go to the bathroom?" No. Food arrives. It's nice and hot. The fork full of yummy, cheesey, potato-ey goodnees barely touches my starving lips.... "Mom. I have to go the bathroom." Sigh...

I'm in the middle of scolding Jack. "Jack, that was not very nice - you don't throw a fit to get what you want! You have to liste..." he interrupts my tyrade with "Momma, you're so pretty. I love you." That was the end of the conversation. And I took him out for ice cream. Is that bad?

We all have our own brand of crazy.

November

I'm reading Jack a bedtime story. We're all curled up in his rocking chair. It was so sweet... While I'm reading, he keeps sniffing the air. At the end of the story I lean into his face, kiss him on the nose and tell him that I love him. He sniffs the air, looks deep into my eyes and says, "Momma, when you talk, I smell feet." Goodnight Jack.

The rule is simple: When I'M singing and playing air-drums while driving my car, I look cool and unbelievably talented. When anyone ELSE sings and plays air-drums while driving their car, they look stupid.

Heidi woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and could do nothing more than thank the Lord for the miracle that is make-up.

Heidi caught Jack picking his nose and stuffing the boogers in his ear. My feelings are mixed. On one hand, I'm grossed out. On the other hand I'm hopeful that the reason he never does what I tell him is because he can't hear through the wall of snot in his ears.

December

Jack told me that he's going to marry me. And Evie. And Lexi. And Tamila. Apparently, he's big on having options.

People waiting for the fireworks at Disneyland have no regard for my personal space protocols. I had to initiate personal space plan delta-delta-tango: I asked Kurt if he'd gotten any ointment for his rash (really loud) and stood back and watched the people step away from us. Hopefully I won't have to execute beta-beta-Charlie. We may end up on the news....

I'm not obsessive. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

The magic is gone... Hope is running around in circles making strange gurgling, gutteral noises, Jack is screaming that he wants more sugar cookies, Kurt is standing in the middle of the kitchen with a blank stare on his face, the cat is hissing at the tree and I'm hitting the egg nog early. Yep. It must be Christmas Eve.

Today was a day spent with my FCC family - singing, laughing and celebrating Christmas. It was an incredibly uplifting time. I am blessed - I am thankful. Merry Christmas everyone!

~Can't wait to see what 2010 brings!~

Christmas Confession: Part IV

2009-12-19T22:25:00.000-08:00

This one may cost me some of my friends....

I am surrounded by stunning, beautiful, gorgeous, non-fat friends, family and co-workers.

Seriously.

I feel chronically full-fat and unattractive around all these beautiful people.

Obviously the solution is quite simple: diet and exercise.

But, seeing as how I pride myself on my creativity and innovative thinking, I decided to take a new approach at dealing with my feelings regarding my appearance.

Instead of focusing on myself, I've begun focusing on everyone else (after all, it's not good to be so self-absorbed).

So how is focusing on everyone else going to improve my appearance?

It's simple.

Here's the gift I gave all my beautiful, gorgeous non-fat friends and co-workers.

I plan to continue with this type of gift-giving for the next several years.

P.S. If you're a friend of mine and you DIDN'T receive this gift from me, it's not because I think you're full-fat - it's because I ate yours.

Christmas Confession: Part III

2009-12-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

I'd just woken up. It was early, cold and dark.

I staggered to the bathroom and stared blankly into the mirror.

Despite my crusty, sleep filled eyes, I saw it immediately.

Sticking straight up from the top of my head - all thick, curly and wiry.

My first gray hair.

Oh.The.Freakin'. Horror.

Sadly I didn't have time to have a proper meltdown - I had to get to church. (Although I will admit that I didn't feel like being social and praisin' Jesus at that particular time. Hey, I'm just being honest. I think God can handle it).

So I yank the offensive hair out of my head, say a few choice words and throw the dreadful thing in the trash.

Flash forward to Sunday night.

The kids were in bed.

Kurt was asleep on the couch.

I was finally alone.

The time for my meltdown had come.

There was only one drug that could soothe the depth of my despair:

Chocolate.

I needed it and I needed it right then and there.

Preferably in large quantities.

I scoured the house and couldn't find any.

I looked high and low. There was simply none to be found.

My mind was reeling - my desperation increasing with every passing second.

And then I saw it - sitting there on the piano, beckoning me. As soon as I laid eyes on it, I could hear the angels singing. It even had a special glow around it emanating from the Heavens as if the Lord was saying, "This is for you, my precious child."

It was...

The kids' Advent Calendar.

An Advent Calendar that was fully stocked with chocolates specifically selected to celebrate the birth of our Lord - which means they HAD to be stinkin' tasty. To taste bad would be a sin!

Yes - these chocolates had a Divine Purpose.

But tonight, they were going to serve a different divine purpose.

Evil Heidi and Heaven Bound Heidi immediately started duking it out.

Evil Heidi hissed in my ear "Heck yesssss those chocolatessssss are for you! You can give your kids Ssssssssmarties or something. These chocolates shouldn't be wasssssssted on children who can't possssssssssibly appreciate their beauty like you can."

Heaven Bound Heidi told me (in a voice that sounded like Mickey Mouse) "Think of the children!!! You can't eat Baby Jesus Chocolate that was created to teach children about God! He will smote you from above, for sure!"

But alas.... desperate times call for desperate measures.

The Evil of my first gray hair had to be rectified. And what better way to right the wrong than to treat it with the most holy of foods: Baby Jesus Chocolate!

I decided to take my chances - hoping that God would choose to spare me.

I ate every single piece of that Baby Jesus Chocolate.

And can I just say, that nothing soothes the soul of a troubled, gray haired old woman like Baby Jesus Chocolate stolen from a child's Advent Calendar.

Heck Yesssss.

Oh sure, there was guilt.

But there was also peace (after all, it was Baby Jesus Chocolate).

I've never felt so bad - and so holy at the same time.

Christmas Confession; Part II

2009-12-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

This actually happened last Christmas, but I'm just now at a place where I can admit it.

I'm big on taking pictures of the kids and then sharing them with the world. I like to capture as much happy stuff on film as I can - and then refer back to it when Hope is screaming that Jack is looking at her funny and Jack is trying to pee his name on the bathroom floor.

You know.... a sanity saver. Proof that pleasant times have occurred.

So last Christmas, I'm home alone with the kids for the evening. I wanted to do something fun, something holidayish.

I wanted to make some memories.

Good memories.

The kind you take pictures of so that you can prove to the world (and to yourself) that you have a happy, fun-loving, holiday-filled family life.

So I decided to make Christmas cocoa (complete with whipped cream, peppermint syrup and sprinkles) and then brought out a little wooden Christmas Tree that we could decorate with these fancy, handmade little wooden ornaments (a family tradition passed down from my Grandma).

I get everything set: cocoa, tree, holiday music, camera.

Everything is ready.

We commence with the holiday festivities. They're sipping their cocoa, the holiday music is on, I have my camera poised and ready to begin documenting the loving, fun-filled holiday family time between my precious son and daughter.

It's going so well. The cocoa's not too hot, the music's not too loud, it's raining outside, the little wooden tree was easy to put together, the kids are getting along - it was a scene that would have compelled Norman Rockwell to paint a picture of our family.

As I always do when I'm in these situations, I begin mentally drafting my acceptance speech for my now-certain Mother of the Year Award.

And then it starts...

"Mom, Jack keeps trying to take my ornaments."

"No I don't - they're mine, Mom - Hope won't share!"

Not to be discouraged by this minor bickering (after all, I don't have any documented evidence that this magical night took place yet), I reply gently with, "That's enough guys... Let's have fun with this, okay?"

The decorating resumes and in an effort to keep them from talking to each other (or to me) I turn the Christmas music up just a few notches.

The bickering starts up again.

"Maaawm! Jack's breathing on me! Make him stop!"

"Hope, Jack will die if he stops breathing. It would probably be easier if you scoot over a little bit."

I grip my camera a little tighter - beads of sweat begin form on my upper lip. I HAVE to get these pictures. The world must know that my family is perfect, thay the love to be around each other and that the holidays at the Goble house are nothing short of magical.

Cue louder music.

I turn my back to set my camera to the non red-eye setting.

And then it happened. I'm not really sure who or what started it.

Hope is shouting, "Nooooooooooooo!" as her hot cocoa spills across the table.

Jack reaches for his ornaments in an effort to save them from the river of cocoa making it's way across the table at alarming speed.

He misses.

Instead of saving the ornaments, he drowns them in a new river of hot cocoa from his own cup while simultaneously knocking the tree and the box of the remaining ornaments all over the floor.

Hope starts yelling at Jack that he's making a mess, bends down to pick up the ornaments and smacks her head on the table.

She starts howling.

The Christmas music that was only moments ago providing us with our own lovely holiday soundtrack is now ironically blaring out that horrible song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

Jack is crying and shouting over and over again that he didn't do anything.

I stand there, my feet frozen to the floor, powerless to stop the chaos, unable to accept the fact that my dream of documenting a perfect holiday memory is now an impossibility.

All is lost...

All I could think was, "I don't have my pictures yet. These rotten little mongrels robbed me of my freakin' Christmas joy photos."

Where's the stinkin' joy???

I snap.

I grab both kids by the ear and yank them away from the table. I slam my hand on the counter and scream at the top of my lungs:

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! CAN WE NOT HAVE JUST ONE! FREAKIN! GOOD! HOLIDAY! MOMENT!?"

The kids stare at me, their eyes the size of dinner plates.

They are gripped with fear.

They are completely silent.

The only noise in the room is that ridiculously stupid Christmas music, the dripping of sticky, pepperming cocoa creating a huge pool on my kitchen floor and my labored breathing.

But the kids are completely.... SILENT.

As in, they're no longer arguing, howling, screaming or crying.

See where I'm goin' with this?

I sieze what I know to be my only opporunity to salvage my dream, grab my camera and shout at them to say cheese and start snapping pictures.

I got my loving, happy faced family fun time picture!!

Of course, it's because the kids were paralyzed with fear, but you'd never know that from looking at the picture (as long as you're willing to overlook the sheer terror behind their eyes).

Now you know why I never post any videos of my family.

Sigh.... maybe this year will be better....

Addendum: I added the picture. There were several, but they're all pretty much the same (if you look closely, you'll see the terror behind there eyes - or at least a look that says, "Watch out for mom - she's got a camera and that crazed look again...).

P.S. I sincerely hope I am not alone in this sort of behavior... I'd like to think that there are other moms out there who are just as obsessive and neurotic as I am.

The Dark Underbelly of Black Friday

2009-12-02T16:05:00.001-08:00

I find this photo disturbing.

If you don't see what I'm referring to, look inside the cart - under the gigantic, heavy boxes. (click on the photo to enlarge it).

Only at WalMart...

Mirror

2009-12-01T12:18:00.000-08:00

Insecurity knows no boundaries. I struggle with it when it comes to my appearance, abilities, intellect, etc.

It can be pretty bad sometimes. Yesterday was one of those days.

I felt ugly, stupid, ugly, useless, ugly, worthless, ugly. Did I mention ugly?

In the midst of my self-loathing pity-party I walked into our living room and I heard my beautiful, 8 year old daughter singing a song called Mirror (by the band Barlow Girl) in her sweet little voice.

She didn't see or hear me walk in the room. I just stood and listened to her as she sang out every single word.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've

always told me

who I am
I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of

He who made me
And to Him I have beauty

beyond compare
I know He defines me
You don't define me, you don't define me...

I was struck by the contrast between her words and my feelings.

When the song ended I slipped into my room, shut the door and the tears came.

I said a prayer that Hope would always believe the words of this song.

That she'll know that the beauty of who she is will never be limited to physical appearances.

That she will never let her reflection dictate her value.

That she will believe that she is fearfully and wonderfully made - that her Maker is perfect and doesn't make mistakes.

That she'll never doubt that she is loved unconditionally - regardless of how she looks, how talented she is or how smart she is.

And then I prayed that God would help me believe the words of this song as well...

Faith in the Face of Fear...

2009-11-11T19:15:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow morning a family in our church will have their faith tested in an unbelievable way.

Brian and Cindy have two kids – Jake and Emma. Jake and Emma are twins – they’re in junior high.

When Jake was a baby he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer in his eye. The treatment involved the removal of his eye to prevent the cancer from spreading/returning.

In spite of treatment, it has returned in his other eye several times over the years and the family has been forced to face the inevitable. They must remove the other eye to stop the cancer from taking Jake’s life.

So tomorrow morning, Jake goes in for surgery and will come out of it unable to see.

I can’t help but ask the question, “Why?”

I saw Jake and his family at church this weekend. Watching them I would have never known that they were facing such a battle. The courage and the faith that I saw were unbelievable.

They were there – smiling... hugging people.

How did they do that?

How are they so strong? I’m sure they’re scared – but what I saw on their faces wasn’t fear. It was faith…

They are a remarkable family – each of them – but especially Jake. He is incredibly strong in his faith. He is truly inspiring… He doesn’t miss an opportunity to talk about God with people; and has said that he wants to be a pastor when he grows up.

When I look at his situation, God isn't the first thing I see… I see questions, anger, doubt and fear.

But not Jake.

He sees a God that he loves and who loves Him – a God who has an incredible Plan for him, he sees a God that he trusts – he sees a God that he believes in.

Jake only has vision in one eye – and tomorrow that will taken from him – but I think he sees better than I do. He and his family have taught me a lot about what it means to have faith in the face of fear.

Please pray for them…

I'm Pretty Sure I'm Not Your Girl...

2009-11-05T08:19:00.000-08:00

So I use Google Analytics to track the traffic to my blog.

It's pretty cool. It tells you how many visitors you get in a given time period, what country/state/city they're from, how long they're on your blog and how they found you.

The majority of my traffic comes from facebook - but some of it comes from people who are googling something and they find me.

You know how it is, you want to know about Butterfly Habitats and where you can buy them - so you google Butterfly Habitats and you get a million sites.

Based on some of the key words that people have entered, what I can tell you is this: The majority of the time, I'm pretty sure my blog did not provide what they were looking for (at least I HOPE it didn't).

Here is a sampling of some of the phrases that people entered and my blog popped up. Some of the searches made me laugh. Some of them made me a little nausous. Some of them just left me speechless.

(DISCLAIMER: In an effort to maintain a family friendly blog, I have omitted the R to X rated searches - but! If you're easily offended, do not continue reading.)

My Top Fifteen Favorite Searches

1. Childrens's curse words (Given Jack's love for the dark underbelly of the english language, I can see how someone would have found my blog with this search)

2. Forehead is squishy with steroids (I've got nothin'....)

3. How to control poop at school (Poop is a favorite topic of mine)

4. I wash my hair with battery acid (not a clue...)

5. Kid with a butt for his face (makes me giggle)

6. Looking for a goble head for obama (you know - a goble for president may not be such a bad idea).

7. Life is so much easier without panties on (I accept no responsibility for this whatsoever)

8. My mom and her huge butt (nope, nothin'...)

9. Personal space rules (I'm actually proud of that one - and I hope my rules on personal space helped some poor soul out there)

10. Puking at cracker barrel (YESSS!)

11. True stories about mermaids (Really? Ummm.... I wish I could find this person. There is so much I would like to discuss with her/him)

12. White people sitting in bathroom stalls (I will refrain from commenting on this one)

13. Groping panties in a bar (Hey, I warned you...)

14. You're a freakin' punk (I'm proud of this one too.)

15. Funniest blog ever (okay, okay, I made that one up)

So for those of you who found me using one of these searches - I hope you found enlightenment.

I know I did...

I Think it's Perfectly Normal; Part XXVII

2009-11-04T09:44:00.000-08:00

First - I'm having a fierce battle with Writer's Block. If you have topic suggestions, I would greatly appreciate them.

What do you want to read about?

What do you want to know about me? (because, after all, it is ALL about ME)...

Anyway - on to my Perfectly Normal Post.

------------------

I think it's perfectly normal to avoid shopping at a particular store because of its name.

Case in point: DRESS BARN.

Seriously?

They couldn't come up with a name that doesn't have the word BARN in it?

I don't know about you, but I don't want my shopping experience to include feeling like a farm animal.

I Want to Help You, Help Me

2009-10-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

This isn't news for those of you who know me, but I can't cook.

Seriously, I know NOTHING.

I need to learn.

I want to learn.

From all of you.

Yes that's right. I'm looking to the blogosphere for help.

Keeping in mind that I know nothing, please give me some guidance. I'm seeking some simple recipes for family dinner. Crock pot recipes would be great. ANY recipes would be great.

Can you help out a hapless, culinary challenged mother of two ridiculoulsly picky kids? See, that's one of my problems. My laziness with learning how to cook has forged a dependance on mcdonalds, corn dogs and mac and cheese. Trying to get them to eat anything else is a recipe for disaster (ironically the only recipe I have mastered).

I dream of the day that we can sit at the dinner table and eat some sort of a casserole without my kids sobbing and vomitting all over the table (they can barf at the drop of a hat).

You all have helped me with book choices, dealing with potty training and night terrors and now I come to you again asking for your boundless wisdom.

In return for your wisdom, I will share my experiences (trust me Im confident that the stories will abound); I will even include pictures of the more frightening cases.

Please.

I need your help.

I need your recipes!

Two Short Stories of the Evangelically Challenged...

2009-09-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

~Story #1~

I picked Jack up from preschool yesterday and we had this conversation about his day:

ME: Jack, what did you learn at school today?

JACK: We learned about the Bible!!

ME: Cool! What did you learn?

JACK: Oh I can't tell you.

ME: Why not?

JACK: It's a secret Mom - we're not supposed to talk about the Bible with anyone.

~Story #2~

Jack is singing the song "Jump, Jump, Jump into the Light, Light, Light." He loved singing the chorus.

Over and over and over again.

JACK: (singing at the top of his lungs) Heeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight! Heeeeee is the Liiiiiight!

HOPE: Yeah, Yeah, OKAY JACK. He's the light, I get it. Now be quiet.

Vacation Revelation, Part VII

2009-09-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

I can read!

___________

Since I graduated college, I haven't done much pleasure reading. I've done a lot of reading for work, things like all of Patrick Lencioni, Malcom Gladwell, Marcus Buckingham - stuff like that.

But I haven't read any novels.

Until vacation when I started reading a little book called....

Twilight.

Don't judge me.

And now I can't stop. And every book I've read I've been obsessed with finishing. It's like I can't concentrate on anything else!

What's happening?

Since my vacation began on August 28th, I have read the following:

Twilight
New Moon
Eclipse
Breaking Dawn
The Secret Life of Bees
My Sister's Keeper
Shutter Island (this is the new Scorsese movie w/ Leo DiCaprio that's coming out soon. I HIGHLY recommend it)
The Russian Concubine (again, don't judge me)

I'm still reading The Russian Concubine - so I can't give a report on that one. But all of the others one were awesome. AWESOME!

On my bookshelf, just waiting for me to read them are:

Say You're One of Them
Friday Night Knitting Club
Time Traveller's Wife
Water for Elephants
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

I'm loving it. I have very little interest in television (which I am also loving).

Reading is so.....

Satisfying.

Who knew?

I Love my Husband.

2009-09-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

That is all.

Vacation Revelation, Part VI

2009-09-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

"Schedule" is a dirty word.

____________________

In the words of my favorite comic Calvin & Hobbes, “there’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want."

That was our vacation this year. Oh sure, we did stuff – but the vast majority of our time was spent hanging out by the pool.

My favorite conversation of our vacation was as follows:

Heidi: So Kurt, what do you want to do today?

Kurt: I don’t know – whatever we feel like.

(long pause)

Heidi: What day is it?

(another long pause)

Kurt: I have no idea.

It doesn't get any better than that.

Vacation Revelation, Part V

2009-09-16T08:57:00.000-07:00

Vacation is about Excess.
________________________

(This blog post could also be considered a vaction "confession" - but a confession implies an apology of sorts- and I make no apologies about this particular vacation behavior).

Let me preface this blog post with this: Don’t Judge Me.

We usually eat reasonably healthy food. We occassioanlly have have junk food – but we work to keep it under control.

Unless we’re on vacation.

As far as I’m concerned, Vacation is synonymous with Excess.

Do what you love to do – and do a lot of it; so long as it’s fun and relaxing (and legal). I’m not with really down with doing excessive amounts of work on vacation. You get the idea…

Anyway… the Goble Family enjoys Comfort Food.

So when the Goble Family goes on vacation, we bring out the Comfort Food (in abundance).

And a Comfort Food staple for us is GORP.

GORP stands for “Good Ol’ Raisins & Peanuts.”

Okay, so NOTHING about raisins and peanuts sounds comforting (or appetizing).

So we’ve made modifications (actually, it’s an old Rekstad Family recipe that has been carried forward).

Remember.

DON’T.JUDGE.ME.

This is our version of GORP.

Sigh.... It’s beautiful, isn’t it?

(you have to click on the picture to truly appreciate its beauty)

Of course, we also buy excessive amounts of new clothes while we're on vacation because by the time we get home, none of our clothes fit us anymore. But hey... You take the bad with the good, right?

Vacation Revelation, Part IV

2009-09-15T12:34:00.000-07:00

Fresh air smells foul to 7 year olds.

_______________________________

We step off the shuttle and into the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.

We’re deep in the heart of Zion Canyon in Zion National Park.

It’s early morning (about 7:30 or so).

The breeze is cool.
The river is flowing rapidly about 100 yards from us.

There are trees all around us – and off in the distance is a beautiful meadow.

The rock cliffs that soar several thousand feet into the air are a deep rust color and seem to go on without ending.

There’s no one else around.

Hope and I are hand in hand as we start down the trail.

I inhale deeply – close my eyes and just soak it all in for a minute.

Hope does the same.

She inhales deeply and immediatley looks up at me with a look of disgust.

“WHAT is that smell, Mom?”

"What smell?" I demand. How could she hurl such an insult at the most beautiful place in the world?

She inhaled again - and this time cut it short with a load groan, "Ugh! The air STINKS!"

I try to compose myself amid such blasphemy.

I inhale again.

"What you smell is called fresh air, Hope. Fresh.Air."

"Yeah well...." she mutters and her voice trails off...

(long pause)

"... it stinks."

Sigh...

Vacation Revelation, Part III

2009-09-14T15:33:00.000-07:00

Laugh and the world laughs with you.

Fart and you stand alone.
___________________________________

We’re on the shuttle in Zion National Park.

There’s a little old married couple sitting two rows in front of us.

They’re so sweet together – he’s talking and she’s laughing softly.

I see the man rocking back and forth in his seat, trying to get comfortable.

Suddenly the look on the woman’s face changes. She looks irritated.

No more smiles, soft laughter or chatting.

Without warning, she gets up and moves to another seat at the front of the shuttle and glaring at him the entire time.

The man shakes his head and continues rocking.

And then I hear it.

A sort of muted trumpet sound.

What? What is that? Is that an animal? What is that?

I look around and don’t see anything.

No one else on the shuttle seems to notice anything.

The little old man is looking around the shuttle as he rocks from side to
side; undoubtedly searching for the source of the weird trumpety sound.

Our eyes lock.

He stops moving, mid-rock.

I hear the trumpety sound again.

The man gives me a big grin.

Wait…

The trumpety sound seems to be in time with the old man’s rocking.

I begin processing.

Sweet little old lady becomes irritated and leaves husband’s side to sit in the front of the shuttle.

Sweet little old man rocking back and forth – seemingly in sync with the weird trumpety sound.

Old man’s big goofy grin is followed by more rocking and trumpeting.

And then the wind changes….

The little old man’s grin widens as my eyes begin to water.

Dear.Lord.In.Heaven.

WHAT is that smell…

Fortunately we arrive at our stop just as the gray fog is enveloping the rest of my family. We dive off the shuttle and breathe in the fresh air.

I hear the little old man laughing as the shuttle drives away.

He’s still sitting alone.

Rocking.

And trumpeting.

Vacation Revelation, Part II

2009-09-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

I am more relaxed when my hair is stringy, my face is freckled beyond all reason and I'm not wearing any make-up.

__________________________________

When I'm at home, I never go anywhere without putting on make-up and doing my hair. It's just one of the many things that I'm uptight about.

But on vacation? I couldn't care less.

Behold, my vacation face...

I Think it's Perfectly Normal; Part XXVI

2009-09-12T11:02:00.000-07:00

My second toe is shorter than my big toe.

Hope's Homework Assignment

2009-09-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

Hope’s first homework assignment as a Second Grader was to learn about her name. Who picked it, what it means and why it was chosen for her. She then had to present her findings to her class.

When I read over the questions we needed to answer, my heart sank.

I wasn’t concerned that the assignment would be too difficult for her.

I was concerned that the assignment would be difficult for me…

The story of how Hope got her name is kind of a heavy story – and I’ve never really sat down and told her about it. I’ve told her parts of it – but none of it was presented to her in a way that would enable her to talk about it with a room full of second graders.

See, Hope’s name came from a time of great sadness and fear in our family.

I was four months pregnant. It was my third pregnancy – my first two had ended in miscarriage, so I was pretty nervous about losing this baby too.

The call came on Thursday night before Memorial Day weekend.

It was 7:30.

My mom hadn’t been feeling well for quite a while and had undergone several tests – the most recent being a colonoscopy.

The colonoscopy showed a bowel obstruction. Surgery was required.

The diagnosis was grim.

Colon Cancer. Stage 4.

The call that I got was from my dad. Through his sobs, he choked out the words, "The doctor said 6 weeks."

My world stopped.

I didn’t need to do the math to realize that my mom was going to die before my child was born.

How could this happen?

My mom didn’t care how it could happen – she was going to make sure that it didn’t happen.

Her response to the doctor was, “You’re wrong. I’m going to be here to see my grandbaby and that’s that.”

It was a time of fear.

Sadness.

Anxiety.

There was such a sense of finality to every conversation that took place.

6 weeks came and went – mom was still here.

Could it be that the doctor was wrong?

We received a new diagnosis.

It wasn’t Colon Cancer, it was Ovarian Cancer; still Stage 4. The doctor assured us that this was good news. “Ovarian Cancer responds better to chemotherapy” he said.

It was a time of optimism.

Possibility.

Anticipation.

Hope...

Hope that my mom would live.

Hope that my baby would live to be born.

Hope that I would see my mom hold my child.

Hope….

In July, we had the "big" ultrasound.

I remember hearing the words: Healthy… Baby... Girl…

I called my mom to tell her.

We cried together.

Hope Noel was born on October 25, 2001.

My mom came and held her in the hospital.

It was a time of victory.

Triumph.

Hope…

The doctor gave us 6 weeks.

God gave us 16 months.

It was a time of family healing.

Love.

Joy.

Hope…

Mom went home to be with Jesus on September 21, 2002 – just a month before Hope’s first birthday.

This was the last picture of them taken together.

It was a time of incredible loss.

Pain.

Sadness.

Hope…

Hope that comes from knowing, that because of Christ's love and His sacrifice, I will see her again. That my baby Hope will see her again.

It was - and still is - a time of hope....

Vacation Revelation Part I

2009-09-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

Three year old boys should not attempt housework without direct supervision.

______________________________________________

I was straightening up the house. I had just finished throwing a load of clothes in the washing machine when Jack walked up to me and insisted that he help me.

I gave him little jobs to do – throw this in the trash, go set this on the coffee table, go sit on the quietly on the couch to keep it from flying away (you’d be surprised how often that one works), etc…

Little did I know that he had his sights set on something that was a bit more…. involved.

I continue my whirlwind cleaning tour with great speed and focus as I am eager to finish because I’m in the middle of reading the book, “Breaking Dawn” (the fourth and final book in the beloved Twilight saga) and taking a break from reading it has produced symptoms that can only be described as separation anxiety.

In my blinding dedication to return to my book, I focus all my attention on getting the house clean.

And then it hits me.

I haven’t seen or heard from Jack in quite some time.

As if sensing that I was thinking of him, I hear from shout at me from the hallway.

“Momma! I just do the waundry!”

No…..

I drop what I’m doing and run toward the laundry room. He’s not in there.

“JACK?!” I shout my voice filled with panic.

“In here Momma!” came the cheerful reply.

It was coming from the bathroom.

Oh.

No…..

And just as I turn to make my way to the bathroom, I see him standing there – naked from the waist down, grinning from ear to ear, his shirt totally soaked, "water" all over his face, holding out a ball of sopping wet clothes – which have now created a pool of “water” at his feet.

“My helping you Momma! I did the waundry for you!"

With great trepidation I manage to sqeak out the words, "Where did you do the laundry Jack?"

"In the tooolet!" he said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

My mind immediately starts in with the coping exercises that it has so diligently practiced since the day Jack was born. Breathe.... Don't look at water now pooling around your feet.... Breathe.... Look at how cute he is.... He just wants to help.... Breathe.... You love him more than life itself..... Children are a precious, precious gift.... BREATH...... BA-REEEETHE!

I stand over the toilet with the eyes pinched shut for about 35 seconds before I finally look.

Judging from the substance in the toilet, the “waundry” wasn’t the only thing he did in there.

Sigh....

Can't blog....... reading Twilight series

2009-09-02T14:20:00.000-07:00

I heart Edward Cullen.

Don't judge me.

Okay Friends, I Really Need Your Help on this...

2009-08-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

Okay friends, readers, lurkers, I desperately need some help with this one....

Jack (my 3 year old son) refuses to poop on the toilet. He'll go potty - no problem at all. But when it comes to poop, he's as stubborn as the day is long.

He'll hide somewhere.... I'll catch him - trying to poop in his underwear. I'll take him to the toilet and sit him on it.

He will sit there and scream for a half hour - and never take a poop.

This will go on for days.

Until finally, he will wait till bedtime (when he gets a pull-up) - and poop in his pull-up.

This has been the pattern for the last 3 months.

And here's a little something to make it more fun:

He's supposed to start preschool on September 9th. He can't go unless he's fully potty trained.

I need your help.

We may not know each other.

You may not like to comment on people's blogs.

But please.

I need some advice!

UGSFAW

2009-08-04T16:41:00.000-07:00

For those of you who may not know what UGSFAW is - it stands for Ultimate, Gnarly, Super Fantastic, Awesome Week. It's our church's take on VBS.

It's an amazing week.

It's a gift to get to be a part of it.

I feel privileged to be a part of our church.

I'm so proud of my husband.

Here's just a few pictures from the week...

Kurt dropping in while tennis balls are being thrown at him.

The crowd worshipping.

Jeff Dennis leading the Worship Band in a way that only he can.

Our super cool Mascots.

My awesome husband.

The Green and Orange Teams listening to the lesson (this picture only shows half the kids that attended UGSFAW).

It truly was the most Ultimate, Gnarly, Super, Fantastic, Awesome Week of the summer.

My Sweet Girl...

2009-08-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

What We have Here is a Failure to Communicate

2009-07-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

Jack (who is 3 years old) was put on Time Out.

I will spare you the details - just know that his urine, his realization that he possesses the ability to be a human squirt gun, the cat and my bathroom floor were all involved.

Okay, so Time Outs at our house involve him sitting on his rocking chair in his room.

He sits there until I say he can get up.

The door is closed.

Talking is not allowed.

The goal of the Time Out is two-fold:

Part One: Jack will reflect on what he's done wrong and how he'll NEVER do it again.

Part Two: Mommy can retreat to her room where she can lay on the bed in a fetal position and avoid doing something that will land her on the evening news.

So back to our story...

Jack has been on Time Out for approximately 5 minutes.

I walk into his room feeling a bit calmer - happy that he is sitting quietly in his chair.

I make my way over to him and crouch down on the floor so that we are eye to eye. Jack is wearing a VERY serious expression on his face and his eyes are big.

I gently take hold of both his hands and ask him, "Are you ready to be done with Time Out?"

"Yes Mommy" came the soft reply.

"Are you going to try and go potty on BelleBelle (our cat) again?"

"No Mommy."

I begin to feel a sense of triumph. I got through to him!! He understands why he's in trouble and he's not going to do it anymore. I am SUCH a good mom. I should teach a class; or at the very least receive the much coveted Mother of the Year Award. After this victory, I am a shoe-in!

With my confidence at an all-time high, I decide that it is now time to ask the most important question.

(ASIDE: I ask this question because I think it's important that kids can contextualize the discipline they receive. If they don't understand WHY they're being disciplined, they're just going to repeat the behavior and I don't think Jack (or our cat) will survive a repeat of this particular incident. Also, I want them to know that it's coming from a place of love - not of mean spiritidness).

I take a deep breath and ask,

"Jack, can you tell me why you got a Time Out?"

I hold my breath and watch intently as Jack's facial expression changes.

(I'm very eager to hear the words that I'm certain will come out his mouth which are:
"I got a Time Out because I tried to pee on the cat. I know it was wrong and I'll NEVER do it again. Thank you for making me understand that it was wrong. I'm sorry for peeing on the cat.")

I'm still holding my breath and beginning to compile my thoughts on my acceptance speech for my now-certain Mother of the Year Award.

But wait... Something is happening.

His expression contines to change.

It becomes..... dark.

Angry.

Menacing.

He leans into me so that we are nose to nose. He inhales deeply and says with great conviction,

"I'm on Time Out..... BECAUSE. YOU'RE. MEAN."

Sigh...

(afterthought: Jack was not trying to be mean to the cat when he tried to pee on her. He said he was trying to cool her off. So don't call PETA on me.)

My Husband Thinks it's Perfectly Normal; Part I

2009-07-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

So I've written a lot about things that I think are perfectly normal.

I thought it was time to rat out - uh... I mean share with you something about my husband.

He is terrified of bandaids.

Seriously.

He won't go near them.

He will walk around with an injury that looks like it requires stitches and will still refuse to put a bandaid on it.

He thinks it's perfectly normal.

I think it's an issue that warrants some sort of 12-step program...

For Fans of the Matrix Trilogy...

2009-07-20T09:57:00.001-07:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Nordrstrom's Reject

2009-07-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

So I'm at Costco. I see that they have swimming suits.

SIDE NOTE: I don't know that I can adequately convey my loathing of swim-suit shopping.

Seriously.

So if I need a suit and I see one - I just grab one in my size. I don't try it on (life is hard enough).

They had black swimming suits at Costco.

I walk up to the rack and reach for the suits to start browsing for my size.

About 20 feet away is the saleslady - lamenting to her co-worker about the fact that she didn't get hired as a salesperson at Nordstrom.

She sees me looking through the suits and says (from 20 feet away so it's REALLY loud) "Oh I'm sorry honey - we don't have anymore larges!"

Nice.

But wait. There's more.

I look up at her, my face quickly beginning to change color.

She continues with this.... (note that she was still 20 feet away and is still talking at full voice)

"You really look like you should get an extra large anyway. I think we have some in the back - let me page somebody for an extra large suit for you."

OH.DEAR.LORD....

I simply look at her and eek out the words "No need."

She resumed her conversation about her complete surprise at the fact that she couldn't get a a job at Nordstroms....

Yeah.

If only there had been some clue...

If You have a Problem; If No One Else Can Help; And if You can Find Them; Maybe You can Hire.... The A-Team.

2009-07-17T20:52:00.000-07:00

I think the A-Team was one of the greatest shows of the 80s.

I was a huge fan.

My Dad was a huge fan too. We had a van back in those days. He would drive up to a curb, slow way down, have me or my brother open the side door (while he was singing the theme song at the top of his lungs) and have us jump out.

Explains a few things, doesn't it...

Anyway. I never missed it. It was on every Tuesday night at 8:00.

I even have an autographed picture from Dirk Benedict (he played Templeton FaceMan Peck). I got it when I babysat his kids.

Yeah, that's right.

I.Babysat.His.Kids.

Anyway.

It was one of the best shows ever.

Oddly enough, Dwight Schultz (he played Howling Mad Murdock) also appeared on several episodes of another favorite show of mine, Star Trek The Next Generation (he played Lieutenant Barclay).

Yeah....

The A-Team was a classic.

I Think it's Perfectly Normal; Part XXV

2009-07-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

I will walk up to 15 extra blocks to avoid having to parallel park.

Refrigerator Revelations (GROSS)

2009-07-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

I think that one of the reasons we go through difficult experiences is so that we can help others either avoid the same situations - or at least help them if they are going through a similar situation.

That's what this entry is about. It's me helping you. Warning you, if you will.

(Read on at your own peril and don't judge me).

The following is a list of things I learned while cleaning out my refrigerator:

Moldy asparagus juice pooling in the bottom of your refrigerator smells worse than asparagus pee.
If the expiration date on the deli sliced ham says 2/15/09, don't sniff it to make sure it's really bad; just trust that it is in fact, really, really bad.
Juice left behind by a bag of rotting radishes has epoxy (very strong adhesive) like qualities.
The jar of jam that was given as a gift in 2005 will become a permanent fixture on the second shelf if it's left sitting in the epoxy resin created by the rotting radishes.
When stray baby carrots get left behind in the produce tray, they shrivel up and look like funny, little orange raisins.
Three-year-old little boys get excited about little orange raisins - until they try one...
The only thing that smells worse than the garbage bag full of rotting produce, runny leftover tuna casserole from Father's Day and the mystery meat from February is that same garbage bag after it's been sitting in the hot garage for two days.
Cleaning one's refrigerator on a full stomach when you have a sensitive, trigger-happy gag reflex is a terrible, terrible idea.

I hope that the wisdom I have imparted on you has been helpful.

Thank you for this opportunity to share.

Touched by a (pint-sized) Angel...

2009-07-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

Jack (who is 3) was playing on the playground at church this morning.

I arrived a few minutes early to take him to his class and was greeted by him being carried off the playground, crying hysterically.

He had fallen and scraped his knee up pretty good.

He saw me and started crying harder. He was so sad...

I picked him up and loved on him a little bit and that's when I noticed all the little kids that had followed us inside - all of them wore looks of concern on their faces. They wanted to make sure that Jack was alright.

There was one little girl in the crowd of kids who followed especially close. Her name was Lexi (she is also 3).

Lexi (seen here in this pic) taught me something today.

She demonstrated to me what it means to truly give of yourself.

Lexi has a little blanket (about the size of a cloth diaper or a burp cloth); it's her Nite-Nite. It is one of her more prized possessions. In the words of her mom, her nite-nite is her ultimate comfort. (for more detail, here's a blog post about it)

Anyway - Jack was now seated and was about to have his scraped knee cleaned (OUCH). The medicated wet-wipe touched his knee and he let out a shriek. Lexi was standing behind Jack - and as soon as Jack cried out, she put her hand on his shoulder and left it there.

At that moment I saw something in Jack's hands. He buried his face in it and he stopped crying.

It was Lexi's nite-nite.

Lexi had given Jack her nite-nite to help him feel better.

Her most prized possession.

And she gave it to Jack.

She saw that someone was sad and hurting - and needed it more than her. So she gave away the thing that matters most to her. No questions asked. She just said, "here Jack..."

I was so touched by that.

I tend to make things so complicated. I over-analyze, obsess, worry, etc. I'm ashamed to say that when I give something to someone, I have a tendency to make it more about me than the person I'm giving to.

Acts of giving should be simple. Simplicity is a natural by-product of taking the focus off yourself and putting it on the other person.

When Lexi gave Jack her nite-nite, she had no agenda, no contract stating when the nite-nite was to be returned or how it was to be used, nothing about what she wanted in return. Nothing about how she felt at all.

She simply gave it to him to make him feel better.

She didn't think about herself. She only thought of Jack.

So simple...

I made sure Jack was alright, hugged him good-bye and made my way back to the main auditorium for church. I stopped when I saw Lexi and gave her a big hug, trying to conceal the tears that were now pouring freely. I gave her a kiss and told her thank you. I know she doesn't know how much her simple act meant - but someday she will. I know that I will never forget it.

Thank you Lexi.... you made Jack feel so much better today. And you also reminded me of something so important: that I need to put others first. No questions asked...

It's that simple.

Like Father, Like Son (rated PG-13)

2009-07-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

We were at Ruby's for lunch.

I lean over to Jack (who just turned 3) and ask, "Jack, don't you just love Ruby's?"

"Oh yeah Momma!" he said at the top of his lungs "...I LOVE boobies!"

Sigh...

A Few of My Favorite Things...

2009-07-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

I don't have much to say right now (shocking, I know). So, I thought I'd just go with an old stand-by. Here are a few, new favorites - in no particular order...

The movie UP
http://www.istockphoto.com/
Epicuren facial scrub
The dollar aisle at Target
Push-pin magnets
The color purple (not the book/movie - just the actual color itself)
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
The Aflac Duck
Vanilla Tootsie Rolls
Cheap flip-flops from Old Navy
Otter Pops
Microwave Popcorn with Splenda on it
Mansfield Park
My daughter's new Chore Chart (see this post for details on why this is a new fave)
Comments on my blog (not that I'm hinting or anything...)
Pink Pearl Erasers
Firefox
Scramble on Facebook (curse you Laurel. you and your ridiculously high score)
Bright pink toenail polish
Little House on the Prairie - episode, "The Richest Man in Walnut Grove"

Well it's a Little Late Now...

2009-07-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like getting critical information.... after the fact. Here are few examples of times when I've been on the receiving end of ill-timed information/advice.

You’re supposed to poke holes in the potato before you bake it
It’s not a costume party
Mom, I feel like I'm going to throw up
Your microphone is still on (oh man... this is a whole separate blog entry)
You're supposed to grease the pan
You should have hit Forward - not Reply (said one millisecond after sending a less than friendly email - to the person I was being less than friendly about)
May induce hyper-activity in children (I read this 20 minutes after I gave my kids Benadryl in an effort to get them to sleep through a 5 hour plane ride)
I just waxed the floor
There was a cop back there (said to me just after I caught a glimpse of the flashing lights in my rear-view mirror)
That milk is expired (spoken just as I took a big gulp)

Sigh...

Timing really is everything.

Wide My Body, Narrow My Bathroom Stall...

2009-06-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

Spanx are the greatest invention EVER.

They are like girdles. On steroids. They can re-shape any shaped body to make it look a little better.

Body shaping garments are a life saver. They save you all that time that you would otherwise have to spend on exercising. I mean really... Why exercise when you can conceal?

But I digress.

The thing about Spanx is that they're pretty tight. So much so, that you need to allow yourself extra time when going to the restroom lest you run the risk of having an accident...

It is ill-advised to wait until the last minute to go to the bathroom when wearing a Spanx.

I really wish someone had told me this.

Let me set the stage for you.

I'm on an airplane. I'm returning from an advertising summit in New York City.

I'm dressed in a suit.

And I'm wearing a Spanx.

One other thing: I'm terrified of going to the bathroom in airplanes. Seriously.

It.Horrifies.Me.

I will do whatever I can to avoid going to the bathroom on an airplane.

The flight is non-stop.

It's 7 hours long.

I put off the inevitable trip to the bathroom for as long as I can.

But at last the moment arrives... I can deny it no longer.

I need.... to use.... the bathroom.

Right now.

I climb over the people sitting in the center and the aisle seats and make my to the bathroom.

The flight is full - every seat is occupied - including those that are up against the outside wall of the lavatory.

I slide the door open and am greeted by the teeniest, tiniest bathroom I have ever seen in my entire life. I had to walk in sideways because my shoulders were too broad to fit through the doorway.

I slide the door shut. Panic sets in (I'm unbelievably claustrophobic). Of course I'm also panicked because I have to go so bad that I think an accident is imminent.

I begin preparing myself to use the facilities - and am suddenly reminded that I have to somehow get the skin tight Spanx off - which will be quite challenging since there is not an inch of spare space around me.

I start to pull them down - but am unable to because my right elbow keeps hitting the wall of the teeny-tiny bathroom. I'm able to get the left side down - there's more room on that side because the sink is there.

But I'm stuck on the right side.

I begin perspiring.

I'm growing increasingly desperate to relieve myself and to get the heck out of the teeny-tiny bathroom.

The fact that I'm sweating is not helping my attempt at getting the Spanx off. It seems to be acting as some sort of adhesive. I manage to turn around so that I'm now facing the toilet. My right elbow now has more room (it's on the sink side now).

I wedge my thumb down between my squishy, sweaty muffin top and the top of the Spanx and pull down as hard as I can.

I hear it first - and then I feel it.

A popping sound.

My thumb.

There's something wrong with my thumb.

Sharp pain shoots up my hand causing me to lose my balance in the teeny-tiny bathroom. I begin to fall toward the toilet. I quickly jerk myself back into a standing position and spin around trying to regain my composure.

I am now facing the door - my back to the toilet. I wobble back and forth for a minute, and gingerly try to remove my thumb from its elastic prison - but am unsuccessful.

It's stuck. And I'm pretty sure it's swelling which makes the prospect of freeing my thumb less and less likely with each passing second.

I realize that I have no choice.

I grit my teeth, inhale deeply, hold my breath and yank my hand out of the waistband of my Spanx as hard as I possibly can. This causes me to slam my elbow against the wall, at which point I lose my balance again and fall face first into the door.

I see white light.

Pretty, pretty white light.

And then I hear a voice.

A far-off voice.

"Everything okay in there?"

Oh dear Lord...

"Yes - I'm just fine - thanks...." I manage to respond.

Fortunately, that last yank was enough to loosen the Spanx from its deathgrip on my sweaty, squishy muffin top.

I'm able to relive myself.

I wash my hands - careful not to touch my steadily swelling thumb. I try to straighten my hair in a futile attempt at covering the welt that has now taken over half of my forehead.

I slide open the bathroom door - carefully avoiding the open-mouthed, gaping stares of all the people sitting there who had heard me slamming into the walls of the teeny-tiny bathroom.

I hang my head and shuffle back to my seat - and vow never to wear Spanx again.

But I got over it. Hey, anything is better than exercising, right?

Yeah.... I still wear them.

Just not on airplanes...

Kurt & Heidi

2009-06-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

1990

2000

2009

Kurt and I started dating in 1990. We were 16 years old.

We got married in 1994.

I love him so very, very much.

Chores, Justice and Mixed Emotions

2009-06-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

So today was launch day for Hope's new Chore Chart.

Emotions were mixed.

Kurt and I were walking around with a bit more bounce in our step at the thought of Hope becoming more responsible and doing a bit more around the house. Hope was walking around with what appeared to be the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Her new responsibilities included emptying the cat box, clearing the dishes after a meal and loading the dishwasher.

Kurt showed her how to do each job and we created a new chore chart for her.

I was in her room putting her laundry away and she walked in, mopey and despondent. She saw me standing there and cut me "the look."

Without a word she began hanging her new chore chart on the door. She asked me "Will Jack have to do chores when he gets older?"

"Yes Hope." I replied knowing where this was going.

She rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, "yeah right - he won't have to do any chores because I'm already doing everything."

I stifled a laugh, remembering having those same thoughts when I was her age. It was clear she wasn't thrilled with the new arrangement.

She continued her muttering as I left her a room. I could hear her saying, "I don't know what Jack's going to do - there isn't anything left to do - this is so unfair, the cat box is soooo gross..." I made my way down the hallway, rounded the corner where Kurt was standing with a big grin on his face, his eyes bright with excitement.

I thought he was going to say something like, "Our little girl is growing up - she's so responsible now - she's growing up so fast;" you know - all the things that go through a parents mind whenever their child demonstrates that he/she is growing up.

As I got closer, he started jumping up and down, the grin got bigger, he held out his hand to give me a high five and whisper-shouted "no more cat box!"

As I said - it was a day of mixed emotions.

Mmm-Hmmm... okay, that's fine.... wait, WHAT?

2009-06-25T20:12:00.000-07:00

I have two unbelievably chatty children. They don’t even stop to inhale. They talk and breathe in at the same time. There’s no pause.

The worst is when we’re in the car. There’s this perpetual wall of noise coming from the back seat.

It’s…. well, in a word…irritating.

But the worst part is the questions. The non-stop questions.

Jack (my 3 year old) loves to ask the same question over and over and over again. He will ask you the same question until he gets the answer he wants.

So, like any mom whose sanity hangs in the balance, I have started either absent-mindedly agreeing with everything he says or saying Yes to every question he asks.

You know how it is....

There’s nothing but, “Momma can I have that? Momma can I have that? Momma can I have that? Momma can I have that? Momma can I have that?” coming from the back seat.

You feel your patience slipping away, you're about to snap. You're ready to something - ANYTHING - to make him shut UP.

You start mumbling things like, “Mmm-hmmm…. Oh wow…. Okay…. Mmm-hmmm...” just to get him to stop asking the same question over and over again - or at the very least start asking you a new question.

I implemented this method a while ago and it has been very successful for me.

Until today.

Today it all changed.

Why did it change, you ask?

Well, according to Jack, I gave him permission to become a painter.

A painter who specializes in “re-vitalizing” carpeting.

With hot pink paint.

Hot pink, Oil Based paint.

Awesome.

So I’m back to the drawing board. Any suggestions? I think duct tape would work well, but I’ve heard that it’s generally frowned upon as a permanent solution…

Sigh….

Seriously? It's an Honor just to be Nominated.... (oh please, I'd love to win)

2009-06-24T18:56:00.000-07:00

Okay so I don't know who did this - but I was nominated for Funniest Blog in some blog contest.

I have no idea who did it - and I don't win anything except bragging rights - but I'm flattered that someone would nominate me!

So, I'm going to just put myself out there on this (since subtlety has never been my strong suit) and ask you to vote for me! Just click on the button, and then click on funniest blog. You have to scroll through the list to find my blog - it's called Life as a Goble.

So thanks! Thanks for voting for me! Oh, and.... uh..... (awkward pause).... you can vote once a day. Okay - there! That's it! I won't say any more about it. (face flushing madly).

Oh - and of course, I want to thank the Academy, the Hollywood Foreign Press, my agent.... oh wait. Wrong fantasy. Sorry.... But seriously - thank you to whoever nominated me!

Anyway - that's it - that's all the campaigning I will do. I would like to make some campaign promises, but I can't come up with any. Anyone have any suggestions?

She put the OH! in Oversharing...

2009-06-23T15:58:00.000-07:00

Hope and I were in line at Target. We were grabbing her some art supplies – she was VERY excited.

The line was crazy long – and full of profoundly irritating people.

The lady in front of me was my least favorite. Yeah, she was a real peach. She had at least 3 items from every single aisle in the store, about 137 coupons, she was haggling with the checker about the fact that her Glade Plug in Air Freshener was on sale – and just when I thought I couldn't be any more irritated with her – she pulled out her checkbook.

Fan-freakin’-tastic.

I turned away so she wouldn't see me roll my eyes and there stood the cutest little old lady I’d ever seen in my life.

She dragged one foot a little bit and her head seemed to be permanently cocked to one side.

She looked up at me with eyes that squinted tightly and a tired smile.

“Hi Honey” she said in a tiny, shaky voice.

I instantly felt sorry for her – she looked as though she was about to collapse – she leaned heavily on her cart and let out a big sigh as she took in the overwhelming length of the line.

I noticed that she only had 1 item in her cart. She kept staring at me with that sweet little face.

I looked at her, at the line and then back at her again.

I had to do it….

I let her go ahead of me in line.

Suddenly that sweet old lady who could barely stand up was miraculously transformed into this spry little thing who deftly maneuvered her cart out of line and then back in front of mine with all the speed and prowess of a seasoned, professional HUSTLER.

Yes, that's right.

I had totally been taken.

But wait – there’s more.

Remember the peach in front of me in line? Well at this point she was still arguing with the checker about Glade Plug Ins (and still had a ton of stuff in her cart). Perfect! That meant that Lady Grifter and I would have some time to get to know each other.

She noticed me holding my ATM card and started in on the evils of technology and how big brother is always watching. Then she started talking about how our country is going to hell in a hand basket yadda, yadda, yadda. “And it’s all that Obama’s fault don’t-cha-know…” she said with great conviction.

“Oh, mmm-hmmmm….” I replied trying to sound as uninterested as possible.

To no avail…. She just kept talking.

Back to the technology topic.

“Yeeeeees, technology is just an evil force in this world – well, except for that brilliant little pace maker my doctor gave me about 2 years ago.”

Oh crap – we are now in an area that I don’t like to broach with old (over 80) folks: their medical procedures.

“Laaaaaaand sakes, my doctor told me that I would live to be a 100 with this pacemaker! Of course I told him I don’t want to live to be a 100 what with that horrible Obama running things…”

Sweet! She jumped back to politics – I thought maybe I was safe.

“But he told me that it wouldn’t hurt a bit and he was RIGHT!”

Wait – Obama told her it wouldn't hurt? Well, he is on that whole socialized medicine thing - I could only pray that that's what she was referring... Sadly Obama's plan was NOT what she was referring to.... Dang it! We were back to the Medical Procedures.

“Oh my stars – it was the easiest thing ever! And such a tiny little incision!”

Okay – at this point, I should have just fled. I should have left my cart in the aisle and run away without ever looking back. But I had Hope’s art supplies in the cart and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that buying her art supplies wasn't worth enduring Lady Grifter's stories about her old, wrinkly body.

I stood my ground.

“Yeeeeees, the incision was just the tiniest little thing you’ve ever seen – just look at it!”

And without missing a beat, she whipped out her left breast and shoved it toward me.

I stood there, frozen, helpless, horrified, without words.

She stood there, proud as could be, saggy breast tissue hanging over both sides of her hand.

Hope stood there, mouth wide open, her eyes the size of dinner plates.

It even got the attention of the peach in front of us who was just now signing her check.

“Just looooooook at it!” crowed the old dingbat.

“Isn’t it amazing?”

“Yes – I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything like it.” I responded weakly.

Hope finally found her voice and said “Mommy is that a nipple?!”

"Once upon time, it was honey… Once upon a time it was."

Peach finally finished her transaction, Lady Grifter shoved lefty back into her blouse, I pulled out my spare smelling salts from my purse - and we all advanced one space in the line.

I learned something that day... well, let's face it - I learned a LOT that day.

But the biggest lesson I learned was that little old ladies are not to be trusted.

Money.

2009-06-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

Like everyone, occasionally we have money trouble.

This pay period is tight. I mean - really tight.

I fell asleep worried and frustrated about it last night.

I woke up this morning to Hope curled up on the bed next to me, her head on my shoulder - she was sound asleep.

Jack was on the other side of me, curled up in a ball, pressed up against my back - he was rubbing my arm and whispering, "My snuggle with you Momma..."

Money trouble?

When it comes to what matters, I've won the lottery.

Shut up, Jack.

2009-06-17T19:56:00.000-07:00

I'm in my room, changing from work clothes to comfortable clothes. Jack is with me (for those of you who don't know, Jack is my 3 year old son).

I'm standing there, facing my closet, reaching for my sweats (at this point I have just thrown my work slacks in the hamper).

I feel something repeatedly poking me in the back of my upper left thigh.

It's Jack. He looks very concerned.

He continues his prodding and says, "Your bum-bum is all bumpy Momma. Whatcha got in there?"

Shut up Jack.

Small Enough

2009-06-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now

There were times when I was crying From the dark of Daniel's den

And I have asked you once or twice

If You would part the sea again

But tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky

Just wanna know You're gonna hold me if I start to cry

Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now

Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now

There have been moments when I could not Face Goliath on my own

And how could I forget we've marched around

Our share of Jerichos

But I will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight

Just wanna know that everything will be alright

Oh great God, be close enough to feel You now

All praise and all honor be

To the God of ancient mysteries

Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history

But tonight my heart is heavy

And I cannot keep from whispering this prayer

"Are You there?"

And I know You could leave writing on the wall

That’s just for me

Or send wisdom while I'm sleeping,

Like in Soloman's sweet dreams

But I don't need the strength of Samson

Or a chariot in the end

Just want to know that You still know how many hairs

Are on my head

Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now

~Nichole Nordeman’s “Small Enough”

UP

2009-06-14T17:54:00.000-07:00

Hope and I went to see this movie today.

We both loved it.

I highly recommend it.

Prepare to shed a tear or two.

Prepare to laugh out loud.

Prepare to be moved.

It was a great movie.

Fight the Future? Nah......

2009-06-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

Heidi in 30 Years...

2009-06-06T14:45:00.000-07:00

Random Motherhood Confession #2

2009-06-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

So what is my confession? My confession is that I have no idea what I'm doing.

And I'm afraid that I'm failing miserably.

Jack is sick again. This is the 4th time in 5 weeks.

I work full time.

I feel like like a complete failure when my child gets sick and I find out about it from his daycare provider. I should have known he was sick because he should have been with me.

I hate that I heard about it from someone else.

The reality is that I have to work.

And I'm thankful for the ability to work and for the fact that I have a job.

But right now I feel like a failure in all aspects - as a Mother and as a professional.

I'm not at work because I'm home with Jack - so I'm failing to meet expectations at work.

I wasn't there when Jack got sick (it happened at daycare while I was on my way to work) - so I'm failing to take care of him when he needs it most.

I'm at a loss.

I have no idea how to balance being a mom and working. You'd think I would because I've been doing it for almost 8 years.

And I still have no idea what I'm doing.

And I'm afraid I'm failing miserably.

Visual Guide for My Rules on Personal Space

2009-05-29T13:46:00.001-07:00

So which sphere is appropriate for you?

Intimate?

Personal?

Social?

If you don't already know the answer to that question, then I can assure you that the answer is Social.

I Dare You to Say No to this Face...

2009-05-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

I came across this picture of Hope - it was taken when she was 2 years old.

It's always been one of my favorites.

I Think it's Perfectly Normal; Part XXIV

2009-05-27T13:03:00.000-07:00

Whenever I see a snail, I always pick it up and put it in the grass - away from where people are walking - so that no one will step on it.

I like snails.

I think they're cute.

I don't think they should be stepped on.

Or eaten.

Or have salt poured on them.

Come on people! They could have a whole snail family waiting at home for them. Do you have any idea how long it takes a snail to get from Point A to Point B?

That sweet little snail family could be waiting for days before they even know that anything is wrong!

People......

Please!

Optimism, Pessimism and Flat out Miraculous

2009-05-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

My view on whether or not the glass is half empty or half full tends to vary from time to time.

Except when I spill the glass while I'm driving.

At which point I see the it as freakin' miraculous that a tiny little glass of water can soak my clothes as well as the entire inside of my car.